Last week, the day after my trip to Mercy Hospital to meet with my PCP and an ENT, my sister texted me and asked if I was feeling better now that I started the antibiotics.
I responded I didn’t feel any better, I’d only taken two pills so far. She replied “With strep throat two doses of antiobiotics you feel like you’re healed!” I felt guilty for not having strep.
The next day, my friend Elisa (who works at the Senior Center) emailed and asked what happened at my medical appointment. I told her my PCP believed this was a long-covid condition and they didn’t have all the answers. But post-covid inflammation could persist for 3 months or even longer.
My friend said “Sorry, I’m not buying it.” I felt guilty for sharing such a dire forecast, I should’ve just said I’ll be better soon. (Still, this is now in it’s second month.)
Three days ago my friend Pat texted me and said “It’s 72F outside! Go for a walk, I bet you’ll feel like your old self!” I said okay, but the truth was I just returned from a walk to the market and felt guilty it didn’t make me feel like my old self.
The day before yesterday, I emailed Courtney (the director of the Senior Center I belong to) to inform her I wouldn’t be coming up for the Flatbread Turkey lunch, and could she please express my regrets to my flatbread partner Mary. She said of course, and asked if I wanted to attend the St. Patty’s Day luncheon next week. I said I’d better not schedule anything else just yet.
But I still felt guilty leaving Mary in the lurch for lunch.
Yesterday morning I called my doctor to let him know I was on the last of the antibiotics but wasn’t feeling much better yet. He said “Douglas, the antiobiotics were to ensure we got any bacteria in your respiratory. What are you doing to manage things?”
I told him I was taking a nightly bath with steam and epsom salts, it really seemed to ease the cranial pressure for an hour or so. And I was going to bed with Vicks VapoRub streaked on my cheekbones like Indian warpaint.
I added the Naproxen was a game changer, it reduced the pressure in my head by almost half sometimes and for hours too.
My doctor said “I only prescribed you ten of those pills for worst case scenarios, they weren’t intended for daily use.” Oops. He asked how many I’d taken, I said 6. He said “You abused those, I don’t want you taking anymore. Have you tried aspirin?”
I said yes, but they only help a tiny fraction of the discomfort. He said “It’s better than nothing. Next time follow my instructions.” Yes sir. Oh the guilt.
Okay, I just finished proofreading all this and boy this is one big boo-hoo, isn’t it? If I post this on my blog, I’m going to feel REALLY guilty for sharing it with all of you.
But as long as I’m feeling so guilty already….
Oh Doug, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Too many times well-meaning folks give advice, try to cheer you up, all because they want to do SOMETHING to help you feel better.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is, the best response from friends, family is one of genuine care and empathy. You are doing everything you possibly can to feel better. You've researched and sought help from the experts. It must be so discouraging to not have a good answer/strategy to get you feeling better.
No guilt, please my friend. You're going through a tough time and need the emotional support of all of those who care about you.
Take good care,
Carole
Carole, you're very sweet thank you. I know my friends and family mean well, it means a lot, as does thoughtful comments like yours. 🙂
DeleteCarole expressed my feelings exactly. By the way, are the illustrations your artwork? If so, well done! Am off for groceries now. I see a lot of folk wearing masks. No wonder, huh?
ReplyDeleteThanks Florence! As for the artwork here, neither is mine and now I feel guilty, haha. Have a safe trip and I'm tempted to start wearing a mask again too.
DeleteHuh. Sounds like the doc was less than clear in medication instructions and then blamed the victim (you).
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, being the wise person offering a miracle solution to a problem is a fantasy it's hard to let go of. or "of which it is hard to let go".
And chronic illness sucks. Especially things that are invisible to others.
Ceci
Thanks very much Ceci abd boy did you hit the nail on the head here! I told a friend on the phone Sunday that I almost wish this made my face turn green or purple or something. She said why so people will feel sorry for you? I said no just that I'll have proof that this is going on. I'm worried people will think I'm a hypochondriac or something! Anyway, thank you again C, I do think I'm on the road to recovery.
DeleteDon't feel guilty for sharing. I am sorry you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteI have Long Covid, and unless you have this, people just can not understand what it is like. They mean well, giving advice, they want to help, but they just can't understand.
Medical professionals don't really understand, either. It doesn't help that it affects everyone in different ways.
Thanks very much Plain Jane and I sure am sorry you're also dealing with long covid, I was just thinking this morning that this just gets stranger by the day it seems. I very much hope you make a full recovery soon, I plan to do the same soon.
