Shopping at Kuhn’s: it’s a different world from where we come from

This is Kuhn’s, my neighborhood supermarket.  It’s about two blocks walking distance from my apartment, and aside from a deli far up the street, pretty much the only game in town.  It’s bigger than your average corner market, but certainly smaller than those chain groceries like Giant Eagle or Aldi.  I’ve been shopping here since 1994.

I have a real affection for the place.  A couple of months ago (before this pandemic crisis started), I was in there one day in the cleaning products aisle, looking up & down the shelves.  The store’s manager was nearby with a clipboard, saw me and asked if I was looking for something in particular.  I said yes, Spic n’ Span.  He pointed his pencil at a row of Spic n’ Span bottles on the shelf, and I said no, I wanted the powdered stuff that comes in a box.  A woman nearby said “Oh I remember that!  Do they still make that?”  I said I didn’t know, hadn’t seen it in years, but it was BY FAR my favorite stuff for scrubbing the bathtub, lasted twice as long as “Scrubbin’ Bubbles” and had the freshest scent of any cleanser out there.

The manager said “It’s still available, I’d be happy to order a case if you promise to buy a box.”  I said I’d buy two.  I didn’t think anymore of it, but just one week later when I was back in the store, Scott (the manager) saw me and said “Hey, we have your Spic n’ Span.  I set aside a couple boxes for you.” 

I’ll never use anything else again. 

A week or so after Christmas, I was in frozen foods and one of the deli workers hurried up the aisle to my cart.  She said “I know you didn’t want to forget this” and handed me a small white tub.  When I said I hadn’t asked for anything from the deli counter, she said “We made turkey fluff this morning and you know we only make it 3 or 4 times a year.”  (Turkey fluff is roasted turkey, stuffing & chopped onions, whipped together until it becomes an airy fluff.  Trust me, it’s delicious.)  And for someone with a messed up jaw, a godsend.  I wanted to hug her.

I could give a dozen other boring examples (like Mary Grace, the cashier & former nun who knows I walk there and triple bags everything, or Charlene, another cashier who reminds me when my favorite cheesecake ice cream is in stock—“Run over and get one hon, I’ll wait!”)

I wouldn’t want to shop anywhere else, but with everything going on with this coronavirus, it sure isn’t the Kuhn’s I’ve shopped at for 26 years.

When I walked there yesterday, I was surprised how few cars were in the store’s parking lot; yet there was a line of people waiting outside.  At the entrance, a thirtysomething man (wearing a brown & gold face mask) was holding a clipboard.  The last man standing turned to me and said “We have to wait for someone to leave before the next person’s allowed in.”  Oh.  A few minutes later, a woman joined the line and I turned & told her.  And so on, and so on. 

Fifteen minutes later, when there was still 4-5 people in front of me (and easily a dozen now behind), a man from the back shouted “I JUST NEED ONE THING!”  He was greeted with silence.  He shouted again:  “WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT IF WE’RE PAYING, THIS AIN’T THE FOOD BANK!”  Again, silence.  Finally a couple pushing a cart exited the store, and the man with the clipboard motioned the next one in line to head in.  The shouter in back yelled “TWO LEFT THE STORE!  LET TWO IN!”  The guy with the clipboard (now that I was closer, noticed his facemask resembled a Gucci handbag) shouted back “They were TOGETHER, sir!  Together!”  The man in front of me said “I always seem to come at the wrong time… I always wind up with one of those guys behind me.”   Gucci-Man said “Oh, I’ve had 3 of those since yesterday.”

When I was finally the next to go in, Gucci said “It should only be a couple minutes now sir, we appreciate your patience.”  I said that was okay, and asked if he wanted anything while I was in there.  He said “No but thank you!  You’re the second one to offer!  I hope this wasn’t too bad a wait.”   I told him I just pretended I was waiting to get into somewhere really special.

He said “Like a restaurant?”  I said “No, like that discotheque Studio 54 in the 1970s… gee I hope I see Liza Minnelli in there!  Or Halston!”  Gucci laughed and said “Omigod that’s so funny!”

Pleased with myself, I chuckled and turned to the woman behind me to see if she was smiling too.  She looked exactly like a pissed off Lucy from Charlie Brown.  Oh well!