Silly but True Stories, Vol. 4: My sister Shawn, cavemen & their wives, and The Pill

Recently I came across this photo of my sister Shawn & myself, from September 1974.  It took me back to the summer of 1974, when Shawn came up to me one day and said "Guess what--Mom is going to have the talk with me about the birds & the bees."  I was intrigued, went to Mom and asked why Shawn was getting "The Talk".  

Mom said "Your sister is becoming a young woman, and will have to deal with things soon that you boys don't have to worry about."  I said "Why can't I know what it's all about?  I'm going to be 13 in 3 months."  

Mom said "Your dad was supposed to have that talk with you a year ago--maybe you forgot it."  I said "There was no talk, that's not something I'd forget!"

Mom yelled towards the kitchen, where Dad was reading the paper.  "Don, Doug says you never had the talk with him!  You said you were going to do that a year ago!"  

Dad yelled back "I thought the boy could learn it the same way I did, in the streets!"

Mom said "You're full of %#@$, do you know that?  What streets!  You grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and look where your son is now!"   

Dad said "Okay Liney, cool it!  I'll tend to it!"  Mom said "Never mind!  I do everything around here anyway!"

I said "Mom, shouldn't I learn this stuff from a man?"  Mom said "Probably, but you'll be thirty before your dad gets around to it.  You're better off learning it from me anyway, go get your sister."

After Mom, Shawn & myself were settled in the living room, Mom said "Do either of you know where babies come from?  How they wind up in a mother's stomach?"  Shawn shook her head no, I said I had a pretty good idea.  Mom said "Explain it to me."   

I said "Well, when the husband and wife decide they want a baby, the husband gives his wife 'The Pill', then kisses her on her stomach before they go to sleep."  

I don't know where I came up with that, but if you remember the early 70's, "The Pill" was everywhere--the nightly news, talk shows, magazine covers, even sitcoms.  I knew it had to do with women making babies, but that's all.

Before Mom could say anything, Shawn said "Doug, what about cavemen?  Do you think cavemen gave their wives a pill?"   I'll never forget that, because it was like someone dumped a bucket of cold water on my head.  She was right of course and what was I thinking?  I felt like such a dope!

That's when Mom told us the man takes his you-know-what and puts it you-know-where.  But she left out the good parts involving foreplay and arousal, and I remember saying "He has to squish it in there?  Does he have to use something like a spoon?  That doesn't sound very pleasant."  Mom said "Well, when you're older you'll figure it out."  I said no, I didn't think so.  

I asked "What does the man and woman do next?  Stare at each other until they fall asleep?"  Mom said "No, they usually kiss. But they can talk if they want to."  I asked how long it took, Mom said it depends, a half hour or so.  I said "How do they know when they're done?"

I will never forget this:  Mom said "God lets them know."  Shawn said "Does He talk to them?"  Mom said "Not so much in words.  He puts a feeling of happiness in their minds."  I said I would love God to put that feeling in my mind, when school started I was going to start looking for a wife right away.

Mom said "Don, you'd better talk to your son!"  She told me to go find Dad, she wanted to talk to Shawn alone now.  I have to say her version was pretty lacking, but I never forgot it.  And Dad never did have the talk with me.  I can't remember how I wound up learning, can you?  

This is a day of independence....

I was sitting here this morning, watching Wizard of Oz and eating my breakfast, and around the time the Mayor of Munchkin City said "This is a day of independence, for all Munchkins and their descendants"  I got dinged by my bank app that two direct deposits had been made to my checking account.  

One was my Federal tax refund (which came surprisingly fast, I just submitted my taxes a few days ago) and the other was my very first Social Security payment.  Am I really going to get that every month for the rest of my life?  Sweet!

I just saw something on the news the other night that the average social security payment is $2,071.00; so at $1,994.00 mine would appear to be $77.00 below average.  

But for someone like myself who early retired at the age of 54, I'm fine with that.

Anyway I'm sure this is tacky on my part, sharing these numbers; I'm not boasting about the amounts, but genuinely surprised I am considered old enough by the government to get social security.  (I was eligible 2 years ago, but held off until my monthly amount was close to $2000.00)   I swear to God, when my long covid isn't acting up I feel like a 14 year old kid inside.  