DeleteDON'T FEEL GUILTY! Plain Jane is right, people don't understand and that's not your problem. Just because you don't appear as sick as others doesn't mean you're not, we're all different and we all have different problems. Appreciate the fact that everyone cares but ignore the unhelpful, guilt-inducing comments. You feel how you feel and your allowed to feel that way! Hope that helps (and if it doesn't, don't feel guilty. 😉)
ReplyDeleteThanks Bobi! I know everyone means well, that's all that matters. I just worry people will think I'm imagining all this, it's been going on forever it seems. I want it to be over more than anyone! Thank you again I feel a little less guilty now. 🙂
DeleteI sure hope this goes away soon. I'm feeling guilty for you, so you don't have to! :-)
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thanks DJan you're awesome 👌!
DeleteWith so much pain in your jaw and sinus, did anyone do an scan to have a look inside? Is it possible the antibiotics did not work because your illness is viral and not bacterial? Would an anti-viral drug work? I would be tempted to get a second opinion. Nobody should undergo this much discomfort. You need some answers.
ReplyDeleteThank you Susan, that's so nice you've kept up on this. The jaw stuff pretty much ended last Friday, but really settled into the center of my face. At the very least, I think my ENT was right that this isn't a return of TMJ. But you raise a good question here, I appreciate it and I will bring this up to my doctor.
DeleteI’m still trying to figure out how you abused naproxen! It’s sold otc but maybe you were prescribed a higher dose. Having chronic health issues can drive you crazy. I have several chronic conditions and have been told by family members I talk about them too much. I had my gallbladder out a month ago, and am waiting three months before I have anesthesia again for a torn tendon in my foot/ankle. I have been limping around for a year now ( couldn’t get a Dr to order an mri, finally did). It sucks. But luckily I have my ladies at the senior center that understand I’m not just whining, I’m frustrated! And it sounds like that is where you are. Joyce
ReplyDeleteThank you Joyce, and I'm very sorry you're going through that with your foot and gallbladder. Those are not little things, I remember when you had your gallbladder removed and it hasn't been that long! Yes the naproxen prescribed was like two and a half Aleve per dose and was only to be taken if things got really bad. They really mess up your blood pressure and put you into stroke territory. Anyway I'm glad you have your ladies at the center and you know I can really relate to that, haha. I'm anxious to go back to my own. Thank you Joyce.
DeleteBe careful with the Naproxen. David's sister died of internal bleeding from taking too many every day. She was only 52. The Vick's and the tub bath sound great. Makes me want to do the same.
ReplyDeleteThanks Gigi and I'm so sorry for David's sister. I was on naproxen 3 years ago when my TMJ was in bad shape and they pulled me off that drug then too. As for the Vicks and the nightly tub bath, yes both really do wonders! 👍🙂
DeleteWhy can't people be kind and empathetic instead of judgmental and critical? When someone is fighting health issues, the last thing they need is ignorant advice. "Just do this" type people make me crazy. No one can have the answers to these complicated health situations, but they should at least TRY to understand what you're going through and give you sympathy and care. End rant. Hoping for improvement for you, Doug.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Margaret, and thanks for giving me my one smile today :^) I know everyone means well, I'm glad to have the people in my life I do. But yes, sometimes I feel like I'm on the witness stand haha! I'll just be glad when it's over, need had anything like this before. That's life in the 21st century for you.
DeleteDoug please don’t feel guilty about anything. Guilt is a heavy load to carry around. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s very frustrating to not get some improvement when you are doing everything to help yourself. Hope to see you soon. PS the flatbread and potato salad were awesome there is always next month!!!
DeleteThank you Mary, I was hoping to hear from you! I really miss you and Evie of course and even that darn Connie, haha. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed that lunch and darn it I forgot about the potato salad. Thanks again and like it or not you are going to see me real soon. 🙂
DeleteWhen I read your title, it reminded me of the Indigo Girls song "And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board" - Closer to Fine. I am so sorry you are going through this. I was prescribed naproxen when I broke my arm. It was heaven until my prescription ran out. I understand how addiction works now. I doubt aspirin is going to have anything like that effect on you.
ReplyDeleteI hope your symptoms subside soon. You have to be miserable.
Thanks Miss Merry, and yes naproxen is pretty wonderful isn't it... but I know it can damage the kidneys and can really elevate your blood pressure I appreciate what you wrote here, and I'm really curious about that song, I'll look it up on youtube when I go to bed. Thanks again. :^)
DeleteSorry you can't just will this away.
ReplyDeleteJoanne, I wanted to thank you for recommending that Neilmed Sinus Rinse. I got it a couple days ago and have been using it twice a day, it's been soothing in my nasal passages.
DeleteTip #1: STOP feeling guilty, none of this is your fault.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible you have developed allergies? Try some antihistamine for a few days to see if that eases the pressure in your head, which may just be pressure in your sinuses, remember there are six of those! (some antihistamines will make you sleepy, so stay home until the yawning wears off.)
