A couple years ago (okay, 17 years ago) when Facebook was brand new and I was in my mid-forties, I posted a photo of myself in my new leather jacket on the main page.
At the time I was going through some sort of mid-life crisis, and wrote that after spending my entire life as a nerdy square, was I now too old to be wearing a black leather jacket?
Expecting a chorus of positive feedback to go for it, I got the following:
1) My friend Tracy asked if I was trying to look like the Fonz.
2) My friend Alex asked if I was wearing sweatpants below my jacket, I should consider wearing jeans.
3) My younger friend (and Photoshop expert) Eric added this pair of oversized undies to my photo. Why? Because the only panty-raids I’d be going on were for granny panties at the nursing home.
While his doctored picture began getting dozens of likes and LOLs and comments, I slunk away and debated hurling myself off my fourth floor balcony. Oh the humiliation! In the end I just laughed it off, what else can you do?
The reason I shared this middle age delinquent look back is because at the start of November when I received “Courtney’s Chit-Chat” (a monthly newsletter from the senior center with 2 calendars—one for activities, the other a lunch menu) there was this special note on the main page:
It has been brought to our attention that members participating in group trips have not been respectful to ACCESS drivers and participating members. Please keep in mind that you are a representive of the center on trips. ACCESS can suspend individual members as well as suspend the center indefinitely from trips. Due to multiple offenses, we are cancelling all November trips. We do not condone bullying or disrespectful behavior.
Group trips will pick back up in December with a chaperone.
What the—grounded! Well, that sucked. Hmm.. aside from two trips to the casino (and one to Oakmont Bakery when I was sick), I’d pretty much gone on all the other trips. If I did something wrong, would they have let me know? Did I see someone else do anything?
There is one woman in our group who makes a dash back indoors to whatever establishment we just came out of, when the Access shuttle pulls up to take us home. I just chalked it up to a last minute bladder-check, but she usually takes several minutes and we’re not supposed to keep those Access drivers waiting.
Speaking of Access drivers, when we went on the Mt.Washington outing for lunch, several Access vehicles showed up to take us home. One was a regular 4 passenger car, and this tall, elderly black man got out. He said “I am lookin’ for someones named Janet—Pearl—and Douglas!”
We all came over to his car and he said “Welcome aboard ladies—and fine gent! They call me Crazy Roy! Now who wants to ride up front with me!” Pearl & Janet were already getting in the back seat, and I said “No, no—wait. I want to know why they call you Crazy Roy.”
Janet (also black) said “Child, just get in the damn car!” Crazy Roy tilted his head back and laughed. He said “Because Mister Douglas, crazy things happen to me most everytime I get behind that wheel!”
He has got to be kidding me. I stood there for a minute, mentally getting my affairs in order then climbed in beside him. No joke—this is a true story—not 10 seconds after Crazy Roy pulled away from the curb in front of the restaurant, some crazy-ass man jumped off the sidewalk in front of our car with his arms outstretched, dancing in place like a jiggly scarecrow. Crazy Roy rolled down his window, stuck his head out and shouted “GET OUTTA THE LANE, FOOL! I ALMOST RUNNED YOU OVER!”
As we got on our way, Crazy Roy said “See? We’re good now, we got the crazy outta the way!” I said “Pearl, as soon as we get back to the Tiffany please remind me to call Pittsburgh Cremation & Funeral Care—they’ve got a special going on right now for simple cremation, 1500 dollars.”
Pearl laughed and said okay, Crazy Roy said “ARE YOU SERIOUS? FIT-TEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS? YOU GOT THE PHONE NUMBER?” I said “Uh… not on me, why?”
Crazy Roy said “’Cuz yesterday was my 80th birthday! I could go anytime!”
I guess I can live with being grounded for a few weeks.