Sunday, July 26, 2015

If you can’t really cook, do what I do--make this Buffalo Chicken Tender Salad

buffalo tenders salad
Yesterday I was telling my sister what a lousy cook I am and how half the time I get it wrong. Not to be outdone, she replied with this (hilarious) email:

From: Shawn
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2015 6:00 PM
To: Doug
Subject: RE: sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes I get it right

I'm just a terrible cook, uninterested, don't want to do it cook. Just today I had to go into town to get rotors (something to do w/brakes) because Michael & Jim are changing the brakes on my car. I told them I'd bring home something for lunch if they could hold out. So after leaving the auto store, Sophia goes "Mom where are you going now?" I say "Giant Eagle". She goes "for what?" "Well, I need to bring something home for lunch". She says "But what can you get in THERE?!" I say "uncooked food that I will then put in a frying pan and make". She says "UGH!" It never occurred to her that I wasn't going to KFC or something.

Now I happen to know Shawn’s a good cook. There hasn’t been a time that I’ve gone to their house & she’s whipped up a spread for 8 people—for the 4-6 people present! As for myself, I am reminded of President Nixon’s famous last words….

However, I DID make a tasty hot salad yesterday which Shawn said looked like “heaven on a plate”! I’m writing it all down here for future reference; I don’t expect to catch lightning in a bottle twice, but YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.

ApacheDug’s Buffalo Chicken Tenders Salad

1. Dump 2 tablespoons flour, 1 teaspoon paprika, 1 teaspoon garlic powder, 1/2 teaspoon onion powder, a shake of ground red pepper into something like a Ziploc bag. Shake it up good.

2. Drop in 1 lb. chicken tenders, shake that bag again until they’re all coated.

3. Have 2 bowls handy; one with 1 beaten egg, the other has 1 cup breadcrumbs. Dip each flour-coated tender into the egg, then dip it in the breadcrumbs; shake off the excess.

4. Spray a foil-lined baking sheet with Pam Cooking Spray; add on your tenders & bake 15-20 minutes at 400F, turning once during cooking.

5. Here they are, right outta the oven; don’t they look delish? You should eat one right now!

6. In a small saucepan, add 1/3 cup Franks Red Hot Sauce, 1/2 teaspoon Worchester Sauce & 1 tablespoon butter. Heat to a boil, then let simmer 1 minute. Pour over the chicken.

7. I let these cool for a few minutes, then put them in a tupperware container & into the fridge. An hour or so later, I baked some Ore-Ida Country-Style fries in the oven (for 20 minutes at 425F) but halfway thru, I took 2 of these semi-chilled tenders & placed them alongside the fries.

And in those final ten minutes I assembled my ‘salad-plate’ (lettuce mix from a bag), grape tomatoes, banana pepper rings, & a chopped hard-boiled egg. Those fries & tenders went right on top. (I sprinkled on a little sharp cheddar cheese to pretty things up.)

Oh, you should have a little dish of Bleu Cheese or Ranch dressing on the side to do some fork-dippin’—man, it was good!

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Ready for some divine wisdom? I’m about to channel my 10,000 year old spirit warrior

Last night, as I settled on my couch with a warm piece of apple pie & scoop of butter pecan ice cream (my new favorite Saturday night dessert) and got ready to find a movie or documentary to watch on Netflix TV, something compelled me to open my laptop & look at Facebook first.  I was greeted with this:

“Ok I have went to church and believed in God my whole life yes there have been times that have been tough it makes you think is he really there but let me tell you cuz tonite he opened my eyes“

I’ll spare you the rest (it goes on for quite awhile and most of it is incoherent) but it boils down to this:  the woman who shared this was sitting on a bench while waiting for her train, when she was approached by a couple (a brother & sister), and they felt compelled to share God’s love with her. 

Before they go, they leave her with a couple gifts: a personal note containing some scripture & a BRAND NEW COACH WRISTLET!

She’s overcome with joy; first of all, the couple’s first names are her & her own brother’s first names too.  Secondly, her brother passed away some time ago, but he knew of her love for Coach purses.  SO THANK YOU GOD FOR ALLOWING MY BROTHER WHO’S IN HEAVEN WITH YOU TO SOMEHOW GET THIS COACH PRODUCT TO ME!   

She includes a picture of her heavenly reward—talk about divine intervention!

After reading this (in disbelief) I almost rubbed my hands together in glee: these Christian women on FB were going to hang this chick out to dry!  I jumped down to the comments below her miracle purse, expecting to read responses like ‘God doesn’t hand out bling!’ or ‘God is the real deal & this is a knockoff!’  

Nope!  Instead I see this:

“It’s a miracle!”  “God’s love is wonderful!”  “Each time I read this, I shed tears of joy.  Praise Him!”  I shut my laptop off in disgust, muttered something Christ-related & turned on my TV.

I think He heard me, or maybe Netflix did, because on the ‘Recommended for You’ screen was a documentary titled “An Honest Liar”.  It’s the life story of the Amazing Randi.   What the—I haven’t seen or heard from this awesome character in YEARS.  Thank you Lord, this couldn’t have come at a better time!

For those of you unfamiliar with the man, the Amazing Randi has lived his life eerily similar to Harry Houdini.  In his younger days he was a master magician;  in his later years he made it his mission to go after psychics, televangelists, spirit channelers & anyone using cheap magic tricks or outright lies to con people out of their money.

Amazingly, he trained a couple of young men in the ‘80s to pose as psychics, solely to convince scientists they weren’t phonies.  They succeeded.  (He wanted to show that ANYONE can be fooled, even the most educated or cynical.)

In the 1970’s and ‘80s, he laughed at JZ Knight (who claimed to be possessed by a 35,000 year old warrior named Ramtha), pursued Uri Geller (the psychic who bent cutlery with his mind) and Peter Popoff (fhe “laying on of hands” healer) with a vengeance.  He had no qualms about exposing these charlatans, and did it right on national tv.

The Three Stooges

Did it stop them?  Not exactly; today Uri Geller calls himself a ‘mystic’ and sells crystals on QVC;  Peter Popoff no longer claims to heal the sick, but he WILL get the Lord to erase your debt, provided you send him $20 for starters.  As for JZ Knight, she’s richer than ever—hail Ramtha!

But what the documentary showed (and took Randi years to fully grasp), was that even when he worked his butt off to prove we were being played, and with IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE, most were outraged.  How dare he!  “People tend to have a narrow view of reality, they only want to see things their way.”

At the end of the documentary it hit me--getting angry at that Coach-loving Christian on Facebook (or her God-happy friends) was a waste of energy.  Even if I wanted to, could I convince them of my agnostic beliefs?  Or could they convince ME that God delivers upscale merchandise to the downtrodden? 

Well, for a $20.00 donation I’d be willing to let them try!

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