“Show me the money” said the Asian woman to the Indian giver

Several weeks ago (towards the end of July) I’d returned home from the market and was waiting for the elevator when Emily, a young woman I know on the first floor passed by on her way to the trash room.  (Each floor has a trash room around the corner from the elevator.)  I smiled, she did the same.  She opened the trash door and tossed in a small cardboard box and I said “um, the sign says flatten all boxes.”  (I was just teasing her, that’s sorta my thang y’know.) 

She replied “I can’t, it’s full of dirt.”  I laughed and said okay.

Then she said “I got scammed.”   Huh?

I first met Emily last summer, 2-3 months after moving into the Tiffany.  I was getting my mail one day the same time she was, and a certain envelope in my box compelled me to whisper “Yes!”   I looked to see if she’d noticed—yep!  I’d seen Emily around before— Asian-American, looks around 29-30.  Always wears her shiny hair pulled up on her head.  I told her I’d just moved back to Pittsburgh, this was my new voter’s registration card.  She asked if a special election was coming up, I said yes the mid-terms next year.  VERY special.  She laughed & said she got it.  I asked “Are you going to vote Democrat too?  ‘Cause you know, us minorities gotta stick together...”   She asked what sort of minority I was, I told her I was a genius and there’s fewer of us than people think.  Now this young woman didn’t know me from Adam, for all she knew I was some middle-aged crackpot—but she laughed & said yes, she was voting Democrat too.  I liked her instantly.  I don’t see her too often (different floors, she’s a nurse who works a lot of late shifts for Allegheny Health System) but she’s the rare apartment neighbor you can walk up & talk to.

Getting back to her being scammed, I asked what happened.  She said “I paid $20 for a Chinese Money plant from one of those nurseries on Amazon.”  (Nurseries on Amazon?)  “It was supposed to be a healthy plant in a 4” pot, what I got was this.”   I followed her into the trash room as she retrieved and opened that small box she’d tossed.  Inside was a scattering of dirt, a narrow plastic bag & a skinny green stalk—at it’s top was a small round greenish yellow leaf, cracked down its center.  I said “Wow… maybe they just send cuttings to get you started?”   She said “I want what I paid for.”  She folded the lid shut again and dropped it back into the bin.  I asked her if she was going to write a nasty review, she said “That won’t get me my money back, they need to hear from me DIRECT.”   Go Emily!

Later that evening while watching tv, I saw it was after midnight and decided to get ready for bed.  I thought about that little cardboard box in her trash room.  They empty the trash rooms every night between 2-3am…  it’ll be gone in the morning.   I put on my slippers, went downstairs and retrieved that box.

The photo of the Chinese Money plant that Emily was expecting; she’s right, she got ripped!

So the next morning I got on my computer to check out this bogus plant for sale, and did a little reading.  Comes from the southern province of China, it’s also known as a UFO or pancake plant because of its round leaves.  Not a common houseplant in the United States, so they tend to be expensive.  Now when it comes to green thumbs, mine are anything but—but my apartment DOES get a lot of light, unlike my old place where nothing grew but mold spores on my bathroom ceiling.  I figured what the heck and plopped the stem down in a small glass of water, sat it in the kitchen windowsill and waited.  The first day nothing, the second it’s only leaf fell off!  But on the third (when I was ready to dump that glass down the drain) I saw what looked like a short, wavy hair from the bottom of that stem—is that a root?   2 days later, I saw a hint of a green curlicue at its top. 

I’m going to surprise Emily with a full grown Chinese Money plant.

A couple days later after getting a haircut, I popped into the local Ace Hardware to pick up a clay pot (they had one left!) & some potting soil.  When the clerk showed me where the dirt was, I asked “Do you have anything smaller than 10 lb. bags?  I used to work in a Garden Shop back in the ‘80s, we sold it in sacks small as 2 pounds.  I remember one time—“   Then I noticed the young man’s agonized expression… oops!  Sorry about that, us older folk tend to ramble.  I came home and potted my stem.

For a week it did nothing.  Then one morning when I trudged into my kitchen to make some coffee—that little stem was half upright with 2 tiny round leaves!  (I get excited pretty easily.)  I moved the pot to the big window in my living room where I could give it adoring glances while on my computer or watching tv.

And here’s how it looks now, 5-6 weeks later.  From a stem!  I thought a lot about keeping it, it’s really grown on me.  But I DID sort of plan for it to be a surprise for Emily, so a couple days ago when I saw her white Taurus in the back parking lot, I took it down to her apartment.

It looks more like an octopus right now, but it’s springing a new leaf every 2-3 days; It’s alive, it’s alive!

When she answered, I told her I hoped I hadn’t woken her or anything, I wanted to show her something.  She said “Oh you got one of those money plants.  Did I tell you I got my money back?”  I said no and by the way, this is YOUR plant, I rescued it from the trash.  She said “Wow!  For real??  Where’d you get that pot?”  I told her it was the last of its kind from Ace Hardware.  Then I said it was a little gift, I hoped she liked it.  She said “Aw, thank you.  Hmm.  I’d take the pot if you want to give it up, but you can keep the plant.”  What! 

I said “Well, they kinda go together, I thought you wanted one of these?”

She said “I did... just not that one.”  What!! 

I told her it was pretty happy in its little pot, I didn’t think it was ready to fly the coop just yet.  She laughed and said okay, I looked pretty attached to both.  I said I was and I guess this makes me an indian giver.   (I had to tell her what an indian giver was… she just smiled at me.)  You know what, I really am a middle-aged crackpot.

Oh well, this Chinese warrior is back in the windowsill where it belongs.