I don’t have a thing for older women (but I guess I have a thing for older women)

A year or so ago when I was still on Facebook, I made the egregious error one day of saying I missed my 85 year old neighbor Nancy. 

This is not Nancy.  I’m getting to this.

After living in Pittsburgh for 30 years, my sister convinced me it’d be in my best interest to move home.  (It was a big mistake, I lasted there all of 6 months.)

But I did make one friend in my short time there, my next door neighbor Nancy—an ornery woman who told me I was a dead-ringer for her husband who’d died 30 years prior.

When I asked her how he died, she said probably from too many sweets, plus he liked to walk around in his bare feet all the time—just like me.  Er… okay!

Anyway—my pal Eric (a younger friend of mine, also ornery) photoshopped this pic of me with some golden oldie; I had no idea who she was.  He posted it on my Facebook and I spent the next couple weeks having to explain to people THIS ISN’T NANCY, IT ISN’T EVEN A REAL PHOTO.

What got me thinking about this is that a couple weeks ago, I was watching tv and there was a news story about the 2020 additions of Victoria’s Secret models, those young women who walk down a runway in their underwear.  I sat here grading each one: “Too skinny, too bony, too spray-tanned, too mousy even though I know mousy is in, this one’s flaunting her hip bones, this one’s damn legs are thinner than her arms!”  

I had given a failing grade to each model.  Doug, what’s wrong with you??  I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S WRONG, I’M ALMOST 60 AND HAVE NO SEX DRIVE LEFT.  Well, I just figured it was gone with age—or from the carvedilol I take for my high blood pressure now or the nortriptyline for nerve pain.  Who cares, I’d rather eat pancakes!

But then yesterday morning, after settling on my couch with my remote and first cup of coffee, I snapped on my TV and was greeted with this image of various women seated together, also in their underwear.  And before I even knew what I was thinking, I heard myself say “hubba hubba”.  Hubba hubba?  Where did that come from?

It was an older women’s underwear commercial from some company named Knix.  Never heard of them, but I sure liked their more mature models.  I thought about these ladies the rest of the day. 

So maybe I didn’t lose my sex drive after all… it’s just not what it used to be.

To be honest, maybe I saw this coming.  When my sixtyish neighbor Opal moved into the building a few months ago (I’ve written about her before, she sits in the lobby everyday with a book) I was starting to get a little curious about her, maybe doing a couple of quick appraisals. 

But then earlier this week, Silver-Sneaky Sue on the first floor confided to me that Opal spends most of her waking hours in the lobby because she thinks she’s being followed around in her apartment by the ghost of an old italian woman.

Opal’s hoping her ghost gets bored and leaves soon, because she doesn’t want to move again.  It seems she had a problem with ghosts following her around in her last apartment too.

I know people usually come with baggage, especially at our age... but with ghosts?  Well, I’m sure that after this pandemic passes there will be plenty of other gems out there. 

Meanwhile, I sure hope Nancy is doing okay.