Is it possible you have a migraine? Aspirin may or may not help depending on the severity.
Thanks very much River, I know it's silly to feel guilty but it just seems like this has dragged on long enough. Someone else asked me if I had allergies, but this all began in January after I got a sinus infection after recovering from covid. It just escalated from there. But I'd still like to get tested for allergies. Anyway, I've tried antihistamines, aspirin, everything. Only Aleve or Naproxen help. I know this can't last forever!
DeleteSorry this is hanging on so long. I use Simply Saline on my plugged up nose. Sound like Neilmed Sinus Rinse is similar. I had a positive Covid test weeks ago in February and while most of the symptoms are gone I am really exhausted. Not my usual thing. Asleep more than awake. The aftermath of Covid seems to linger in a variety of ways and no one has a good solution. Sending you hugs and take care.
ReplyDeleteCelia, thanks so much for the kind words and for sharing your own--I'm sorry you've had to deal with covid too, our bodies just aren't equipped to process this efficiently (yet). Well, at the very least I'm now a fan of those nasal saline washes too :^) Sending you good wishes as well.
DeleteDug, we use saline nasal sprays here too... have for years. Sure hope you feel better soon. I always tell myself 'this too will pass' (and sometimes I tell myself to "suck it up" - but I wouldn't tell you that as no one knows what someone else is going through). But I do send good vibes and thoughts your way (and a virtual hug). I do believe thoughts are powerful... and hugs always make me feel better.
ReplyDeleteHi Doug, I am so sorry you haven’t had much relief from your pain. The aftermath of Covid for some people is terrible. When we had it a year and a half ago it was basically a cold for me but Chuck was really knocked off his feet. He developed eye sensitivity from it that still lingers today. At a recent eye exam Chuck mentioned it to the optometrist and he just brushed it off. There are many reports online stating that some people become sensitive to light. My goodness, don’t feel guilty, you are really suffering.
ReplyDeleteTake care.❤️❤️
Robin
Thanks very much Robin, and I'm very sorry for Chuck's lingering eye problem. I know I don't need to feel guilty about anything but still.. you just expect to be over this kind of stuff in a couple weeks. I seem to start getting better for a couple days then a big fall back like this morning. I'm just ready for it to be over.
DeleteI'm just going to say it. I think the doctor should feel pretty guilty. He's pretty unempathetic. You told him that you were having severe pain. He told you he did not want you to take any more naproxen. You told him aspirin did not help. He had an obligation to try to relieve your pain. Just leaving you hanging was crap. I had chronic sinusitis for years when I lived in the Saginaw Valley trench (never had the problem before OR since). I think I understand your pain a little. But you need to stop feeling guilty. That isn't helping.
ReplyDeleteI hesitate to ask...have you tried holding warm compresses on your face. (and if you have (or have not...) don't feel guilty about it, please.
Thank you Debbi, much appreciated what you said and I am all about the warm compresses Trust me! I cannot believe that your comment set out in cyberspace for almost 8 days. I do check my SPAM folder regularly. This is unacceptable
DeleteIf only the heavy medications seem to work I'd suggest a more thorough examination of the inside of your head. An MRI perhaps.
ReplyDeleteThanks River that may be coming.
DeleteDoug, thanks for sharing this with us. Absolutely no reason to feel embarrassed. My take on things is, what you've done is close to what all of us out here would have done, if we had been in your shoes. My recommendation (as if though you'd asked for it 😊) is to see the Doc again in person. Best wishes, Doug, on feeling better soon. John
ReplyDeleteThanks very much John, I still feel bad sharing all this stuff here but I am pushing away friends & family with my talk of this. I appreciate your input, I've already taken Joanne's advice of getting a Sinus irrigation bottle (like a neti pot) and Debby's suggestion of a sinus mask. Every bit helps. :^)
DeletePlease don’t feel guilty.Sorry the otc Naproxen doesn’t help. Maybe now is the time to try for a doctor with a better patient manner, while you still have the energy. I’m learning to fight for proper care myself. I shudder to think how hard this will be when I am actually really ill. Best wishes. Oh - are your sinuses physically blocked up? My partner had to have surgery to physically clear all the junk out of his sinuses. Stopped the recurring infections. Olivia
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Olivia, and gosh I'm sorry for your partner but it's also surprising how many times I've read this (people having sinus surgery). Mine really aren't, they are much too dry though, swollen from inflammation. I took a photo and sent it to a couple people just to show 'em it wasn't my imagination. I'm convinced this is long covid, just hoping it resolves in months, not years. Keep me posted on your own progress.
Delete