In fact, the last week or so I've been watching these paranormal videos on YouTube late at night and I'm starting to develop a fear of ghosts again, doggone it.  Do you believe in ghosts?  I'm not saying they're the spirits of dead people, but there's some strange things going on out there being caught on all those digital cameras... 💀

Alright, I'd better stop yapping and get dinner started, I'm having chicken tenders, leftover scalloped potatoes from Sunday and roasted broccoli.  Thanks for letting me share, that's all!  😊

Going fishing, a woozy head, a humble apology & what happened Desi?

Friday morning I awoke early and made a cup of coffee, then got right to work installing that new toilet seat I bought on Thursday, so I could do a quick photo-blog about it.

In hindsight (no pun intended) I'd like to offer an apology for posting a blog yesterday about my new toilet seat.  I have better things to write about and ruminate on.  It's just been something I've been after myself to do for a couple years, and was glad I finally got around to getting it done.  But I didn't need to write a blog about it for crying out loud, who wants to see my throne anyway?   So... I'm sorry.

It wasn't too soon after posting it, I was sitting in front of my tv and eating my breakfast and watching a show about the Amish, my left temple & eyeball began to build with pressure and pain.  Left me with no choice but to head into the bedroom, shut the door and lie down until noon.  I cannot shake the symptoms of this long covid.  It flares up every day, sometimes in the eyes, sometimes in the sinuses and mouth, and when it does it makes it difficult to eat or drink anything besides warm coffee.   

I should be sorry for sharing all that too, but truthfully I'm not.  I only share this stuff on my blog or with one person, my friend Diana.  It's not as awful as it was 2 years ago, but it has still put a halt to normal, everyday living.  

After the head stuff died down somewhat, I put on my shoes and combed my hair and made a beeline for the door.  We're supposed to get a couple inches of the white stuff Sunday night, but on Friday it was 60F outside with big 50 mph winds and I wanted to be a part of it.  I headed up the street to the church for the start of this seasons Fish Fry, but  it was only 2pm and they didn't open their doors until 4, so I got this slab of fish at the deli instead.  Doesn't it look good?  It was sizzling in the container on my walk home.

Finally, I wanted to share this:

Why does this make me sad?  This is a recent photo of Lucie Arnaz hugging her brother Desi Arnaz Jr.  The caption said it was a "rare" public appearance by Desi.   

Lucie was born in June 1951, making her 74 years old.  Desi was born in January 1953, making him 73.  I don't know what Desi's been up to, but he looks like a hermit.

I think this struck a nerve with me because just recently, a couple weeks ago, I began watching Here's Lucy on the Roku Channel.  Do you remember this show?   It aired Monday nights at 9pm on CBS, from 1968 to 1974.

It starred a wailing fiftysomething Lucy, a bellowing sixtysomething Gale Gordon, and Lucy's smirking, eye rolling kids Desi & Lucie as Craig & Kim Carter.  Sometimes the kids came across a bit square--"My brother owns all your records, Mr. Wayne Newton!"  but they usually played their rebellious teen parts well.

When I was a kid, I was fascinated with this pair--I knew they were real-life siblings and thought they were groovy.  I watched the show (when I could) just to see them.  Sometimes it would just be Mom & myself still up, and she'd say "Honey, isn't there anything else on tv?  That broad (Lucy) gives me a headache."   But sometimes we'd talk about Lucy's kids, and wonder about their famous lives.  

I don't know where I'm going here... it just makes me sad to see Desi looking so alone, and so old.  I'm getting my first social security check this week and that's nice.  But I'm getting old too, and that's not so great.  At the risk of sounding mean, I don't want to look as old as Desi here in a few years time.  I am definitely never growing a beard.

Doug the Handyman at your service

The other day, my blogger friend Margaret posted a picture of her guy John installing a new thermostat in her refrigerator and it inspired me to be a handyman too.

For the last couple years I've been wanting to replace my toilet seat.  You can't tell from the photo above, the lid is closed--but the seat is a real mess.  

DO NOT USE CLOROX BLEACH WIPES ON PAINTED WOODEN TOILET SEATS.

Over the past 3-4 years, the bleach from those wipes ate into the white enamel, causing streaks and splotches.  It gave the appearance of being an unclean seat.  

