My 3 neighbors: I may sing to one, befriend the second & I don’t know yet about the third

Recently, my favorite maintenance man Josh told me they rented #404 (the apartment down the hall from me) to a tall black woman named Chantilly. She was moving in later this week.  Chantilly?  Like the song Chantilly Lace? 

Maybe I’d greet her with a big “Hellooo Baby!” like the Big Bopper when I introduced myself.  Anyway, I thought I’d go down the hall and sneak a last peek at the apartment, see if they made any big updates.  I know… I’m nosy.

So I’m down there appreciating the new window blinds and sparkle of everything when I decide to head back to my place to change my shoes and go downstairs to the gym.  As I carefully open the front door, the tenant in #405 is just coming home and unlocking his own door.  Oops, I’m busted. 

I say “Um, hi.  I live up the hall from you, I was just down here taking a peek at #404 before the new tenant moves in.  I hope you don’t turn me in for breaking and entering.”

This guy is big.  VERRRY big.  He looks like he’s 6’5” and weighs 425 lbs. He has a shaved head and full beard, and is on crutches.  He laughs and says “No worries, I was going to check it out too.”  He extends his hand.  “I’ve seen you around, I’ve been wanting to introduce myself.  I’m Alex.”

We exchange some small talk, and a couple things come to mind.  This man is the walking definition of a gentle giant.  He also strikes me as someone highly educated, he speaks very well.  Behind him I can see a couple of nice art pieces on his living room wall.

I finally tell him I should get going and it was nice meeting him, he says likewise and if there’s ever anything I need, please let him know.  I tell him I should be the one making that offer, if he doesn’t mind me asking, why is he on crutches?  He tells me that on September 30, he was coming home, slipped in some water off the elevator and broke his leg.  I said “Good grief!  Did you contact building management?”  He laughed and said yes, but decided not to sue as he liked living here.  I laughed & said goodnight.

The next day, I’m downstairs collecting my mail and see a package from DXL.  That’s a clothing company for big & tall men, I wonder if it’s for Alex?  Yep, it’s for Alex P, in Apt #405.  I bring the package upstairs and set it by his front door, return to my own apartment, get on my laptop and do a little sleuthing.

I find Alex—rather, his professional bio.  I’m shocked at the irony.

Later that day, I run into my friend & neighbor Opal.  I tell her about #404 being rented out, and ask if she ever talked to Alex in #405 and what a nice person he is.  She says no, but she’s seen him and wondered why he was on crutches.

I said I knew why, and wait until she hears what he does for a living.

After I told her how he slipped to the ground and broke his leg, she said “I thought you said he broke it inside?  The ground is outside.”  I said “Okay, the floor then.  He slipped on the floor.” 

Opal said “Where?”  I said “Off the elevator.”  Opal said “How?”  I said “He said he slipped in some water.”  Opal said “I thought he fell inside.”  I said “HE DID.  THE WATER WAS INSIDE.  ON THE FLOOR.” 

Opal said “On our floor?  I didn’t see any water on the floor.” 

I said “It didn’t happen today, it happened September 30.”  Opal said “Why did you wait to tell me now?  Why didn’t you tell me then?” 

I said “Did you have a stroke recently I’m not aware of?  I have to go now before I do something I’ll regret.”   Opal is clapping her hands and laughing now.  She says “Haha!  Did I get you fired up Doug?  Hold on, what did you mean by wait until I hear what he does?”

I said “HE’S A PERSONAL INJURY LAWYER.  AND I HOPE HE CAN RECOMMEND A GOOD DEFENSE ATTORNEY BECAUSE I MAY NEED ONE SOON.”

Welcome to the Tiffany, Chantilly!