He isn’t Goldfinger, but the man can still work that laser

  

This past Monday (November 26) my urologist’s office called & said “Hi Doug, how would you like to have laser surgery tomorrow on your kidney stones?  Dr. Turner is aware of the issues you’ve been having with your urerteral stent, and he has an opening tomorrow to do your laser lithotripsy and stent removal.  If you’re not available, we’ll have to wait until December 21.”

“Oh & one more thing, you’ll have to come to St.Margaret Hospital in Apinwall, and you’ll need to be accompanied or go home with someone who can stay with you for 24 hours.”

Yay!  And damn.  As grateful as I was for the stent (which was helping me pee and alleviating the kidney stone torment), it had been a constant, painful feeling in my groin (and in my lower back when I peed) since Thanksgiving.  Still, I’d handled things on my own so far, and didn’t want to pull anyone into my medical drama… but what could I do.  I told my doctor’s office, yes, YES.  I’ll be there.

My friend Danielle arranged for my one-way trip there via Uber (I really need to start thinking more about getting a smartphone) and my sister Shawn generously offered to drive to Pittsburgh on a black icy night to take me home.  (She did that & more, thanks Shawn.)  And it couldn’t have been in a nicer community hospital, as they went out of their way to be friendly, informative & make me comfortable until Dr. Turner (the surgeon) arrived.

Even Dr. Turner seemed different than our first encounter (the stent placement at Mercy).  He sat on the bottom of my bed for a few minutes, told me about his wife & 2 kids, and how much he enjoyed living in Pittsburgh.  He asked if I had any questions:

Me:  Why does the anesthesiologist need to insert a breathing tube down my throat?  At Mercy I just got a gas mask…

Him: The stent placement was only a 30 minute procedure; the uteteroscopy lithotripsy will probably take a couple hours.  We need to keep you under for a much longer timeframe.

Me:  Speaking of that lithotripsy, why am I getting lasered?  My sister had kidney stones a couple years ago, and got shockwaves.  I know that’s no walk in the park either, but it’s not as invasive, right?

Him:  Well Doug, the stones can only be up to a certain size for shockwave treatment, and yours are too large.  I’m also concerned about your stones densities.  Using the laser is a more practical solution, where I can break them into small enough pieces to collect into a tiny basket.   This will allow me to study their mineral content as well.

After he left to prepare for surgery, a tiny, spry woman named Ima came into my room and explained my life would be in her hands for the next two hours.  She would be my anesthesiologist.  She asked me to show her how far I could bend my head back and how wide I could open my mouth, and it seemed no matter how wide I opened, she whispered “just a little more, a little more”  and I began to worry.  I explained to her I had TMJ (or TMD, a jaw disorder) and if I opened too wide I could rupture those discs in my jawbone’s joints again.  (FYI, they can take a year to heal.)   She promised to keep that in mind.

The operation was a success.  Dr. Turner later called and told me he hadn’t found three stones in my left kidney, he’d found six.  He managed to break them all down & collect most of the pieces.  Now for the bad news:  to guarantee I passed any pieces he’d failed to collect, he had to put in a new stent.

He also informed me (what I already knew) “Your right kidney may not be giving you issue right now, but it contains stones too and we’ll have to address that sooner or later.  But for now at least, your left kidney is clear.”    Thank you Dr.Turner.  

I’ll be going back to Mercy on Monday morning to have the second stent removed, and to hear what the good doc has to say about my other kidney’s future.  Sadly, my damn TMJ has returned.  I think the combination of things from the last 5-6 weeks was too much for my finicky jaw to bear. 

God, if you’re listening… let the TMJ stuff pass quickly this time, okay?  

(And if You’re really listening, my brother-in-law Jim is getting his hand operated on this week, and unlike myself, is as Christian as they come—and one of the good ones.)

Thanks & amen.