Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Missing Mom, Two Years Later...


It’s hard to believe, but it’s now been two years since Mom left us.  It’s still so fresh, it honestly feels like only a month or so has passed.

On December 22, 2004 my mom died after a difficult battle with cancer.  In June of 2003, it was discovered that Mom had uterine cancer;  It breaks my heart in uncountable ways.  Dad just died in February 2001 after his struggle with cancer for 2 years, and then his younger brother (my Uncle Shane) succumbed to it as well. 

My poor Mom… she had so little time on her own before being forced to battle cancer as well.

In the summer of 2004, we learned it traveled to her brain and the doctors no longer had any options left.  Mom underwent cranial radiation, which (to me) just made things worse for her.  I feel angry writing about it, because it makes my head pound at the unfairness of it all.  She was only 64, Dad was 63.  As for my mom though, it makes my heart ache after a lifetime of raising so many kids, and dealing with my dad’s sickness for so long, she just deserved to have some quality time to herself, being independent and not having to take care of anybody besides her beloved dog Frankie. 


A thank you note from my mom in 2003 (click to enlarge)

I still have a hard time believing she’s really gone; still find it difficult knowing I just can’t pick up the phone to call her and chat.  She always made time to talk to me, no matter what day of the week, night or day.

Thank God I learned to drive when I did, I was able to go home a lot more than ever before.  I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving before she began getting sick; I went home for a 4 day stay, and we used the time to go shopping at her favorite place (the dollar stores!) and to dinner at our favorite place (Long John Silvers); one night we were given free tickets for the Opera House, drove up there--it was “Harry Potter”. 

After 45 minutes, I turned to her and said “I hate this movie!“  She said “Omigod, me too! Let’s go!“  but the evening was still a lot of fun.

She’s buried now beside Dad in the Morris Cemetery.  Her house was sold, most of her possessions given away; we don’t even have many photos of her, as she was so resistant to getting her picture taken.  Often I’ll call Shawn and say “I miss her so much, the hurt doesn’t go away” and Shawn will begin crying and agree.



Mom's dad, Arol Belford.  He died when she was just a little girl, yet she talked of him often.  This was the only photo she had of him. 


I sure am grateful Mom got to see Shawn’s little girl, at least.  But I feel sad for Shawn too, when our sister Donda’s daughter Drew was born, she had both our parents, even Grandma Morris was still alive and well.  Sophia basically has nobody in the traditional respect.  (Though Shawn does have a fairly large network of friends, her church, myself...)  

But seeing Sophia (and her other granddaughter Drew, who's becoming quite the young woman) grow up with "Nana" would've been the best.  


I miss and love you very much, Mom