I bought the magic beans, now where’s my beanstalk?

 

Can I share a little rant here?  I don’t want to open myself up for public ridicule, but I’ve always considered myself a savvy (or cynical) enough person to not to be sold a false bill of goods.  So right now I’m a little surprised that I let myself be duped by some 21st century snake-oil salesman.

My only defense here I suppose is that when you’re desperate enough, you’re going to pat logic on it’s head and tell it to run outside and play, it’s getting in the way of things.

I am like…50 pounds overweight.  And that’s on a good day.  I pretty much have been so for the last decade (though in the last few years, it’s either gone up 4-5 lbs or down 1-2).  I’ve written about it here before, insisted I was losing the pounds ‘for real’ this time, and then things went nowhere (as usual).  I’ve never stopped hoping for some sort of miracle though; don’t we all love miracles?

So a few weeks ago during a ‘work from home’ day, I shut off my laptop promptly at 4pm & flipped on the tv.  ‘Doctor Oz’ was on, I’ve probably seen his show twice.  (But I know all about the man, a respected doctor and surgeon, and one of Oprah’s personal gurus.)   Still, I’m just not into him.  I grabbed for the remote to switch the channel when I heard him say something about a ‘miracle in a bottle’ and “you’re saying these people did nothing and still lost all this weight?  These weight loss numbers are astounding!”  Wait--what? 

Some so-called medical expert was on there, detailing a study done on a group of chubby people in Scranton, Pa.  They were given a dose of pure green coffee bean extract 30 minutes before every meal, and were instructed not to change their diet or ‘up their exercise game’;  yet at the end of the 12 week study, they all lost weight, an average of 18 pounds each, 10% of their body fat.  Dr.Oz was very impressed with the results & told his audience that this is a wonderful discovery.  There’s no reported side effects, the extract isn’t expensive, but be sure to buy it PURE, in a vegetable-capsule form. 

 

“The great and powerful Oz has spoken—now go!”

Now normally I’d hear something like this & think “I need to research this on my own first, and maybe in a couple months if no one has reported growing an extra arm or head…”  but then I remembered that a few months previous, when the great & powerful Oz told his fatter watchers to load up on raspberry ketones, it sent their price soaring thru the roof (and off the shelves of every pharmacy for months).  So I flipped open my laptop again and jumped on Amazon.com—I found them!  And just as the wizard specified, ‘pure’ extract in vegetable capsule form.  I patted myself on the back for my quick actions & promptly ordered a bottle.  No wait, Amazon—I want TWO bottles!  Heh heh!  

Fortunately, I didn’t have a long wait; they arrived in just a few days.

Back in June, anxious for some real motivation, I joined a ‘Weight Race’ with a few others in my office.  Friday mornings we report our weight, and a chart is sent out showing your current numbers, your loss or gain for that week & a final column showing your success (or failure) to date.   I had ended my first couple weigh-ins actually going up a pound, before finally losing 2, 3 & then 5 pounds total.  Then things stopped—and for the next few weeks, no change.  (Miriam, one of the others in the race says “you’re not gaining—and you’re still ahead of everyone else!”  which is no real help, it only means we’re a pretty sad group.)  But now I had an ace in my sleeve, my magic beans!  I begin doing just as the doctor ordered—800 mgs with a glass of water, twice a day (and 30 minutes before eating).

Bean Week 1:  No change.  Well, this stuff doesn’t happen overnight.

Bean Week 2:  No change.  Well, a little more exercise wouldn’t hurt either.

Bean Week 3:  No change.  I HAVEN’T HAD A LOUSY CARB IN DAYS, EITHER!

So here’s my dilemma; I only have enough of those infernal pills to last me 7 more days (I ordered a month’s supply).  If I go thru my final week’s supply & still see no results, do I admit I’ve been suckered?  Or do I say 'wait I haven’t been suckered enough, it’s only been a month & that was a 12 week study’? 

THAT’S the question; I’ll come back in a week & let you know if there’s been any changes, and what I’m going to do next.  (And hopefully this is the last time I let someone sell me some miracle in a bottle!)

Well, it’s now week 4 & there’s been a change alright, I’ve gained 2 lbs. from a week ago.  Time to stop looking for answers in a bottle and get busy.