Sunday, January 26, 2014

What is the molecular formula of yominum sulfide crystals & other difficult questions

 

At the start of “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home”, we find the crew from the Enterprise on the planet Vulcan, preparing to return to Earth.  They’ve been in exile here for 3 months, where their friend Spock has been recuperating from the last 2 movies.

We find Spock looking at a row of  computer screens, flexing his Vulcan brain muscles; he’s being asked a series of scientific, historical & philosophical questions and he’s answering them as fast as the computer can ask ‘em.

Then the computer says “How do you feel?” and Spock stands there, motionless.  The computer asks him again, and again.  He doesn’t know how to answer the question.  I’ve been thinking a lot about this scene lately, because God help me, I know exactly how he feels.

After these past few months, I’ve had no choice but to become a Vulcan.  I didn’t ask for it to happen, but it was either that or go off the deep end at my job.  After months of endless, nonstop requests for data uploads and downloads and reports and new calculation & new validation processes, do this and redo that and undo this and triplicate that, I think I’m starting to go through some sort of metamorphosis.  Why get upset?  Why clench my fists and yell “aargh!” to no one in particular, or rage about it to coworkers (who seem to have a bit more free time than I do)?  Just stare straight ahead, remain emotionless and complete the requests as quickly as possible; it is pointless to do otherwise. 

I expect to awaken one morning soon with arched eyebrows and pointy ears. 

I’m not sure when this transition in my biological makeup started, I believe it was shortly after Christmas.  It finally hit me that things are not going to get better anytime soon.  My company is taking on more & more lines of business, and I’ll be expected to somehow fit them into my schedule.  But how?  Well, I do have that left hemisphere that I was saving for so-called creative stuff, like writing and drawing and composing sci-fi musicals in the shower.  I should probably dedicate that to business as well, for excel spreadsheets and SQL code.   Okay, I know I’m being a boring smartass but it’s just how I feel.  Dammit my company should be paying me double if they want that other half.

So until things change (I’m guessing in a few years when I’m able to retire), my coworkers should expect a Vulcan Doug.  I’m not pouting or sulking or resenting anyone, I’m just emotionally blank right now.  Asking me if I want to vent is just an exercise in futility, I know humans like to do that (particularly the female ones) but it’s not getting the job done.  Besides, that’s what I have this blog for!  Oops, got a little emotional there.  Kolinahr, Kolinahr…

So if you ask me how I’m feeling, you’re going to get is a puzzled look in return; I don’t have an answer to that right now.  But like Spock, I’m sure in time I’ll be able to say “I feel fine”.

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