Letters from the Battlefront: if this is a white flag, I’m not buying it

 

Forgive me, but I couldn’t resist sharing this; shortly after I wrote that last blog about my rude neighbors getting a late-night visit from the police, I was in my kitchen making something to eat when I heard a soft ‘tap’ on my front door. 

When I went to see who it was, I found a folded slip of paper slid under my front door.  It’s from my noisy neighbors.  And to be perfectly blunt, it’s bullshit.

Dear neighbor,

We are both very sorry for the disruption last night.   We both have just had very significant things happen within each other’s family and I guess the tension just kept built up and broke within each of us.

However that is no excuse for our loud behavior.  We want you to know we are both good people & don’t fight like that, we just had a bad blow out & exploded and acted like children. 

Again, we are very sorry for disrupting you and causing such a ruckus.  We never meant to bother you in any way and we are very sorry that we did.  We hope you can forgive us & please not judge us for our actions last night.

Sincerely, your very sorry neighbors.

Here’s the thing—if that “ruckus” had really been a one night event, this letter would’ve been awesome.  BUT DUDES WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID????? 

This was like the 33rd slamfest over there since you moved in!  The only thing that made this one different is that it ended with the police on your doorstep! 

I’ve listened to the two of you yell, cry, smash things & carry on for months and the only reason I stopped asking you to please turn it down some is BECAUSE YOU STOPPED ANSWERING YOUR DOOR WHEN YOU SAW ME THRU THE PEEPHOLE.

So take your phony letter & stick it--THIS MEANS WAR.