Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Happy Birthday to my older brother Duke... wherever you are

This is my older brother Duke and myself in 1963.  His first name is Purri, but I only heard one great aunt and an elementary school principal refer to him by that. 

To the rest of the world he’s known as Donovan, in our family he’s Duke.

He was born May 16, 1959 and this Sunday is Duke’s 62nd birthday.  I’ve probably spoken to him 3 times in the last 30 years.  Truth be told, I’m not even sure where he lives these days. 

UPDATE:  I’ve recently learned Duke’s moving back to Greene County, the rural corner of Pennsylvania we grew up, where he left for good in 1977 and vowed never to return.  I hope it works out for him, I tried moving back home 5 years ago and only lasted 6 months. 

Before Duke entered high school (and cast me aside for friends his own age) we did a lot of things together.  We were in the same Scout troop, were both close to our Grandma Morris and spent Wednesday nights with her (after Scout meetings) for years. 

Duke would talk my ear off about books he was reading, and turned me on to SF authors like Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov & Ray Bradbury. We watched shows like Star Trek and Mission Impossible together, and listened to George Carlin, National Lampoon and Cheech & Chong records for hours.  He often snuck me into movies our mom said I was too young to see.

In 1973, when I asked Duke to take me with him to see The Exorcist, he said “NO WAY!  I could barely contain you during The Omega Man after Charlton Heston’s woman became a mutant!”

Years later when I saw The Exorcist, I silently thanked Duke for sparing my young mind from it     
            
From as early as I can remember, Duke had plans to become a lawyer.  He succeeded, but I always thought his true calling was writing. 

When we moved to the farmhouse in 1970, he spent countless hours in his room, clacking away on a manual typewriter.  He had a 2 foot stack of short stories, all neatly typed.

(Maybe now, with Duke moving back home, he’ll take up writing again—or finding his fifth wife.  Unlike me who’s never married, Duke’s never stayed single very long!)

Something else we don’t have in common, Duke’s been the poster boy for the Republican Party since 1972, when Nixon was running for a second term.  When I said I liked George McGovern, he went ballistic and told me to find a hippie commune and move there.  Um.. I was 11 years old!

I do want to share one episode from our childhood that I found heroic and will never forget.  On October 31, 1969—my eighth birthday—I was allowed to go out with Duke trick-or-treating, no parents tagging along.  Our younger sister Shawn and brother Steve went with Dad.

Duke & I were late coming home, but had quite the night—we were lugging pillowcases filled with candy.  And that’s when a clown mugged me.

A) Our house on Cumberland Street  B)  The scene of the crime  C)  Margaret Bell Miller School (now a middle school, in 1969 this was our town’s high school)

As we neared the corner to our street, an older boy wearing a flannel shirt and clown mask came up behind us, grabbed my sack, knocked me down pretty hard and took off running. 

Duke dropped his bag and his ‘‘Land of the Giants’ mask (a giant bearded head with the eyeholes in the mouth) and took off after him.

That took courage… or some pretty real anger.  Probably a lot of both. 

I dont know what it was, but seeing your big brother going after your attacker… I will never forget it.  They fought and struggled in front of the old high school.

The jerk got away, and Duke returned with my pillowcase, now torn & empty.  And we had one hell of a story to tell our parents when we got home.  The morning after, as I met up with classmates Greg L, Jackie H & Chuck Z on our way to school, I shared the events of the night before and my brother’s heroism.  When we got to the high school (we walked past it everyday on our way to North Ward Elementary), the sidewalk was filled with kids talking and pointing up & down the street, and saying “some kid must’ve got run over here last night!”  

The street was littered with crushed candy bars, popcorn balls and other treats smashed and ran over.  I didn’t get my Halloween haul, but neither did my attacker.

Happy Birthday Duke

29 comments:

  1. Purri? That's an unusual name. I imagine Duke or Donovan suited him better. He sounds like he was a wonderful big brother. How sad that you've lost touch with him. Let's hope he's not a Trump supporter because I imagine, you'd have some trouble with that one. Hmmm... Now I'm wondering if "Doug" is your real name. :-)

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    1. Thanks Kay! Well, Duke never liked Purri, one of our Dad's best friends in the Navy was an Italian boxer named that--but like our dad Harold Donovan who went by Don, my brother went by his middle name too. (Doug is my first name I swear, haha!) I can't say for certain Duke was a Trumper, but I'm 99.9999% certain--they're pretty alike :(

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  2. Gigi-Hawaii & Margaret if you see this--I accidentally deleted your very nice comments when I took this blog offline to make a couple corrections and reloaded it as new. I'm genuinely sorry as I ALWAYS appreciate your comments :)

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    1. No worries, Doug! Thanks for explaining so that I didn't think that you deep sixed my comment. :)

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    2. Well, I merely said that I hope you and your brother get together again.

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  3. We have a deal in our family; we don't let politics choose our friends and stand between family members. That said, my older brother was a big Republican and the rest of us siblings and mother were Democrats. I hope you and your brother get some time to renew your friendship. I lost my older brother last year and I lost my best friend. I miss him terribly.

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    1. Ann I'm very sorry for the loss of your brother, how great you two were best friends. I'm very close to my one sister, so I can certainly relate... but truth be told, I'm glad she's a Democrat.

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  4. I love the picture of you and your brother. You are both so cute! Now that's a scary thing to be mugged by a clown, especially as a child. Have you been afraid of clowns since then? I'm sorry for the separation between you and your brother. We have a similar situation in our family and it is heartbreaking. We also have a family rule: no political discussions. I enjoyed hearing about your childhood!

