I saw on the news recently where the Suicide Hotline has a new number now, similar to 911 for Emergencies. It’s 988, and it’s a pretty wonderful thing.
At the same time, I can’t help but feel we need an A&P Hotline for folks 60 & above who are living in some discomfort, but also live alone (or maybe bent the ears of friends or family a little much already)—the Aches n’ Pains Hotline.
I suppose the Hotline would be manned by volunteers, my only request is that these volunteers also be 60 or older. I’m looking for a sympathetic ear, not someone who’s doing eye-rolls on the other end or responding to my A&Ps in a condescending or patronizing manner!
A&P: Hello, A&P Hotline. What ails you?
ME: Hey A&P.. oh I shouldn’t be bothering anyone with this, the last couple weeks have just been a little rough, that’s all.
A&P: That’s what we’re here for—go ahead, I’m listening.
ME: Well, yesterday I had a pretty bad gallstone attack. They never last longer than 2-3 hours, but it’s my third attack this month. It’s been a couple years since I’ve dealt with these, so I’m hoping they go away like before.
A&P: My sister-in-law had gallstones, she had to have her gallbladder removed!
ME: I hope it doesn’t come to that! Anyway, that’s the least of my problems. A few days ago, I began experiencing TMJ issues—jaw disorder pain in my left jaw again. Ugh it scares me.
A&P: You had it before?
ME: Yes, a more severe case in December 2018 after getting oral intubation during kidney surgery. It lasted over two years and I wound up being involuntarily committed after an opioid overdose.
A&P: Heavens! What do you suppose brought it back?
ME: I don’t know, I think a combination of stress and too much jaw crunching—eating hard things. A couple weeks ago I bought a very pricey chair online that wasn’t what I expected, and it took 15 calls to Wayfair to get things sorted out and returned. It was a thousand dollars, I’m still waiting for a refund.
A&P: And what kinds of hard things have you been eating?
ME: Well, the first week of July I went on Amazon to buy a veggie chopper and a milk bottle brush. Amazon said “You’re just $3.75 away from qualifying for free shipping.” So I looked around and added a box of Belvita Breakfast Biscuits to my Amazon cart for $3.88.
When I got my order a few days later, they didn’t send me a box of those biscuits—they sent a CASE! So I’ve been doing more than my share of munching and I think they’ve really aggravated my jaw muscles.
A&P: I enjoy those Belvitas myself, but they’re more like dog biscuits than cookies! You should have a cup of hot coffee nearby for dipping. That and a soft piece of fruit makes a fine breakfast.
ME: Okay, thanks I’ll do that.
A&P: Will an over the counter medicine like Advil help your jaw pain? They do wonders for my back.
ME: I can’t take Advil or even aspirin for that matter. I’m on two meds for hypertension and Advil makes my blood pressure skyrocket!
A&P: What about Tylenol then? I’ve read it’s not good for the liver in the long-term, though.
ME: I’ve read that too. But I don’t think a couple would hurt on occasion.
A&P: Okay, great! Now don’t forget my suggestion for enjoying those Belvita Biscuits, take care now!
ME: I will, thanks A&P!
Oh, this was fun to read! I'm hoping you'll pay attention to all the good A&P advice you received. :-)
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thank you DJan--and yes as a matter of fact I'm dipping one of those biscuits in my coffee now :^)
DeleteSo what's the number for the A&P hotline? I need to discuss my knees with them!
ReplyDeleteTom it's (412) 801-1 oh wait that's my cell phone number 😉
DeleteToo funny! Great idea though... and dipping the cookies/biscuits in coffee should work! And I use Tylenol when needed... from what I understand, it shouldn't hurt your liver unless you're taking too much. And you know, Dug... blogs act like an A&P number sometime. I've gotten some good advice here.
ReplyDeleteRian, you're exactly right my friend. When I get comments from friends like yourself, I always feel better. Thank you. 🙂
DeleteFunny but a really great idea. Maybe get one started? You should be CEO.
ReplyDeleteI really like the advice you got on the A&P hotline. Wish they were real. I kind of use my blog for that purpose:) Good advice about the biscuits and glad you are heeding. Go easy on the jaw.
Sorry about the gallstones though. I was misdiagnosed with ulcers for 10 years till I finally got my gallbladder removed. Haven't had one of those episodes since.
Rian is right about Tylenol. Keeping in the range is fine but don't drink alcohol with them. That is killer.
Be well my friend.
Well, this was very helpful. Thank you A&Patti! 😉 On the more serious side, very interesting you had your own gallbladder removed. When I spoke to my doctor about this a couple weeks ago, she said we will go over my options if needed at my next appointment mid August. I get the feeling she doesn't think I'm ready for that operation yet. Well I'm glad you don't have to deal with it anymore Patti. 🙂👍 Thank you again.
DeleteExcellent idea! I don't have much to discuss at the moment but I WILL. I was hoping you were finished with that jaw issue; I didn't realize that chewing hard things would aggravate it. I love coconut but those do look like dog biscuits. LOL Great post, Doug. Made me smile this morning.
