Saturday, October 11, 2014

Hi, remember me? My Top Five Reasons for Becoming a Zombie



Excuses, excuses… I always seem to have several when it’s been awhile since I shared anything here, and this time around it’s the same old story (work, nothing of real interest to write about, general feelings of doom n’ gloom about the planet & civilization as we know it).   I’m ready for a zombie-apocalypse just to shake things up.

So in the interest of keeping this old blog of mine going (and letting you know I’m still alive, so to speak), here’s my top 5 reasons for becoming the zombie I am today.

1. The stock market has sapped the life right outta me

I’ll be honest here; I haven’t looked at the S&P, Nasdaq & Dow for 11 days now.  Who needs to, when you see headlines like “THE MARKET HAS FINALLY SNAPPED”, “WORST DAY OF YEAR FOR STOCKS” & “STOCKS LOSE ALL GAINS FOR 2014”?  There goes those dreams of early retirement… it’s enough to drive a man to drink.  Or zombiedom.

2.  Facebook has turned ApacheDug’s Teepee into Deadsville

Okay I can’t really blame Facebook for my own doings, but it seems the more time I spend there, the less drive I have to share things here.  When I told my sister Shawn this a couple nights ago, she said “That stinks.  I’m not on Facebook.”  But can you blame me?  For example, a few days ago I shared this amusing little incident on FB:


Within an hour it got 25 comments.  Here, it would’ve gotten crickets.  I admit it, I’ve been feeding off the attention I get over there like the undead feed on the living’s brains.

3.  It’s a blessing, not a curse.  (Or is it the other way around?)

The other night on the news, they shared this study about being born on Christmas.  It seems that most feel it would be a “bummer”, but the ones who really are born on that day consider it a blessing.  Wow, really?  Well, if that’s the case, then my birth on Halloween would explain my lifelong connection to all things monster.  (Personally I think maniacal robots are cooler, but zombies are what’s trending y’know.)

4. I am hungry for people… but they have to be the right people

Two weekends ago, my gay neighbors moved out. For as noisy as that pair was, they were gone for an entire day before I even knew.  And for every person I shared this tidbit with (the other tenants, coworkers, my barber) I always got the same reaction—“you must be thrilled!”  NO I AM NOT.

From their nightly caterwauling of Celine Dion songs that lasted until midnight (or even later on the weekends) to their patio aglitter with 2000 lights, to their wrestling & shrieking matches, I hated it all.  (Okay, I didn’t mind the fights so much.)  But the thing is, I worked on these guys for TWO YEARS to reduce their noise to a tolerable level, and they up & leave me??  And now, after hearing about some of the newer tenants in this building, I am realizing more & more I had it luckier than most.  

So all I can do is sit here & wait to see who moves in next; and if they’re anything like the screaming Chilean couple down the hall, or the metal-head on the first floor, I will chew their damn heads off!

5.  And last but not least—look who returns to tv tomorrow night

Does anything more need said.  The new season of “The Walking Dead” premieres tomorrow night, and it’s pretty much the reason why I’m still hanging on to my cable!   This year’s tagline is “Hunt or Be Hunted”...

and I’d happily settle for being one or the other  Left hug


  1. Zombie Dougs are cool! And don't worry about the stock market.

  2. Haha--thanks Iikka! Hope all is good with you :)


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