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    1. Thanks very much Bonnie! Haha, no fear of clowns but ever since then I've always been on edge walking outside at nighttime! As for my brother, yes I've talked to enough people over the years to sadly see how common these family estrangements can be. Anyway, thanks again for your kind comments. :)

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  5. A shame you lost all that candy, but wow! what a brother! The photo of the two of you is adorable. Perhaps you can reconnect now you are both older?

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    1. Thanks very much River! I don't know about the reconnection, but I suppose anything's possible. I mean, after all these years I'm still thinking of him to share stuff like this... :^)

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  6. Dear ApacheDug and Friends, yay to your brother for running off that thief (too bad the treasure was trashed in the process, but oh well). Politics was never an issue in my family - we were all republicans. Until the day, my oldest sister (who was back from college) announced that she voted democrat. You'd of thought that she had eloped with some hippie dude.

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    1. Well, politics aside thank you Sue! You know what's funny, losing that pillowcase of candy bothered me for a long time too. That damn clown! Anyway, I'm glad your own sister could be honest with her family about who she voted for. That's a tricky subject for a lot of people, I saw it for myself this past election. Thanks for sharing. :^)

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  7. You and Duke were sure cute, sitting there in your little cowboy hats. My older brother has been my hero on occasion as well. Unfortunately, few families escape some form of estrangement. I agree with Duke in that the movie, The Exorcist, was just not suitable for a tender young mind. I watched it in a theatre with friends who believed in the supernatural. Well, actually, I averted my eyes from the screen for most of it.

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    1. Thanks very much Florence! And I'm glad your own brother was a hero to you as well, to this day my own brother's bravery that night... I'll never forget it. As for him protecting my tender mind from The Exorcist.. he just didn't want a scene! I tended to get a little dramatic at some of the movies he took me along to! :) And by the way, I think "Exorcist" was just about the scariest movie ever made. I bought it on dvd 10 years ago, and have yet to rewatch the darn thing!

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    2. I've seen the movie and the book is better, you don't "see" the gory extreme bits when you read the book, your mind gives a gentler version. Still scary, but the images don't remain.

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    3. Thanka River, I should check that out :)

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    4. Dear OutToPasture, looking back, i'm so glad mom wouldn't let me go see that movie.

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  8. I can't imagine not talking to my brother for that long but I do know many families are different than ours. We mostly lived together in isolation without a television so talking to family and reading were our two major forms of entertainment.

    Our family is weird in another way. My parents were both what I call moderate democrats and my younger brother is probably a moderate republican. I am somewhere in between.

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    1. Ed I saw that on your blog (or someone else's) awhile back, how you lived without a TV growing up--I'm both impressed, yet can't imagine. Well, in our own Family we were all pretty close... after moving 'to the country' in 1970, us kids had no neighbors and only had each other. My brother just had his own path from a very early age. (Politically too!)

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  9. Seems like you too had a promising start for brothers that seemed to fall apart when he hit high school. I do hope you can bridge the gap but know the longer it remains, the harder it will be to cross. My brother and I belong to different parties (though he was a never trumper republican thank goodness) but still we will do anything for the other.
    If it were me, I'd reach out.

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    1. Patti I just realized I know very little about your own family. I might have to do some snooping on your blog :^) Well, things with my brother aren't terrible, but like you said about things falling apart a long time ago... it's been nearly 50 years. I wish him well, but we're pretty much strangers at this point.

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  10. I too hope you get a chance to reconnect with your brother. I have family members who are Trumpers and I never even talk with them any more. They know I am a liberal and think I'm the devil's spawn now. Family can be very trying. I am sure glad you turned out to be such a great guy!
    '

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    1. Thanks DJan, you're very kind--but I can't believe anyone would think of you as the Devil's spawn!! Well, political beliefs aside I think the connection between my brother & I has been lost over 40 years, it shouldn't be complicated but it is. Like you said, family can be trying...

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  11. I too like that picture of you and your brother. As a mother, I so want my kids to be close to each other. I guess it's because I know one day DH and I will be gone and they'll only have each other. My own view is that family goes deeper than politics or misunderstandings, etc. I really hope you and your brother can connect on some level. (even though I'm aware that it's 'none of my business').

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  12. Theres safety in numbers thats why muggers often get away. I think they're like wolves and feel safe hunting in packs preying on targets. Watchout because boom! Wolves are fast and strike real quick.

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    1. Spacer, for all I know that young man who mugged me is now the town's mayor! Whoever he was, I hope he learned his lesson that night :^)

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  13. Most individuals I know, including some bloggers I’ve read, have said returning to live in their years-ago home town, even if family still there, generally disappointing, even regretted. Some were unhappily stuck unable to move away due to financial or other reasons. I’ve lived in enough different places I prefer to enjoy the memories, or most of them, but have no desire to return to the town of my early youth, or some other locations as I became older.

    Family matters despite most differences we can have especially as we age and their numbers as well as our friends dwindle. My decade older brother and I drifted apart politically as adults. He died before our previous national leader but I think having fought in WWII he would now reject that political party for which he was once a state candidate for office given their democracy-destroying objective. Our discussions with opposing views on numerous issues he sometimes brought to a close those years earlier when he would say, “We agree to disagree.” Perhaps your brother will become more tolerant with age.

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  14. Thanks Joared, well said about "going home again". I know when I tried going back (after being gone 30 years), I instantly regretted it too. Most of the people I knew & loved had either died or moved away years ago. I think that quote "you can't go home again" is a legitimate one. Anyway, I'm sorry for the differences between you & your own brother but sadly,I honestly think that's the norm in a lot of families...we grow old and drift away.

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