How a rainbow a day keeps the crazies away

Y’know, between having this godawful TMJ and--

Doug, everyone has TMJ.  That’s short for temporomandibular joint.  I wish you would refer to it as TMD, or temporomandibular joint disorder. There’s a difference.

Shawn do you NOT see this photo of Joan Crawford from ‘Strait-Jacket’ wielding a hatchet?? 

Oh brother!  Go on, then!

As I was saying—between this infernal TMD and McDonald Trump in the White House, I think I’d go ABSOLUTELY BONKERS if it wasn’t for people like Rachel Maddow & Lawrence O’Donnell on MSNBC, Don Lemon on CNN, Stephen Colbert (who’s hilarious late-night monologues consist primarily of reading aloud Trump’s DUMBASS tweets from earlier in the day)…

And YouTube sensation  Randy Rainbow! 

For the one or two heterosexuals out there who haven’t heard of him, Randy is a gay comedian who lives in Queens, NY—and with the help of a few props, a green screen and his home computer, cranks out viral videos which are truly works of art.  They usually begin with him interviewing a GOP politician (inserting himself into real clips from one of those “fake news channels”) and then breaking into song—always a satire of a show-tune.

The Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, The Wizard of Oz, West Side Story, Chicago—he’s done ‘em all, each one hilarious and leaving me crying happy tears with his talent & genius.

One of his latest, based on South Pacific’s “There is Nothin’ Like a Dame”—omigod, just watch it

Anyway, if you have a sense of humor and an appreciation for real talent, you would click over to YouTube and check them all out.  Every time I watch one, I want to kick myself— Randy’s been on a “small club tour” across the country, and a month or so ago was right here in Pittsburgh and I didn’t make an effort to go see him in person.

Doug, I--unbelievable!  Cough!  Snort!

I know Shawn, I know… calm down, I can feel the spittle from here!  (My sister’s a Randy Rainbow fan now too, and once suggested we get tickets—I kinda shot the idea down & said it’s easier to watch on Youtube, what was I thinking?)

Alright, where was I—oh yeah, I have this friend… let’s call her Tina.  I’ve known Tina since the late ‘80s, for years I considered her my “sister in the city”.  Her entire life has been about the theater—she volunteered or performed in community theater musicals, makes annual pilgrimmages to New York City to see the latest Broadway shows—her whole family’s in the act.  (Her cousin Linda’s an amateur producer, her brother does the lghting for local stage shows, and guess what her son is studying in college?  Theater Arts!) 

So very recently after seeing Rainbow’s latest, I asked Tina what she thought of him.  Had she seen any of his videos?  She said she’d never heard of the man. 

“WHAT??”  I sputtered.  I told her about his musical spoofs and sent her a link—oh boy, she was in for a real treat.  A couple minutes later she wrote back.  “I can’t watch this.”   I asked why not.  Wasn’t she near a computer?  Didn’t she have a Youtube app on her phone? 

She said “No, I mean I watched him for a couple seconds but turned it off.  It’s pretty clear he’s a homosexual.”

“WHAT AGAIN!??” I sputtered.  I said “Tina, I don’t mean to stereotype anyone, but with your theater background, surely you know more than your share of gays…”   She said “Oh I do, I’m friends with a few of them.  I don’t have anything against them personally, but I am a Christian and the Bible clearly says their lifestyle is a sin.”

My head was spinning.  I said “It’s not like they have a choice… “  I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation, I felt like Glenn Scarpelli defending the new gay kid in school in a 1982 Afterschool special.  She said “Now now Mister Morris!  I never said it was or wasn’t a choice, I am only telling you what the Bible says and I’d be happy to show you the reference.” 

I told her that wasn’t necessary, I believed her.  What I WANTED to say was that Superman’s homeworld Krypton once orbited a giant red sun before it blew to smithereens and I’d be happy to show her the reference, ‘cuz that’s been told over the years to millions of people too. 

(Seriously, even if you do consider the Bible holy, do you know how many times it’s been edited over the centuries to meet the social mores or ideals of various clergy and persnickety royalty??  Having a gold-flocked “Holy” on the front doesn’t make it righteous.)

Anyway, this was just another reminder of why I feel the way I do about religion in general.  In my twenties I envied Christians for their beliefs.  In my thirties I looked at people of faith with scorn, in my forties with humor.  And now in my fifties, with real fatigue.   I’ve seen quite enough hypocrisy in Jesus’ name, let alone judgment & condemnation of good people who’s only crime has been is not living a lie.

So for the time being, I’m going to continue to laugh my ass off at Randy Rainbow’s latest, and wait for the news story where VP Mike Pence has been caught feeling up a Senate Page in the men’s room.  He’ll probably claim his “laying on of hands” was just a more direct approach of that lamebrain gay conversion therapy he claims to believe in.  And I’m sure a lot of Christians will believe him too.