I walked up the street to my local hardware store (and was woozy and soaked when I arrived, I think I'm still recovering from that flu last week) and was surprised at the number of toilet seats they had.  Plastic, wood, soft close, padded, round, elongated.  Those padded seats looked nice, but I worked in Home Improvements in the 1980s, and padded toilet seats never seemed to last long.  

Also, I need the ability to stand on the lid if need be, to hang Damp-Rid bags in my bathroom ceiling in the summer.  Seats ranged from $14.95 to $32.95, mine cost $25.00.   I thought they'd be more.

Ta-da!  To be honest, I had a heck of a time removing the bolts from the old one, you definitely need a wrench for both the removal and installation.  But this new seat fits like a charm and now I won't have to go into a frenzied explanation if a houseguest asks to use my powder room.   

My work for the day is done, think I'll go make a late breakfast.  🛠

Kuhn's before & after--and a little guilt, and a little rage

The picture on the top is my home away from home, Kuhn's Supermarket.  It's your average 1960's-sized supermarket, and has always suited me just fine.  I've been shopping there 35 years.

The bottom photo (I took this Saturday) shows the NEW Kuhn's they're nearing completion of, and it's MAMMOTH.  It's the size of 3 of the old Kuhn's lined up next to one another, and is slated to open this summer.  When I walked to the store on Saturday and saw Mike (the manager) I expressed my surprise and asked what they intend to put in there.  One of the cashiers said "We're going to have our own bakery, pizza shop and a big hot foods station, right Mike?"  He said yes, and a few more surprises.

I'm excited, but a little nervous too.  I know life is all about progress, but do we really need a superstore in my little neighborhood?  My belly may be rounder than average, but there's only so much it can hold.  I'd love to know what they're going to do with the original store.  More to come... stay tuned.

This may sound silly or dumb, but I did something the last two nights and I don't feel great about it.  When it comes to tv, I watch the Roku Channel & Peacock for free.  I watch HBO Max & Paramount Plus, which I pay for.

I pay an annual amount of  $139.00 a year for Paramount ad-free, and $159.00 a year for HBO Max ad-free.  They are both coming up for their yearly renewal in March.

So, two nights ago I'm looking around for something new to watch on HBO Max, and wasn't that impressed.  Curious, I went to my Accounts page, than my subscription page and saw a "Cancel Subscription" button.  Wonder what would happen if I clicked it?  So I did.

Right away I got a "Don't Go" pop-up, and an offer of  $40 off my next renewal on March 21.  I never had any intention of canceling, I was just playing around.  But sure, I'll take a $40 discount.

So last night, I'm sitting here watching Paramount Plus and thinking "I wonder if I could do that again?" and went to my Paramount subscription page, saw my annual payment was due March 3 and clicked 'Cancel Subscription'.  I got this.

I hit "Redeem Offer" and just like that, my annual price of $139.00 dropped to $69.00 on my billing page.  

(If you subscribe to HBO Max or Paramount, and pay an annual amount like I do... you might want to check this out, and save yourself a few bucks too.)

The thing is, I wasn't looking to save and wasn't planning to cancel either.  I like both services very much and feel I get my money's worth (especially as I don't have to sit thru any ads).  But it was my understanding Paramount Plus was underwater and here I am, squeezing them further?  They're just a big corporation, right?  I still feel guilty.

Finally, is anyone using TurboTax Online to do their taxes?  I'm ready to hurt somebody.  I get on there to do my taxes, I keep getting interrupted with "Do you want  Expert Help?  Say the word!"    

After completing the Income portion of my taxes (where they graciously offered to download my investment documents from Vanguard and I accepted)  I kept getting "Before we can proceed, you need to review."   I checked the various numbers I'd entered with the numbers on the forms they downloaded, they all matched up.  But every time I hit proceed, I got "Unable to continue, you need to review."

Finally an emoji of an Asian woman appeared, saying "Expert help is here!  Click on me to take over for $59.95!"  NO THANK YOU, ASIAN LADY.  I gave up and signed off, and went to bed.

As I lay there in the darkness, I wondered if it was something on their end, not mine.  I got back up, looked at the online document and what they downloaded.  That's when I noticed Turbotax chopped off the "CO" in the payer name.

