Shawn and Uriel--you’ve been served! (oh I couldn’t resist sharing this)

 

(This began as an email to my sister Shawn, but given how I see everything that happens in my apartment building as newsworthy, coupled with the irony of said events, I couldn’t resist sharing it here.)

When I got home from work tonight, I’m not inside SIXTY SECONDS when there’s a loud knock on my door—it’s Uriel!  (If you aren’t familiar with my terse Russian neighbor gal, click here.)   She said “Hello I am interrupting you.”   I said “No—I mean that’s okay—I mean—“  She ignored me and said “Can you please explain” and thrust out a piece of paper.  I noticed it had a scrap of tape on the top, I guess she found it taped to her front door.

It’s from Building Management. It says “It has come to our attention that you have defaced property at the address of 527 Monroe.  You have THIRTY (30) days to: 1) restore door to original condition 2) replace door 3) pay charges for us to replace door, including any labor.  Your lease states that you can paint walls and ceilings only. Please contact Manny at this phone number.”

I said “Well Uriel, it says you defaced your front door?”  She said “No.  I did not.”  I said “I don’t see anything wrong with it… maybe this was meant for someone else?  You need to call ‘em”.  Uriel frowned at me like I was talking a foreign language (cough) and said “thank you” and opened her door.  I saw it right away—the inside of her front door was painted what what appears to be 5 coats of white paint, with entwined roses around the peephole.  I wouldn’t say it looks Russian, but it sure looks girly.  

She said “I paint door when I move in. No one said anything.  Why this now.”  I said “Maybe they just found out about it... has someone been in here recently?”  She said “Yes, they send someone here at start of week to fix air ‘ditioner.”  I said that must be it, he probably reported it.  She went inside and slammed her door shut.  I stood there for a minute, feeling a little dumbfounded then heard her (on the phone). She was screaming bloody hell at someone.  I wonder who… oh I think she’s yelling at an answering machine.  That can’t be good, she sounds like a maniac.

Anyway, it made me think of this little conversation a couple of Saturdays ago (when my sister visited & we went to see Superman).  I was showing Shawn a couple walls I wanted to paint, and was looking for an ‘accent wall color’ for the one behind my tv & bookcases as well.

DOUG:  So I want to paint this one wall by the front door & that back wall in the bedroom a soft tan…

SHAWN:  I wouldn’t, but I wish you’d paint that piece of paneling and those cupboards.

The paneled wall that separates my livingroom from the kitchen—I like it, it’s brown

I said “Shawn, I’m not allowed—it says so in the lease.”  She said “Oh brother!  Yeah, right.”  I said “Well anyway, I like it.”  (She was fine with that.)

Shawn I love you very much, and I know you think I couldn’t possibly get into trouble for ‘improving the premises’, but you’ve never had a slumlord—I’ve lived in my share of apartments and that lease is the law of the land; ask poor Uriel!

SHAWN & URIEL – YOU’VE BEEN SERVED