When it comes to family, some things will remain a mystery forever

Last night I found this photograph online (on a memorial site) and I think my heart skipped a beat.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. 

This is my Aunt Lois (and her husband Roy), my mom’s older sister. 

We have no photos of Aunt Lois.  She died in 1979 from brain cancer at the young age of 47. 

To say my mom loved her sister would be an understatement.  Lois was born in January 1932, my mom August 1940—Lois was 8 1/2 years older.  Their mother was abusive, and unstable, so after Lois moved out she often took Mom in.  She was more than an older sister, she was Mom’s guardian too.

My dad had 4 brothers & sisters—the 5 of them were extraordinarily close, we all lived within a few miles of each other.  Growing up, our cousins (on my dad’s side) were more like “extended siblings”; we were close in age and got together often.  

On my mom’s side, my Aunt Lois had 6 kids, “technically” our cousins but we didn’t know them.  Lois lived and raised her family in Ohio.  Spunk (Milford), Joel, Beth, Stephen, Kim & Cindy.  Except for the last two, the others were much older than us and I can only recall meeting a couple of them once.

I have exactly one memory of Aunt Lois oldest daughter Beth.  In 1970, she came to stay with us for a weekend while our parents went on a short trip.  Beth was quiet, pretty and a senior in high school.  That first night, she asked us what we wanted for dinner and we said hamburgers.  When she began cooking them we shouted “You’re making them too big, we’re poor!”  and she laughed and said “I’m sorry, okay!” and crumbled them up and made sloppy joes instead. 

I don’t think we ever saw Beth again.  17 years later, in 1987, Mom received news that Beth was dead.  She lived in South Carolina, had a career in the Army, and recently left her husband.

He met her when she got off a plane and shot her. 

She was only 34 years old.  I wish I had a photo of her.  All I have is a vague recollection of her senior class photo, her hair & face reminded me of a young Patty Duke.

What will always be the biggest mystery to me though is Aunt Lois daughter Kimberly.  (You’ll see why in a minute.)  She was only 5 years older than me, I saw us as kindred spirits.  We both read comic books, saw ourselves as artists, and the few times we got together we’d lay on the floor and talk tv and old movies while “copy drawing” art panels from comics. 

Kim took art lessons as well, and would show me how to add shadow under a face, or give dimension to a character drawn from the side.  I think of her lessons every time I doodle or draw something in a card I’m mailing to someone.

Kim at 18, 1974

The last time I saw Kim, I was a teenager.  After her mom died in ‘79, we never saw or heard from Aunt Lois’ family again. 

Until my own mom died in 2004, I often asked her about Kim or Aunt Lois’ other kids but she knew little.  Mom sometimes heard from Aunt Lois’ oldest son Spunk’s wife, ‘Sis’.  But those reach-outs grew few and far between.

In 2015, I began a search for Aunt Lois’ kids—I had no intention of bothering them, I just wanted to know.  I learned the oldest, Spunk died in West Virginia in 2012.  Her second oldest Joel was married & lived in San Diego.  Third was Beth, who died in 1987.  Her fourth child Stephen had a family and lived in Michigan.  Her youngest daughter Cindy, an EMT was married with a daughter and lived in North Carolina.

The last person I found was Kim here.  Born in 1956, Kim died in 2011 aged 54.  But what shocked me the most, was where she lived.  Right here in Pennsylvania, in a small rural community named Clarksville—11 miles from my family.  She lived there a long time too.  She was loved by her neighbors.

I wish Kim had known how much I thought about her over the years… maybe it wouldn’t have mattered to her.  The fondness & curiosity was probably on my end only.  I don’t think my own brothers & sisters were that curious either.

I just keep thinking all the times I drove home from Pittsburgh to visit family, and until 2011, I could’ve visited Kim too.  I hope her remaining siblings Joel, Steve & Cindy are well, and I hope Kim’s life was filled with creativity and contentment.