Saturday, June 9, 2012

Ladies fair I bring to you, lavender with spikes of blue

I just wanted to share something small here.  It may not be of a lot of interest to the world out there, but something occurred last night that gave me much to think about.

Last night I had a dream about my mom; I dreamt I was sitting on the couch at the farmhouse where I grew up, wondering why I was there & how I’d gotten there.

My mom came out of my parents bedroom (which was off the livingroom, the door at the foot of the stairs) looking very young and very beautiful, like she did when I was just a kid.  She was all dressed up.  I said “Mom do you have to go?” and she said “Yes honey, I’m going to a wedding.”   And that was it; I woke up.

When I awoke, I laid there for a couple minutes, missing her but savoring the memory of seeing her again, even if it was only in a dream.  Mom’s been gone for over seven years now, taken too soon by cancer, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.  It’s no secret how much I miss her still.  We all do.

I chalked up the dream to my niece Drew, to be honest.  She recently sent me her senior photo (Drew graduated from high school this week) and I was struck by her resemblance to Mom, something this young woman’s heard time & time again. 

I guessed seeing this picture, I was especially reminded of it (and of Mom).

Drew’s senior photo; she sure has grown into a beautiful young woman—she also had a special bond with Mom (her Nana)

Anyway—as I moved about today, walking to the market and the hardware store, I got to thinking about that dream, Mom telling me she was going to a wedding, and for some reason a particular memory came to mind, where Mom was a matron-of-honor at a wedding back in August 1970. 

The ceremony was for my mom’s nephew, Milford “Spunk” Fluharty.  Spunk was Mom’s older sister Lois oldest son.  And technically, my first cousin—though I can’t recall ever meeting him.  Aunt Lois had 5 other kids, a couple who we saw infrequently growing up, though sadly, have not seen or heard from in over 35 years. 

As my sister Shawn knows, I’ve often thought it strange, us having no knowledge of the whereabouts of these relations after our Aunt Lois died.  (On my dad’s side of the family, we’re fairly close to all our cousins.)

When I got home, I did a search online for Milford Fluharty, out of curiosity.  I can’t tell you how surprised I was when this old newspaper article appeared from the archives of the Observer Reporter, dated August 18, 1970; it was the same wedding I’d been thinking about.


I didn’t know Dad gave ‘Sis’ (the bride) away, and I loved how it said the matron of honor (Mom) was ‘attired in lavender’; see photo at bottom of this post

(Click on article for full size, or go to archive here)

I knew my sisters would enjoy seeing this, and was prepared to send it to them when I noticed another link in my search results related to Milford Fluharty.  Surprisingly, it was his obituary.

Even more surprisingly, he passed away just a week ago.  His obituary is here.  It just seems too much (my dream about Mom going to a wedding) to be a coincidence..         .         .

And as corny as it sounds, I can’t help wondering if that dream last night was my mom’s way of communicating something else to me, which led me to this sad news about her nephew.  I don’t know these people, but perhaps I should try reaching out anyway.  Maybe that’s what Mom (below, in her lavender dress) wanted.


  1. Wow. Everything about this post was so touching. Your dream about your mom and how much you miss her, finding that exact article from 1970, the sad and recent news about your cousin (so sorry for your loss), the beautiful photos of your niece and the wedding at the bottom of your post (your mom looked especially beautiful in that photo.) and just the thought that your mom wanted you to keep in touch with your's just all so incredibly touching and amazing. Thank you for sharing this with us. It really makes you think.

  2. Chelly, I sure do love your comments, you have to be one of the most thoughtful people I know. Thanks so much for all your kind words here. Yes I just found the entire sequence of events a little too ironic to be mere coincidence. Thanks again :)

  3. This was wonderful to read! This same picture of Drew also had me thinking of Mom and how over the moon in love she would be with that girl's style. Mom had just turned 30 in the picture at Spunk's wedding, just 2 days before, with 5 children, and look at her!! She looked like a movie star.

  4. "Spunk"--I knew this guy had another 'name', but I couldn't think of it. Thanks Shawn!

  5. Doug - I've read many times that when you dream of a dead loved one, that they're trying to communicate with you, so I have no doubt your mother was somehow letting you know about the passing in the family. Thanks for sharing the story - your mother's dress and hairstyle ROCKS in that photo, by the way - so very Mad Men!

  6. Pam thanks so much for your wonderful comments--I just found the whole sequence of events on Saturday a little too mystifying to be mere coincidence--and a big thank you for those kind words about my mom's look there, to be honest I even thought of you when I found & posted this picture! :)

  7. Thank you so much for your kind words Doug! This post about your mum is one I won't forget.

    And also thank you for the lovely comment you left on my blog today. You made my day! So happy I could bring a chuckle your way. I was actually reading through your blog archives on Sunday. Love the wonderful memories of your family and all the photographs. What is it about the 70s? The photos were unique, the toys seemed better, the outfits were colorful. It was just a fun time to be a kid (or to merely exist for that matter). I was totally floored by your movie review page—absolutely awesome! And I was glad to find another person who felt the same way I did about The Descendants film!

    You're a brilliant writer and I'm looking forward to reading the many gems in your archives. :)

  8. Thanks to you too, Chelly! Your additional comments here made me so happy that I emailed them to my sister Shawn. (She likes my movies page too, but I'm always grumbling to her that no one else probably knows it exists, so this REALLY made me happy) :)

    Well Chelly, your feelings about the 70s--I feel so much the same way, & it's why I enjoy your website so much. You remember much of the innocence there that many of us have forgotten. Thanks once again for your very kind words and I am STILL planning on writing a blog soon with you in mind :)

  9. Aw, you're so sweet Doug! I love your movie page. You reminded me of films I've been wanting to see. I'm going to use it as a viewing guide for sure. You should devote a post to it—as a means of advertising it. It's really well written, organized and thought out.

    Oooh, I can't wait to read the post you're working on! Thank you my friend! :)

  10. Chelly, one again you've made my day--thanks so much! And I think I'm going to take your advice too, I appreciate that suggestion. As for that future blog I mentioned, I've been toying with it for a couple months now, but now I have some real incentive :) Thanks again.

  11. Maybe your ma was going to your wedding, Doug...

  12. Well Andrew, if she had been I wish she could've given me her name... :)

  13. Where can I find the movie page Chelly is talking about?

  14. Hi Pam, how are you? Thanks for asking, that Movies page is in the sidebar to the right of this blog, near the top, under 'Pages on the Teepee'-it's called Apache at the Movies' :)

  15. Doh! How did I miss that? I'll check it out. And I'm doing lovely, thanks!


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