Saturday, April 3, 2021

Doctor Q’Anon and ApacheDug in “Don’t do drugs”

My mailman woke me up Good Friday morning.  I was sitting upright on the end of my couch, still wearing my clothes (and shoes) from Thursday and snoring away when my phone rang and jolted me awake.

I picked it up and whispered “Hello?”   I got back “Hi Doug it’s Jim.  I’m downstairs.”  I said “Is Shawn & Sophia with you?”  (My sister Shawn’s husband’s name is Jim.)   He said “I don’t know who you mean.  Doug, it’s your mail carrier.”   I said “Oh!  I’m sorry Jim… how did you get my number?”  He said “I didn’t.  I’m down here in the lobby.  I pressed your buzzer.”

(To be honest, it’s been so long since anyone’s pressed my buzzer I forgot that it’s connected to my landline.  Also, I could only get my eyelids half open; I was dealing with some VERY heavy brain fog.)

I said “Do you need something Jim?”  He said “I wanted to let you know you left your mask down here.”  I said “How do you know it’s mine?  It’s… not embroidered with my name or anything.”  He said “It was in your mailbox.”  I said Oh.  He added “along with your wallet.”   WHAT.  I told him I’d be right down.

When I stood up my knees wobbled and I plopped back down.  Easy now… as I got back up again, it began coming back to me.  The day before, Thursday, I’d been to my conservative dentist.  (My friend Danielle calls her Doctor Q’Anon.)   It had been an early appointment, at 9am.   So why was I still dressed for it?   Because when it was scheduled a couple weeks ago, my lovely dentist had given me two blue football-shaped pills and said “Take the first one an hour before your next appointment, and the second one right after we’re done.” When I asked what they were, she said “Alprazolam.  Douglas you are way too tense & serious a patient, and your next visit is going to be 3-4 hours long.  I want you to be relaxed and happy, okay?”

Sure… who doesn’t want to be relaxed & happy?   So on Thursday morning at 8am I took the first pill.  After that… I have a dreamy memory of my doctor wearing a plastic shield on her face and promising to email me her photo, and holding a tray of tiny toys.  And laughter, lots of laughter.   My next memory was Dr. Q’s front receptionist asking if I had a ride home and me saying I only lived a bunny hop, skip & jump away.

More laughter and me promising I was going straight home.  It was all hazy & dreamlike.

When I opened my front door to go downstairs, there was a white Rite-Aid bag on my welcome mat.  I picked it up and looked inside.  A 2-pack of Bounty paper towels and a quart of very warm milk.  I have ZERO memory of going to Rite-Aid!  I looked at the receipt inside, it says I bought these items yesterday at 1:44PM.   It also says DAWN DISHWASH DETER on the slip but there’s no Dawn in here; I’ll be damned, someone came along & stole it!  

I set the bag inside then proceeded downstairs to get my mask & wallet.  When I saw Jim the Mailman, he joked “Late night?”  and then told me my chest was glowing.  Sure enough, in my breast pocket was a brightly lit ghost ring.  Dr. Q’s tray of tiny toys….  it was rubbery and I squeezed it and it shut off.

When I came back upstairs, groggy as hell and shaking my head, I saw my answering machine was now blinking.  I pressed PLAY and heard “Hi Doug, it’s Nina from Dr.P’s office?  She said if we don’t hear back from you, she’s sending in the cavalry.  She also said your mouth is going to be plenty sore for a few days, she did repairs to 8 teeth.  Get back to us by noon if possible, okay?”

That’s when it hit me… owww my mouth WAS plenty sore.  I went to my refrigerator to get a glass of juice, and right there on the top shelf was a brand new bottle of Dawn Dishwashing Liquid.

I shudder to think what I said or did for this nifty ghost ring.

36 comments:

  1. Oh, dear! That is some potent drug. I'm glad that your mailman located your stuff. It could have been much worse. Hope your mouth and brain get back to normal soon! :)

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    1. Thanks Margaret! Yes--those pills were scary potent!

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  2. That is just awful. I feel so sorry for you. Oh my. Eight teeth? Whoa!

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    1. Gigi, all's well that ends well! Yes some pretty sore teeth but I've been needing to go to the dentist since 2016 but couldn't because of lockjaw. So aside from my drug trip... all is good :)

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  3. Oh my goodness, she gave you some heavy drugs! I'm glad you got home safely and your wallet was not lost or stolen. I guess that is one way to get through a long dental appointment but the next time take someone with you! That is a lot of dental work so I hope you have something like advil to take. I couldn't help but laugh at the dawn in the fridge! The ghost ring is cool too!

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    1. Haha thanks Bonnie! I wasn't in the best of moods yesterday but can see the humor in it after a real night's sleep. Also, the bottle with the 2 pills DOES say to be taken with a meal, and I took them on an empty stomach. I hadn't eaten anything since 4pm the day before. Thanks for your kind comment and yes I have plenty of other pills--safer ones :)

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  4. Yikes, cool Dawn and warm milk and a lost day. That is positively scary Doug. You evidently were walking around like you had good sense while no one was home. You did pick a cool toy and I am just so glad you got home safely. Agree with Bonnie. Next time you visit your drug dealer (aka dentist) take someone with you.

