Doug’s “I can’t bake but this is an emergency” lemon sugar cookies

It was announced last week that effective Monday, YOU CANNOT SHOP WITHOUT A FACE MASK IN PA.  Uh-oh.  I suspected this was coming and tried to plan ahead, but not soon enough.  (I ordered some cloth masks from Etsy, but they’re being shipped from Los Angeles and according to the tracker, STILL in Los Angeles.)

Sunday afternoon I made an emergency run to the market (along with the other naked faces) and stocked up on some necessities— eggs, bologna, hummus, lima beans, chicken, tomatoes, soup.   There were three 6-packs of Charmin toilet tissue on the shelf—Charmin!  I thanked my maker and grabbed one, this brings me up to 19 rolls.

Then I awoke Monday morning, went to get a bowl of cereal—darn, no cereal.  How about pancakes?  No mix, no syrup.  Any peanut butter?  Yes, but no jam, and no bread.  And then it hit me: 

I HAVE NOTHING SWEET TO EAT IN MY APARTMENT.  How in God’s name did I allow such a thing to happen??  I can live without social contact… but no cake, no ice cream, no cookies?  What’s the point of living then?

I found a recipe online for “lemon sugar cookies” (the only cookie recipe I have all the ingredients for) and while I know it sounds simple, the last time I baked something sweet from scratch… I think I was 10. 

But desperate times call for desperate measures, so regardless of the outcome, I’m going to share the results here.

1. THIS RIVAL HAND MIXER HASN’T SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY IN THIRTY YEARS.  But aside from some rattling (and a creepy ozone smell), it still works.  Okay, beat one stick softened butter & a cup of sugar together until “light & fluffy.”  

Um… I’m not getting fluffy.  More like frothy.  I’m proceeding.

2. MIX IN 2 TABLESPOONS LEMON JUICE, 1 EGG & 1/2 TEASPOON OF VANILLA EXTRACT THAT SAYS ‘BEST IF USED BY MARCH 2008’.  Done!

3.  REDUCE MIXER TO LOW & ADD 1 TSP ARM & HAMMER BAKING SODA, 1/4 TSP SALT & 2 CUPS FLOUR THAT EXPIRED ONLY 3 MONTHS AGO.  Beat until no streaks remain.  What’s a streak?  Oh well, done!

4.  COVER & CHILL IN FRIDGE FOR 2-4 HOURS.  Wait, 2-4 hours??

At least now I have lots of time to clean up my kitchen, you wouldn’t believe the mess I made in there.  (Don’t forget to turn the mixer speed down BEFORE you add the flour.)

A few hours later…

5.  WHEN THE CHILLED DOUGH HAS THE CONSISTENCY OF OLD PLAY-DOH (IT’S HARD) CHISEL OUT TABLESPOON-SIZED GLOPS, ROLL INTO BALLS ON A PLATE OF LOOSE SUGAR.

PLACE ON BAKING SHEET, SPACED 3 INCHES APART FOR SOCIAL DISTANCING. 

6.  BAKE AT 350 DEGREES FOR 12-15 MINUTES.  Unless you have an ‘air bake’ cookie sheet like this one, then bake at 350 degrees until Wednesday.

20 minutes later….

I feel like Steve Urkel, that nerd on Family Matters.  “Did I do that?”

Forgive my boasting, but these came out so good.  Crispy around the edges, soft & cushy in the center AND DELICIOUS.  (I added an extra tablespoon of lemon juice during the mixing, next time I’m going to add double that.)

Now my only problem is, I enjoyed two of ‘em and I’m stuffed--they’re bigger than you think.  And I have 25 more.  What am I going to do with all these cookies??  Eat them while waiting for my masks, I guess!