My brother Steve, some astonishing truths and (hopefully) life goes on

Some things can be difficult to share, and this post ranks right up there.  Before I even started this, I thought it important to reach out to a couple people and get their blessing first.  I did, so here this is.

This all began a couple months ago when my brother Steve (right) asked our older brother Duke & myself if we might’ve fathered a child in the 1970s.  Say what?

Duke assured him he hadn’t, and while I kissed a girl or two back then, it hardly resulted in a baby.  What’s going on?

My brother Steve, 2017

It turned out that a woman named Ashley (aged 46, born in 1977) had recently submitted her DNA to 23andme and been notified she shared a 26% DNA match to my brother Steve.  How could that be?

According to DNA sites like 23andme and Ancestry.com, when someone matches 25% of your DNA, they’re an aunt, uncle, niece, nephew or half-sibling.  Siblings with the same parents share 50% DNA.  That’s 25% DNA from each parent.

My sister Shawn asked if 23andme could’ve made a mistake, this woman was born & raised in the South.  It seemed hard to believe, but these DNA sites prided themselves on their accuracy and boasted success rates of 99.9998%.

Unfortunately, Ashley could provide little info besides her parents names and where they’re from, Louisiana and Texas.  Both her parents were deceased, her dad in 2012, her mom in 2014.  Steve and I began discussing the results provided to him, and we soon learned these two—my brother and Ashley—did share the same father.

We just didn’t know if it was her dad or ours.

Ashley’s dad Jack does bear a striking resemblance to my brother Steve

When I first discussed this with our sister Shawn, that Steve might have another dad, she got upset and had some pretty choice words for me.

I didn’t like what I was suggesting either, but our options were limited. 

The more we looked at things though, and came up with plausible scenarios, Shawn did come around. 

Our parents weren’t perfect, they were human like everyone else.  So what might’ve happened?

Sometime in 1965, our parents actually split up for a few months.  Mom was only 24 years old and had 3 kids—Duke, myself & Shawn.  One of my earliest memories is of Mom crying on the phone to our Grandma Morris, that she didn’t have enough food in the house to feed her kids. 

Around this time, Ashley’s dad (Jack H.) finished his stint in the Armed Forces, the same as our Dad’s brother (my Uncle Shane).  Were Uncle Shane & Ashley’s dad friends in the military?  Did Jack travel north from Louisiana to visit Shane and meet my mom who was on her own at the time?

All we know is, Mom & Dad got back together, and in March 1966 Steve was born. 

Our mom was one of the most unselfish people on the planet, who lived and breathed and scrounged her whole life for her kids.  If she was alone and scared about the future, who knows what choices she made.  At the very least, Mom had something of her own that no one knew about, that she took to her grave.  I told my sister this is the scenario I’d like to think happened.

Another scenario was still possible though.  Ashley’s mother was an airline stewardess.  She was around 29 years old when she got pregnant for Ashley in 1976, was she still married to Ashley’s dad?  Was she on a flight to Pittsburgh and met our dad at some bar or club? 

Dad was 38 then, a musician who performed on the weekends.  He loved Mom, but did he have a one night stand?  

I told Shawn & Steve I’d submit my DNA to Ancestry.  I know besides mapping out your origins, it connects you to other relatives.  Ashley isn’t on Ancestry, but Steve is. 

If Ancestry said Steve was my half-sibling, the same mother but different dads, then Steve came from Ashley’s dad.

If Ancestry said Steve was my full sibling, that meant our dad fathered Ashley.

A recent photo of Ashley, who is a teacher and resides in Texas

The results are in.  According to Ancestry, my brother Steve is my half-brother.  We only share 24% DNA.  Twice the amount of a first cousin match, half the amount of a full sibling.

We have the same mother, but that’s all.  Our Aunt Terry (my dad’s sister) is on Ancestry, but only I share DNA with her.

This changes nothing, he’s still my brother.  But there are some new truths to adjust to here.

Shawn and I were talking and wondering if Mom knew.  I’m sure she suspected, but we’ll never know.  We’re sure Dad never knew, we can both recall him fawning over Steve when he was a baby.   

Shawn also brought up something interesting.  In Ashley’s dad’s obituary, it said he was a hunter and fisherman, an avid outdoorsman.  Growing up, our brother Steve was very much the same, unlike anyone else in our family.  We all wondered “where he got it”.   I think now we know.

(That’s not a joke; we’re both convinced that was ingrained in our brother’s DNA.)

Steve, thanks for letting me share your story here.  A personal blog may not be the appropriate venue for something like this, but this sort of news tends to get out quickly, and I wanted it heard honest and right. 

See you soon.