ReplyDeleteThank you Margaret, you're very kind! And you're right, they do look like dog biscuits - but I did dip them in coffee this morning, and it just takes one second to make a huge difference. And by the way if you like coconut these are very coconutty 😋
DeleteYep, my TMJ rarely flares cuz I wear a CPAP mask, which amazingly helped it. Went to the ELVIS movie and ate popcorn. Popcorn doesn't usually flare it anymore, but it did a bit by yesterday evening.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I own the rights to the A&P hotline.....nope, that's only bloggy responses. Keep chasing that refund! Might need to make a fake lawyer letterhead. Linda in Kansas
Thanks Linda, you always make me grin! I'm sorry you have to deal with TMJ too, and boy you're right popcorn is a big No-No. I hope you liked the Elvis movie at least! And as for bloggy responses, I always look forward to yours. 🙂👍
DeleteHi Doug, I wondered what you were blogging about when I saw the old A&P symbol. Do you still have A&P stores in the States? They have been gone from Canada for a few years now.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are having some health concerns. Stress definitely can bring on TMJ. I know Chuck has the same issues as you. Hard cereal is a no no for him. He doesn't care for milk so only has a splash on his cereal. I don't know how he eats it dry!
Your cookies look yummy. Dunking is the best way to go with them!
Do you have a mouth guard? I know they are not the most comfortable to wear but the odd time Chuck gets pain in his jaw he will wear it for a few nights.
Rian is right, we all can be an A&P help line!
Take care.(())
Robin
Robin, thanks so much for this nice message. I wondered if anyone would recognize that old A & P logo, they've been gone from the states too now for several years. Growing up, it was the only supermarket my grandma shopped at, she always ground her own coffee there! Anyway, I am sorry to read about Chuck. It's the same with me with cereal, but unlike him I can eat it if I put a gallon of milk on it first! 😄. Trust me if you saw how much I use... And as a matter of fact I have a mouthguard too, in fact I have a couple of very heavy acrylic ones for sleeping with. They cost a small fortune. Well Robin, you're a dear and thanks for being part of the A&p helpline! ♥️🙂
DeleteDoug, the smell of freshly ground coffee throws me back to my childhood when my Mum would grind her coffee beans at A&P too!
DeleteI get teased about how much milk I put on my cereal. It is more milk than cereal!😆
Have a nice evening.❤️
Robin
Wow, I'd use that hotline! Wish I could talk myself through my own problems like you did, I just wind up in a huge bout of self pity.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bobi, this was very nice of you to say! And I've had a few of those bouts myself...
DeleteME: I have really painful arthritis, my hands and fingers especially, but also my ankles and knees.
ReplyDeleteA&P: There’s a solution to that. Chop off your hands, knees and ankles.
ME: Thank you. I’ll get right to it.
Peter is that the Aussie chapter of A&P? That's pretty rough! (And I am very sorry to read about your arthritis...)
DeleteWe don’t have belVita here. I haven’t missed them.
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty--I never even heard of Belvita Biscuits (I thought that was just a European term) until a few weeks ago, when I saw a commercial for them. They're high in fiber, low in sugar and come in lots of flavors.
DeleteA case of them???? That is a lot of fiber. I can guess what your next call will be for.
ReplyDeleteHaha--yep a case for $3.88, I think someone goofed! And yes they ARE high fiber, so not good for binging ;^)
DeleteLike Robin, I immediately thought "A & P grocery chain" when clapping eyes on the logo. I love your Aches and Pains hotline idea! Just having someone listen seems to ease the complaint. And you do have some medical challenges, Doug. Sorry to hear about the return of the TMJ and the gall stone attack. I can only offer my sympathy. But on the bright side, your troubles inspired a very entertaining post. Your creativity is certainly alive and well!
ReplyDeleteThank you Florence--to be honest I've been wondering where you were, I hope things are well with you & we see Ellie Mae soon :^)
DeleteHello, ApacheDug. I followed some friends over here. I can see why
ReplyDeleteI grew up in Akron, Ohio, Just down the road (up?) from Pittsburgh. A&P was where we shopped, on the day mom took dad to work and she had the car for errands. She always put the bunch of bananas on top of a bag of groceries, and we could eat one each on the way home.
Hi Joanne, that's a fun memory of A&P, I appreciate your visit and thank you for sharing that. :^) I loved A&P!
DeleteI really appreciate the TMJ cream you suggested, Doug. I brought it with me on our trip too. My jaw still crunches, but no pain. Thank you very much. Belvita? This is such a coincidence. My granddaughter brought that with her to Hawaii. She apparently loves it.
ReplyDeleteI think 988 is a great idea. The police have not been good about handling cases that require more understanding.
Thank you Kay, I'm glad you got that cream. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that crunching, but very glad there's no pain. I'm going on Amazon right now and getting a jar! And that's funny about those Belvitas, I never even heard of them until a couple weeks ago. 🙂
DeleteMost of the nerves in the body are connected one way or another, it's possible the gallstones pain is reacting in your jaw? Just in case, stick to softer foods for a while.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of an A&P line.
Good advice River, thank you. And the more I think about it, the more an aches & pain line makes sense. 🙂
DeleteMy goodness, you have been through Hell and back! But, those biscuits look appetizing. Good idea to dip them in milk or coffee.
ReplyDeleteThanks Gigi... well, we've all been thru plenty--I know of your own medical battles, I admire you. And yes you should try the biscuits, I like the cranberry-orange ones (with real pieces of fruit) best. :^)
Delete