VANGUARD FIDUCIARY TRUST CO  (the Payer Name on my investment form)

VANGUARD FIDUCIARY TRUST        (the Payer Name that Turbotax downloaded)

I added "CO" to the Payer Name they downloaded to my tax form, hit enter--and sure enough, the "review" box disappeared. So, they wanted me to pay them an additional $59.95 to locate THEIR typographical error??

If that Asian lady emoji had a neck, I'd strangle it--just kidding!  Okay, deep breath... relax... back to my taxes.

Recovery from the flu, love in the afternoon & I can't forget LC now

Friday morning I awoke with a damp undershirt and wet hair; took my temp, 98.6.  I guess I was cured?  Got out of bed, woozily stumbled into my kitchen and made a cup of coffee.  Went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth... I was out of breath.  Went back into the bedroom, began pulling my germy blankets off my bed.  Had to stop & catch my breath.  Sat down for a break, turned on my tablet and read a morning email from my sister Shawn asking how I was doing.  

I said I was recovered but pretty weak and had trouble catching my breath.  She said she was worried I may have developed pneumonia.  I didn't know how to respond to that.  As the morning moved into afternoon I got progressively pooped and canceled my plans for the day.  I read mostly and slept, and was in bed by 8pm.

This morning I awoke around 4:30am with a SOPPING WET undershirt, soaked bedsheets and a dripping head.  I guess yesterday's "break" was only a trial run.  I scrambled out of that wet bed and into the shower, put on some fresh clothes and stripped off my sheets.  Sprayed my mattress topper with Tide Sanitizing Spray (I love this stuff) then pounded that new topper for good measure, flipped it and turned it and remade the bed with my favorite crisp Indian cotton sheets.   

Feeling a lot better than the day before, I sprinted down the hall to the laundry room (it was empty and no one was on the calendar until noon).  Took all my germy bedclothes down there, got some hot suds going and came back to my apartment and made a cup of coffee.  Sat down on the couch and turned on my TV for the first time in a week when I heard a knock at my door.

When I opened it, there was Sally--a special needs woman who lives on the third floor.  She's in her late fifties and is a tiny thing, not even 5 feet tall.  She was holding a red envelope and smiling, and gave it to me.  It was this nice Valentines Day card above.  I read it and thanked her for the sweet card, and said "Sally I wish I could give you a hug, but I've been sick with the flu all week and just made a recovery this morning.  When you have a cold you're only contagious for 3 days, but when you get the flu you're contagious for a week."

She nodded okay while slowly tip-toeing backward.  I know Sally pretty well, she's a real germaphobe.  Good for her.  

After Sally left, I headed back to the laundry room to put my washed bedclothes in the dryer.  The right side of my face began to hurt and swell along the jawline.  Hello LC (long covid).  I felt like it's saying "Hey pal, I gave ya a break but you didn't think I was gone for good, did ya?"  Nope.  Came back to my apartment, got an ice pack for my lower face, worked on my shopping list for tomorrow.  I'm craving crusty rolls and polish sausage and hot mustard, potato chips and maybe some grapefruit soda.  This has been a long week.  I'm having microwave chocolate cake tonight.

Finally, turned on Peacock to search for something good to watch and found this movie that was just playing in theaters at Christmas, Song Sung Blue starring Hugh Jackman and Kate Hudson.  

They play a real life couple from Milwaukee, Claire & Mike Sardina who fell in love and formed a Neil Diamond tribute band that lasted from 1989-2006.  How is it I've never heard of this before?  I just finished watching this and it's so special, so wonderful my heart's about ready to burst.  I love these two.

I hope this wasn't too boring a read, I really wanted to thank everyone for your kind comments to my flu-post earlier this week.  It really came out of nowhere, but I suppose things like the flu always does.

I hope everyone reading this is enjoying their Valentine's Day, thanks again.

It's the flu, at least that I know for certain

This is going to be a first for me. I'm going to post a blog while laying on my back.  I just wanted to say I may not be writing or reafing other blogs right now, apparently I've got thr flu.

The irony here kills me--my last post I wrote about being good from the neck down (because of probiotics).  And then on Sunday, I'd just finished a nice dinner of baked chicken, roasted broccoli & mashed potatoes and was settling in to watch the Superbowl (of course I'm a Steelers fan but my friend Margaret's Seahawks was playing) when I got an increasingly painful stabbing in my stomach.  Gall bladder attack.

