The Domino Effect: It helps keep things in perspective

 

It’s not a good time to call me if it’s a Thursday night; for as long as I can remember, that’s when I do my weekly kitchen-bathroom scrubdown.  (And I’m talking down on the floor, on my hands & knees--none of those sissy-ass Swiffer mops for me!) 

So last night after cleaning both rooms, and putting everything back in place—the kitchen stool & wastecan, the bathroom rugs and my digital scales in just the right spot, I banged them down a little too hard & saw “Err” flash on it’s readout window, followed by “2.5”.  Ulp! Friday morning is my weekly weigh-in, I’ve gotta make sure those numbers are right on the money!  I ran into my kitchen and got the sack of Domino Sugar I’d purchased earlier in the week, I hadn’t opened it yet so I knew it was precisely 4 lbs.

(By the way, just mention you have a 4 lb bag of sugar in the house and it always seems to get a reaction from people.  “What are you doing with a big sack of sugar?  I thought you were trying to lose weight!” or “Oh, we don’t keep sugar in our house”  or “What do you need with all that sugar, do you do a lot of baking??”  No, and it’s not like I sit on my couch with an open sack and a spoon either—I like a teaspoon in my morning coffee and I add 1/4 cup to the gallon of iced tea I brew twice a week.)  

Anyway, where was I… oh yeah, calibrating my digital scales.  I turned them on again, waited until I saw 0.0 then plunked down that sugar and saw they were right as rain.

So of course this morning was my weekly weigh-in, which I’ve been doing since the start of last summer.  I’d lost 1.8 lbs since last Friday and as of today, exactly 32 pounds. 

Truth be told, I didn’t do a whoopee-dance or anything.  I thought about the last 7-8 months and the nightly exercising & healthier diet I’ve committed myself to, and felt a little bummed that I still have a ways to go to hit that 50 pound mark.  After all this effort, it still seems so far off, and frankly I’m pooped.  I still feel fat as ever too.  I’ve been in weight-races & weight-challenges since 2003, and my latest Diary of a Fat Man chapter is my 5th chart in 4 years.  But then again, I’ve never come close to these results, not even by half.  A couple hours ago I tried on the pair of pants I wore a year ago on my last day in the office, and was surprised at how big they were now around my waist.  That helps!

What’s really brought this in better perspective though is that sugar.  I just hoisted that same sack down from the cupboard to sweeten a fresh pitcher of tea, and two thoughts occurred to me;  this is a hefty little thing, and since June I’ve lost the equivalent of eight of these from my body.  Eight!  That’s something. 

‘Tis better to be silent & be thought a grumpy ass, than to blog and remove all doubt

This is me, at 6:44 this morning.  I’m wearing earbuds that are blasting music into my ears, to drown out the hammering coming from the idiot who moved into the apartment below mine.  I think I’m going to put on my heaviest shoes & start clopping around in here!  Maybe I’ll wait till tomorrow morning, say around 5am… they don’t call me #grumpyassdoug for nothing.

One day last week I went on Facebook (to waste time, what else) and noticed a few friends had been taking one of those dumb quizzes—“How Grumpy Are You”.  Most of them had received “You’re normal!” responses to the test, displayed proudly for everyone to see. 

Anxious to show everyone I was normal too, I took the test & answered the questions as honestly as I could.  It said I was a wet blanket!

This is what I get for telling it like it is

Some friends rushed to my defense and exclaimed otherwise, but I knew the cat was outta the bag.  I suppose I’ve been walking around with a dark cloud (or wet blanket) over my head for awhile now, and while I WISH I could say that’s why i haven’t been writing that much lately, to spare everyone from Doogie Downer, the simple truth is that I am hearing cries of bear markets and global recession, and as my retirement portfolio dwindles, so does my motivation to get online & shower the world with my usual peppy banter.  I’m doomed.

Alright, I got a little dramatic there but still…  it just seems that everyday I’m getting a wake-up call.  Yesterday I was working on my Federal & State taxes, and rubbing my hands together as everything was falling into place.  I’ve been living on savings (and some paltry dividends), but converted $13,000 from my IRA to a Roth in 2015 to meet the minimum income for my Obamacare insurance subsidies.  It worked out nicely & I even got a $69.00 Federal tax credit, but what I wasn’t counting on was the additional $1,000 tax bill I got slapped with! 

I’d previously guesstimated I’d be paying around $250 to the Feds and was correct, but I neglected to consider my local & state taxes and they want 1.50% and 3.08% of everything, meaning I’ve got to come up with another thousand bucks by April 15th.

Ouch!  My plans for a smidge more fun in 2016 are fading, fading, fading…

Okay, knock it off GrumpyDoug!  I’ve gotta keep telling myself I’d rather live with my lumpy couch for another year and tighten that belt a bit more if it means I can continue on my new career-path as a live-in hobo.    

Aw, there’s a smiley face!  Maybe I won’t turn out to be a grumpy ass after all… now I just need to knock some sense into that jerkwad in the apartment below.

Gypsies, Trumps and Thieves: finally getting around to 2016

 

This is my sweet 11 year old niece Sophia.  Last week I came across this website Dreamscope.com where you can upload photos and after a 5 minute wait, see them transformed into various works of art.  You have a choice of artists and styles to choose from, can select your basic oil painting or a particular artist like Picasso.  Depending on the photo, the results can be amazing. 

This ‘Picasso’ of Sophia still  pretty much resembles her photo, but for some reason it puts me in mind of a little gypsy. 

(And if you saw all the baubles & beads this kid has, she’s ready to hop on one of those caravans!)

As long as I’m at it, here’s a ‘medium oil’ of my sister Shawn, I think this one’s my favorite:

And lastly, here’s a photo that my dad took of Mom from the early ‘60s, and Dreamscope’s trippy update.  I figure I’m probably last to the table with this stuff and it’s a standard app on everyone’s smartphone or tablet now.  But I still dig it!

Getting back on topic, where was I… oh yes, the trumps & thieves.  I’m not sitting around obsessing about it, but last night on Facebook a very liberal friend & Democrat wrote “GOP, you gotta stick with Trump and show us who’s boss!”  and I quaked a little inside.  I’m sure most Dems see him as a sure way of getting Hillary or Bernie Sanders in the White House, but I couldn’t help but be reminded of ‘Big Brother’ and those weekly eviction votes.  Everytime a well-liked person was put next to the smarmy bully-douchebag as a pawn (to ensure said douche was voted out of the house), somehow things always got twisted around and it was the good guy who was sent packing instead. 

I just think there’s a lesson to be learned here from cheesy reality-tv…   

And finally, in regards to that thieves business… my retirement portfolio is missing around 61K from it’s December balance & I hope they catch the crooks who took it!  Okay all kidding aside, I don’t think anyone saw this coming.  My first post of 2016 was originally set to be a real yawner about ‘preferred withdrawal strategies’ (as I was planning my first retirement withdrawal this month) but with things the way they are now, it just ain’t happening.  Not in January, most likely not in 2016.  Ulp.

So for the time being, I guess I’ll be getting by on my good looks.   Alright, just wanted to put something new on here, I’ll try to keep things a little more upbeat in the year ahead!