The face of a chronic Doug: 16 months in and counting...

We are all living in unsure times right now, in a world that most of us haven’t seen before.  Things appear normal enough on the outside, but of course they aren’t.  People are quietly worrying, bored, anxious, depressed… wondering how life as they knew it managed to change so rapidly.  We wait and hope for something resembling normalcy again.

For most, this all began in mid to late January; for myself it began a year earlier, after my kidney operation in December 2018 and I developed chronic TMJD.

I began to feel some relief several weeks ago, around the first of March.  I was able to open my jaw wider (and without all the cracking & popping).  After 15 months of pain in my jaws and an inflamed, dry mouth I began waking up with drool on my pillow (I know, gross—but for me, a godsend).   I still couldn’t get thru the day without my oral splint, but I could take it out long enough to start nibbling at regular foods again, things like cookies and toast and chicken legs.  (No white meat though, too soon for that.)  Hot dogs, fish, pancakes… I was getting a big belly again but frankly my dear, I didn’t give a damn!

And then a couple weeks ago, the TMJD came roaring back with a vengeance.  This is me yesterday, at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon.  I look sleepy here, but I’m not.  My face & neck are swollen, which puts a lot of pressure in my ears and temples and cheekbones.  I have to raise my eyebrows as high as I can to be able to see.

I also have to stretch my mouth WIIIIDE open several times an hour, if I don’t my jaw clamps shut.  (That’s what the splint is for, to keep your teeth and jaw apart.)  I’ve just begun my sixth month of wearing it 24/7 and I’m worried my jaw has grown too dependent on it.  I’d love to wean myself off the thing if I could get some real recovery first. 

I first developed TMJD in late July 2016 and for 7 months, it was crazy, frightening pain.  But it fully recovered on it’s own by March 2017 (without a splint).  It returned 9 months later, the day before Thanksgving (it starts out feeling like a sinus infection) but 10 weeks later I woke up on Valentines Day and it was completely gone.  

All was well until December 2018, when I had my jaw twisted back & forth for 3 hours while undergoing that kidney operation… oral intubations and people with histories of TMJ disorder do NOT mix.

For the past 5-6 days, I’ve been living on a diet of coffee (hot and plenty of it), iced tea, water, Metamucil for fiber & V8 Healthy Greens juice for everything else.  Saturday morning I awoke, saw what a beautiful day it was outside and refused to spend it indoors.  I went for a long walk, even visited my old apartment building (where I lived for 23 years before that ill-fated move home in 2016).  I was surprised how small & run down it looked from the outside, but for the most part my memories there are good ones.  

When I returned home from my walk, I found a package waiting for me in the lobby from my friend Pen.

Isn’t this the nicest thing?  After I’d told Pen how several of my older neighbors had complimented me on the face masks she sent me, she sent a bag of her hand-sewn masks for them.  As I began distributing these to some surprised and very appreciative residents, each wanted to thank me properly and chat for a few minutes.  Normally I can talk & listen until the cows come home, but I felt my face starting to swell & redden, and my jaw seize up.  Spent the night with my head surrounded with ice packs.  This is beyond crazy. 

There’s nothing anyone can really do, so I’ve little choice but to try and take care of this myself.  When the TMJD began spreading into my neck and sides of my head after a year, my GP said she wasn’t surprised.  Chronic inflammation will only be contained for so long.  I HAVE to begin daily TMJ exercises again (which I stopped several months ago because it feels akin to pulling a raw pork chop apart). 

I’ve watched and ‘tried’ about every TMJ video out there, and this doctor, Adam Fields is by far the best.  

It’s important you do both videos, and not half-assed.   You have to give it your all.

 

I didn’t write this looking for comments or sympathy.  We all have our own crosses to bear, especially in these unsure times.  It’s just that I live alone, have a lot on my mind and right now this space is where I feel most comfortable (and most able) sharing those thoughts.  If you made it this far… thanks for listening. 

And I promise my next post will be cheerier.