It's been awhile but it's not something you forget.  It lasted from 8:20 to 10:30, by the time it ended I was so worn out I went to bed,  Fell asleep, woke up at 1am with a bad fever and every inch of my body in awful pain.

And this is the only place I've been since Sunday night, in this bed. It takes everything in me just to get up to use the bathroom or to get some juice & water.  The fever has been awful, keeps climbing up to 103.8 then dies down after a couple hours, then back up again... last night I could not get a wink of sleep, I asked AI what to do.  It suggested a very cold wet washcloth on the head and that did the trick.

I haven't had any coffee since Sunday mormng, and this is from someone who drinks 4-5 cups a day.  I just realized, is my brain having caffeine withdrawal?  It's been aching nonstop since Monday.

Also haven't had a thing to eat--well, 2 bites of the top half of a Thomas' English Muffin.  Just the thought of any food makes me queasy.

Anyway, this morning it occurred to me--what if this is covid?   I had a couple test kits in my medicine cabinet, took one, it came up negative (below).   But the box says "EXP DATE:  11/25".  That's only a couple months, right?  That shouldn't be a big deal right?

Okay I need to close this up and try to eat a bowl of cereal or something.  (It jsut has to be cold.  No hot foods.)  Thank you for reading, hope everyone out there is well and Margaret I sure was glad to hear who won that game. 😊

All things considered, my system is looking good from the neck down

First things first, I'm a little bummed.  I woke up this morning "smelling long covid"  (the distinct odor of burnt hair & eggs in my nostrils) and a sore face & neck, and mild burning around my eyes.  Hoping it doesn't last the whole day.  But yesterday (Friday) I woke up feeling pretty good, and it stayed that way throughout the day.  I walked thru a pretty heavy snowstorm at 10am to get a haircut, then to Kuhn's for some spicy pineapple ham for breakfast sandwiches and some fried fish, stewed tomatoes and jalapeno macaroni for my Friday dinner.

Came home to find a voicemail from my old friend Roger, and we got into a lively discussion about the future of Star Trek and physical media.  All nerdy stuff and a lot of fun.  Late last night while 45 mph winds whipped thru the city and dumped another 3 inches of snow, I made some hot cocoa and wrote a new blog about our talk--then changed my mind about posting it this morning.  (But if you want to see it, let me know!)

I just wish I could be thru with these long covid symptoms once and for all.  It makes no sense how it can come on so strong for days, then vanish overnight for a day.  At the start of this past week I was looking at the Senior Center's monthly activity calendar and saw they had a lunch outing planned for Feb 11 to the Walnut Grille, a very nice restaurant.  I haven't been on a senior lunch outing since September, so I sent in a request to join them for lunch that day.

They kindly responded and told me I couldn't come, they'd already reached their quota of people and suggested next time I let them know sooner.  A week's notice wasn't enough?  Bummer.  I plan to make something extra special for dinner on Wednesday.

Anyway, I'm getting off track here.  I may boo-hoo about my chronic post-covid discomfort or missed lunch opportunities, but I don't take the good stuff for granted either.  Back in October I wrote a post (it's right here) about my IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), something I've been wrestling with for 10 years.  I was diagnosed with it in 2019. 

Weekly bouts of painful stomach cramps (some have sent me to the ER), extreme bloating that lasts for 3-4 weeks, extended trips to the bathroom several times a day, constant dosing of Pepto-Bismol for chronic diarrhea or Dulcolax for week-long bouts of constipation.  

Then one night on the news I saw a story where probiotics was helping people with their IBS symptoms, contacted my doctor and told him about the story.  I must've studied and read reviews on 25 different brands, until settling on the label Physician's Choice.  They weren't cheap, but not terribly expensive either.  Around $40.00 for a 60 day supply.

It occurred to me just recently that in the last 3 1/2 months, I have not taken a SINGLE dose of Pepto, Mira-Lax, Gas-X, or Dulcolax.   That isn't a "That's nice, Doug" thing--that's huge.  I was accustomed to using these products daily.  I did have one "gallbladder attack" (I'm not sure that was it, but it felt like it) a couple weeks ago, but it only lasted 30 minutes.  Not 2-3 hours like it always used to.

