I am close to starting a regular obituary column on my blog.
A week ago today, I learned my (former) boss’ wife Cindy passed away. I don’t know if she had a lingering illness, but her death sounded sudden. She was only 58 years old. Her husband Len was my IT manager from 2000 to 2015 and was a very private fellow, but I managed to meet Cindy a couple times at holiday gatherings. She was attractive, pleasant, a nice person.
I can’t imagine how Len is feeling right now. Their daughter Mollie is supposed to be married in October, making it seem more unfair. Anyway, Cindy’s obituary is here.
Three days later (this past Monday) I received an email from my dear friend Suzie Zapko. It said “Doug, I can’t reach you. Please call me.” I felt my chest tighten.
Suzie & I have been very good friends for 30+ years, talk (almost) weekly on the phone and in all that time she has only emailed me twice. (The first is from 12/31/99, this was the second one.)
I called her and apologized for forgetting to let her know I got rid of my landline (home phone) after giving up cable tv a month ago. Suzie said “Doug, David is dead.” David was Suzie’s husband of 49 years, he was 69 years old. A few weeks ago, a mass was detected in his bladder. They learned it was malignant, and David wound up having his entire bladder removed, only to develop sepsis. He died a little over a week ago.
Suzie said she didn’t have it in her to go thru with a funeral. Neither of them were religious or had many friends, and aside from their daughter Kim they have no family. His body went directly to the crematorium (a block up the street from my apartment) and she’d just been notified his ashes were ready.
I wasn’t planning on sharing either of those deaths here, these are people I may have known for years, but only indirectly. And then on Wednesday there was a fuss going on downstairs, with an ambulance parked in front of my apartment building. Several people were downstairs watching, and I went down and asked a woman what was going on. She said there’d been a death on the second floor, the paramedics were unable to get their stretcher on the elevator, and were assembling a makeshift carrier.
When I asked if she knew who died, she said a tall older man named Winston, who apparently had been dead several days. His sister (who lives in England) had been unable to reach him and called the police here. Did I know him?
I sure did, I even wrote a blog about him once here. (He was British and always wore a silk scarf around his neck.) And it just occurred to me that I hadn’t seen him downstairs for several weeks. I’ll miss him, I hope his death was a quiet one.
I pray I don’t learn of anymore deaths anytime soon, but I know those wishes will fall on deaf ears. The older I get, the more common a thing this becomes.
Doug, I am so sorry. We have gotten to an age where deaths of loved ones and friends are occurring more frequently. Poor Suzie, can’t even imagine what she is going through.
ReplyDeleteTake care!❤️
Robin
Thanks Robin, and you're so right. And I need to check in with Suzie, thanks for the reminder.
DeleteMy condolences. Death is difficult to accept, isn't it? My father gave his children cemetery plots back in the 1960s, so David and I know where we will be buried.
ReplyDeleteGigi, that's so nice what your father did for you & David. Well, my family has a private cemetery (where my grandparents & parents are buried) but I want to be cremated and scattered to the wind!
DeleteMy condolences on the losses in your life. I think it is a sign of aging that we all go through. Looking back at my youth, I remember a time when I never knew anyone personally who had died. Now, it is rare to go a few months without someone I know personally dying. In a decade or two, it will be people my age that are dying and then it will be me. The circle of life.
ReplyDeleteWell said Ed, thanks. This mirrored my own personal history too, I was 19-20 before I went to my first family funeral. Yep, the circle of life!
DeleteI know exactly what you mean. This time of our lives seems to be too filled with illness and death. So sorry about all this. It really hits home, doesn't it? Carpe diem.
ReplyDeleteYes Margaret, you said it--and I know you've seen your share, and then some. None of us are immune.
DeleteAwww Doug, I am so sorry. Sadly we have reached ages where our friends and family it seems are suddenly vulnerable. I feel for Suzie and Len who lost life partners. I'd keep up those weekly calls to Suzie if I were you. She can use a friend right now.
ReplyDeleteThank you Patti, I think it also makes us appreciate who we still have and our own longevity too. 58... ugh, that's so unfair. And I appreciate the heads up regarding Suzie, I'm going to call her as soon as I get off here.
DeleteOMG, Dug, I am so sorry. It is true that we have reached that age... (or at least we have, I think you are younger). We've had 2 deaths recently too... an aunt (in her 50's) and a young niece who had health issues her whole life (15). The aunt won't have a funeral, but the young niece will. The funeral worries me as I understand the need, but any group gathering is a risk these days.
ReplyDeleteWell Rian, these weren't people I feel a personal loss from, but they affect people I care about. Your losses... an aunt in her 50s, a girl of 15, that is just awful. I'm the one that's sorry. And it's a shame you have to worry about the risk of gathering too, my gosh. :^(
DeleteOh Doug, you have my sympathies. This is so sad and three close together seems wrong. I'm especially sorry for Suzie and Len. It seems too soon for them to lose their spouses. Things like that shake us up for the sudden shock and sadness of it. But it also wakes us up. When you are young it seems like life is forever but as you get older you realize it's not. Take care Doug.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind thoughts Bonnie, I'm not sure why I felt like sharing this news here... I just feel very bad for them too.
DeleteMy grandmother said it was the worst part of getting older...you have fewer and fewer friends.
ReplyDeleteOh Debby, that's so true. I think it happens sooner than people expect too.
DeleteI've lost two very dear friends and my beloved cousin, Walt during this pandemic. I was able to see him the day before he died, but everything was so much harder. I'm so very sorry for the sadness I know you are feeling, Doug. I know you will be a comfort to Suzie. This would especially be a time she needs your friendship.
ReplyDeleteKay, I sure am sorry for the loss of your friends & cousin. I'm actually feeling fortunate I didn't lose anyone to this pandemic. And you're right, I need to be there more for Suzie, at least.
DeleteI haven't lost any close friends or family lately and I hope I don't. A year (maybe two?) before covid, a nephew died from ice addiction, he was quite young, I don't remember exactly, but about 42 I think.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to read that River, 42 years old is way too young. To be honest, I think anything under 100 is too young--I mean it.
DeleteI hope to outlive my grandma who died aged 96.
DeleteHow very sad. It's sure hard to lose friends, no matter how close or far they are from our daily lives. I still miss my friend Hedi who died suddenly in May.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences to you and your friends. Doug, be careful, be safe, be well.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear of so many Losses. Yes, it's happening here too and we see so many more Funerals pass by our Home, we live half a block from a large Cemetery. Used to be you might see 1-2 a Week, if that... now there are 9 or more Daily going by. There have been Friends I couldn't attend the Funerals of due to the Pandemic raging, one was my Beloved Pastor and another a very Dear Friend, quite recently... and I felt awful having to bypass their Services due to the No Gathering restrictions at the time. My Mom once said the hardest thing about the privilege of growing Old was how many you would Outlive and Mourn for when you Lost them, she was right about that. We just got our Boosters this Morning. Be Well and try to remain Safe Doug.
ReplyDelete