Saturday, September 21, 2013

My quest for The Golden Fleece (I have the money so what’s the problem?)


Friday, 6:00 pm.  Like a gazillion other office drones, there’s not a better time of the week.  I’ve just arrived home (after stopping at the market first for some weekend essentials—a loaf of raisin bread, half a chicken and a bottle of Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce) and the only thing I have planned for tonight is a ham sandwich and one or two episodes of “Breaking Bad” on my DVR. 

I kick off my shoes, toss the chicken in the fridge and turn on my computer (just to confirm I haven’t gotten some emergency waiting for me, like a message from the bank that Russian hackers emptied my account) and see this instead:  an email from the Roddenberry Transmitter (where hardcore Trekkies go to shop), proudly announcing the arrival of ‘Master Edition’ Star Trek tunics. 

“Produced by Anovos, these Star Trek tunic replicas are the most accurate representation of the 1960’s era wardrobe available. Using decades worth of accumulated research and access to the original garments, great care has been taken in reconstructing these tunics. These replica faithfully represent the original wardrobe seen on Star Trek – The Original Series.”

It then goes on about their quest to find the original dye colors & fabric, the meticulous handcrafting of the gold braided sleeves and how no serious fan should be without one.  The price: $200.00.  Yeow!  That’s a lot of money for Captain Kirk’s shirt.  And right now I can think of nothing better then seeing one of these golden treasures hanging in my bedroom closet.

 Here’s where I keep all my regular top gear:  you may need to make some room, boys

So I sit here staring at it, trying to put it out of my head which is difficult to do when it’s looking right back at me.  I mean c’mon, it’s an obvious waste of money.  For gosh sakes, I need a new pair of glasses (and my last pair cost $550.00).  I need a new couch.  My niece’s birthday is coming up.  I have 25% of my salary deducted into savings and investments for those dreams of early retirement so I’m on a budget.  Plus I want to hire a painter to do some work in my apartment.

Will I wear it to sci-fi conventions or costume parties?  No.  Will I wear it to the office on Halloween?  I’m self-conscious enough there as it is.  Will I take it out of the closet and proudly show company?  “Shawn, Jim--guess how much I paid for this—go on, guess!” 

So what would I do with this bad boy besides let it hang?  I know what Spock would say, and blast it he’s right.   

 “Douglas, I fail to understand how owning this replica of a fictitious organization from the future is going to serve any useful purpose; logic demands you buy a new sofa instead.

Why am I even writing about this, no one wants to read about some goofy-ass Star Trek shirt anyway.  It’s forgotten, I’m going to bed.  (Thanks Spock.)


Stardate 20130921.  It’s Saturday morning, I have a list of things that need done and I can’t stop thinking about that damn shirt.  

Now I know how Ricardo Montalban felt in ‘Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan’ when he was explaining to his cohorts his need to capture Captain Kirk:  “He tasks me!”  (By the way, I’ve seen that movie around 215 times, does that impress you?)  I need to make a decision here… I’ll be back.

Stardate 20130922.  It’s Sunday morning, my stomach is full of raisin toast, and I’ve made my decision.

As much as I want this awesome tunic, if I’m going to shell out the big bucks then I feel like I have to earn it.  (That’s how the Enterprise crew got theirs!)  If I can lose that 25 lbs I keep griping about, the shirt will be mine.

I think this is just the challenge I needed.  Smile


  1. Doug, if you want that shirt then buy it - you're not a boozer, you've forsworn the tabs, you live a pretty modest life, all told.

    Could be your loungewear...

    1. Haha thanks Andrew! I don't know about loungewear, maybe I can make a shrine.. :) I am still deciding!

  2. BUY IT! Men have wasted more money on much more trivial things. And hey, it might even be a good investment! As long as it is NM, that is...

    1. Thanks Iikka--well, I might just get it after all :) But if i do, I am wearing that sucker--I'm done with that 'Near Mint' business!


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