I told my friend Diana this the other night, and said "It could just be a coincidence, but I've been dealing with IBS issues daily for years.  And 2 weeks after I began taking those probiotics in October, they stopped?"  She said "Oh yes, I'm sure it's just a coincidence!"

Just thought I'd share that update, since it's such a positive one.  If you ever wrestle with such things, this might be something to consider.  I sure hope I didn't jinx anything and wind up in the bathroom all day tomorrow!  I also hope this wasn't TMI.  I think I'll grab a cup of coffee and a couple cookies, and re-read that Trek blog I wrote last night.  Maybe I'll post it after all. 😏

Silly but True Stories, Vol. 3: All I need now is a shawl and a Tweety-Bird

Recently I told my friend Diana that it was time to start living vicariously, and when she asked what I meant by that, I said that after years of eating only Corn Chex I was going to try every flavor of Chex cereal available at the market.

Wheat Chex, Chocolate Chex, Honey Nut Chex, Peanut Butter Chex, Cinnamon Chex, Blueberry Chex.  (There's also a Strawberry Vanilla Chex, but it's not at my store.)

I have to say I enjoyed both the Chocolate Chex and Peanut Butter Chex cereals very much.  

It was only after I finished both boxes that it occurred to me, why didn't I have a bowl of both cereals mixed together?  "Hey, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"  "Well, you got your peanut butter on my chocolate!"

Remember those old Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercials from the '70s?

Anyway, the Blueberry Chex was last on my list.  After having a bowl, I called Diana and told her I felt sort of funny.  She asked what I meant.  I said I had an overwhelming urge to wrap a shawl around my shoulders, buy a tweety bird and take up knitting.  The cereal made me feel like Granny from those old Warner Bros cartoons.

Diana asked what the ingredients of the cereal were.  I said "The others are hearty corn or wheat.  This one is rice lace, dusted with Blueberry Powder and Rosemary Extract.  If that doesn't sound like little old lady ingredients, then I don't know what does."

While Diana rolled her eyes, I shivered and told her I had to go.  I wanted to make a hot cup of tea and watch my story, then look at old photos and organize my pill bottles.

Not wanting to be a Grannydug again anytime soon, I went back to my regular Corn Chex (and Grape Nut Flakes, that's been my favorite since I was 12).  But a couple days ago, I was at the store in the cereal aisle, and saw the Blueberry Chex, and told myself "Just buy the darn cereal Doug, it's not made for grannies only."  

I headed up front and got in Jessie's aisle (the 21 year old checker who likes to tease and call me 'Boomer', I wrote about her before here).

Jessie smiled at me, and asked how my day was going.  She's a nice young woman.  When she got to the Blueberry Chex, she said "Oh, you'll really like this."  I said "Do you like it?"   She said "No I've never tried it.  But it's the only cereal my grandmother eats, she loves it!"  

I can't believe it, again: Five recent things with surprise happy endings

Shortly after I posted my last post "I can't believe it, 7 recent things" a few good things happened to me and I just wanted to share.

1.  I think YouTube was eavesdropping, but that's okay

This past Friday night I was sitting quietly on my couch reading, when the text alert sounded on my phone.  I jumped to grab it, and do you see that yellow cup with juice on the right?  That's where a cup of hot coffee was, and I knocked it over, splattering the carpet below.

I had a 12" round, dark brown coffee stain on my carpet.  I blotted up as much as I could with paper towels, sprayed it with Resolve Carpet Cleaner, scrubbed it... went to bed.

When I got up Saturday morning, there was a 12" round rust colored stain on the rug.  Oh no!  I googled "large coffee stain on carpet" and AI suggested I make a baking soda paste, smear it on the stain, spray it with vinegar & water.  I did all this, the stain remained.

I decided to take a break from that damn spot and watch some tv.  I clicked on the YouTube channel.  The FIRST thing I saw was "How professionals remove rug stains".  How did they know??  A man demonstrated spraying a stain with 3% Hydrogen Peroxide, placing a wet kitchen hand towel over the affected carpet and "ironing it away" with a steam iron set on High.  I did that and look above.  My stain is gone.  Thank you YouTube, you saved my carpet and I never even asked.