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    1. Haha thank you Patti, I always enjoy your comments so much! It read funny to me while writing it this morning, but to lose a whole day like that is a very weird thing. But like I wrote Bonnie, those pills were meant to be taken with food and I didn't follow directions. The big thing is, I have a whole slew of micro-fractured teeth (from 5 years of lockjaw) repaired, I love my Doctor Q'Anon :)

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  5. Drugs can be heaven when deaths door is but a stones throw away. I'm shocked, you've had a close call and to lose 8 teeth with all that pain. You poor beggar ApacheDug

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    1. Spacer thanks but I didn't lose 8 teeth! I had a ton of microfractures from several years of awful lockjaw. My awesome dentist (oral surgeon) has been repairing them. :)

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  6. Wow, that was quite the adventure, Doug! How bizarre that you put your mask and wallet in your mail box. Dishwashing liquid stored in the fridge? The leprechauns were working overtime in your altered brain! Glad your teeth are now repaired. Lessons learned all round! Makes one wonder how drug addicts manage at all! Thanks for that especially entertaining share!

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    1. Thanks Florence, so well said! Yes in hindsight it's almost comical but like you said, how do real drug abusers make it thru their days? Logic goes right out the window! Anyway thank you for your always kind feedback! :)

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  7. Wow, there's a lot to chew on here. Heavy drugs, political intrigue, major surgery, sudden blackouts, mysterious signals from another world . . . and a very kind mail person. Be careful, be well.

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    1. Haha thanks Tom! (And yeah I love my mailman--Jim's awesome!)

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  8. I checked that drug on winkopedia and the brand name for it is Zanax. It has been prescribed since 1981. While some of your effects are noted, nothing like you experienced is mentioned. The empty stomach is the key.

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    1. David I think that too, not eating for like 36 hours before taking those pills--but they really did do a funny number on me.

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  9. Wow, you really were out of it for quite a while to be putting dish detergent in the fridge and then sleeping for hours upright on your couch. I hope you have something available to take away the afterpain. That's a very cool ghost ring.

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    1. Thanks River--yes, plenty of normal Tylenol, Advil, aspirin! And I do like this ring, haha... :^)

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  10. 8 teeth at one time! I can just about cope with one, sometimes even that I have to have over several appointments!

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    1. Thanks Joey! Yeah, 8 teeth repairs in one 4 hour sitting--I've never had it done either! I guess some weren't as bad as others, but still...

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  11. I am scared to think who you’ll be voting for in 2024. “Must vote for a qanon Republican.”

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    1. Haha! Danielle, if I start saying anything nice about Republicans come over and knock some sense into my head immediately!

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  12. Uuuummmm.... Doug? This is rather scary to me. I looked up the drug too and saw some common side effects:
    Drowsiness.
    Depression.
    Headache pain.
    Constipation.
    Diarrhea.
    Dry mouth.
    Impaired coordination.
    Increased or decreased appetite.

    I'm glad you didn't get these side effects.

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    1. Thanks Kay--well, I'd say drowsiness and impaired coordination was 2 big things, but I did take these pills on a very empty stomach which I think made all the difference. At least it gave me something to write about! I hope you & Art had a nice Easter.. :)

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  13. Eight teeth in one sitting. No wonder you took the happy pills.
    Did you drive home?

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    1. Hi Peter--well, she just did surface repairs to the teeth (which had cracks from TMJD clamping of the jaw). No driving for me, I sold my car a year ago... just a dizzy walk home I suppose! Hope you had a nice Easter, Music Man :)

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  14. Yikes to all of it, the dental work and the drugs. Glad you are ok now. Whew!

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    1. Thank you DJan... well, like I wrote to Kay, at least it gave me something to write about! I don't like that feeling of not being in control though... it's why I never liked to drink, I bet you're the same way.

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  15. OMG... tho' it was Funny in the retelling of it, what a Horror being given something so strong that you didn't even know what you were doing! Thank God your Mailman found your Wallet and contacted you... as for the Dawn Detergent in the Fridge and the Milk left sitting somewhere, that's hilarious, I do that without Drugs! *Bwahahah*

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    1. Hahaha--Bohemian, thanks for the seeing the humor in it--I was trying to look at it in a funny way too, at least!

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  16. OMG! Thanks for the laughs this morning. I laugh only because I can relate.

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    1. Haha--thank you Ed! I wouldn't mind giving this another go, AS LONG AS I wasn't leaving my apartment or going shopping or anything! Also, it's very important to eat something before taking them :)

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  17. When you find that you have lost your way, that there is no way out for you, know that your strength must be in the Lord. He will sustain you, He will lead you to green pastures 💖

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  18. Well ApacheDug, (this is Linda in Kansas from Kay Musing's blog):
    Even with food, your body will probably respond similarly if you sign up for those drugs during another such adventure.
    Please provide a photo of your glowing chest!
    What a nice, caring mailman; he doesn't find wallets in mail boxes too often. In case you're still under the influence, don't drink the milk...
    Linda in Kansas

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    1. Hi Linda, thanks for your comment! (I recognized DrumMajor immediately) :^) Thank for your input about those meds, I really thought it was from just an empty stomach--but if what you said here is true... thanks for letting me know. And yes, I've got one of the nicest mailmen I've ever known, he's terrific. As for the glowing chest, well I did post a pic of what was causing it! :)

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