2.  I'll tumble for ya 

After I finished admiring my rug, I jumped in the shower.  I dropped the soap, and when I bent down to pick it up, felt my left foot slide forward and did a literal flip in the tub, smashing the guard on the side of my tub and literally flying out of it.  My head smacked into the side of my toilet, knocking it over, water gushed everywhere.  I landed on my back on the floor with a really loud SLAP, face up, heart racing, out of breath.  

And aside from a slight scratch on one leg, I am fine. (I righted the toilet, Steiner is coming to inspect the "o" ring and replace the water guard.) 

It was such a hard fall, I could've easily gotten a concussion, deep laceration, broken a limb or even my back.  I just got up and walked away.

3. Curse you Xfinity!  Thank you Xfinity!

On Friday I saw a commercial for a couple of movies premiering on Peacock this week, and wondered if I should sign up.  I'm already a regular subscriber to HBO Max & Paramount Plus, I don't want to pay for a third streaming service.

I jumped on my Xfinity account (it's how I get my internet) and saw I had a couple messages alerting me I was a "Platinum" member now, I should check out my perks.  Yes Xfinity, I know all about your so called perks, I'll pass.  Unable to find any deals for Peacock, I clicked on the "Your Perks" message out of curiosity and saw a mobile phone discount, yawn--and an offer for Peacock Premium, for free.  I contacted Customer Service.  For real?  Yep!

4. The folks at Falk Pharmacy are life savers

Last Saturday there was a fat yellow envelope in my mailbox from Falk Pharmacy in downtown Pittsburgh.  (Since Rite-Aid closed in my neighborhood, I get my prescriptions delivered thru the mail now, from Falk.)  I opened the envelope, it's a refill of the Amlodipine I take for high blood pressure.

Why'd they send these? I didn't request a refill, I've got plenty of pills upstairs.  I call them up, the pharmacist said that according to his records I was down to 5 pills and with a big winter storm on the way, I may not have mail delivery anytime soon.  I said thank you, hung up and chuckled to myself.  Worry warts, when did we ever go without mail?  I check my old bottle, oops--only 5 pills in there.  He was right.  And later that night, a foot of snow.    

And because of our city's snowplow shortage, we didn't have mail delivery for a week.  Falk, you are one awesome pharmacy.  

5. Speaking of good folks...

I somehow managed to find some great people online to look at my blog and read my latest post, and you are one of them.  Thank you.

I can't believe it... 7 recent things I can't believe

1.  I can't believe they released a new Star Trek series on Paramount Plus that I can't bring myself to watch.  I've been a devoted Star Trek fan over 50 years, gobbled up everything with the Trek logo (including some real stinkers in the mix).  But this is beyond saving.  I barely made it thru the first two episodes, it's so bad.  I hope that Paramount puts it out of it's misery, it makes JJ Abrams version of Trek (which was crap) look almost genius in comparison.

2.  I can't believe Melania Trump produced a movie about.. herself?  (I've since learned this thing is a big flop.  Now THAT I can believe.)

3. I can't believe I haven't been in a movie theater since 2013.  I love movies, from the late 1960s thru the 1990s I probably went to the theater once a week.  But I learned a dozen years ago I don't need a big screen--movies at home on my own tv are the best.  (I tend to hit that pause button a lot.)

4.  Speaking of TVs, I can't believe I bought a new one a few months back and it only cost me $233.00, taxes & delivery included.  I also can't believe it's considered small and has a 45" screen.  In 1978 I was working at The Pancake House and saving my money to buy a 13" color tv for $299.00.

But at $2.25 an hour, I ultimately decided it was too expen$ive for my wallet and bought a 13" b&w television instead.

5.  I can't believe it took me 25 minutes to walk to Kuhn's Market yesterday (normally a 10 minute walk).  But since that monster snowfall last weekend, temps have remained in the subzero and single digits and the city discovered 37 of their 80 snow trucks weren't operational.  So my little borough has remained buried in the snow.

I also can't believe UPMC Health Plan just donated $10 million to the city to buy new snow trucks.  It's very generous, but they're notorious for underpaying their employees--which is why UPMC workers are always striking and on the news. 

6.  I can't believe my 69 year old neighbor Dee knocked on my door earlier today and asked if I'd send a text to her pharmacy confirming her prescription number & address.  When I asked if her phone was broken, she said "No I got it right here honey.  But I never done a text before.  You probably think I'm a dinosaur, don't you?"  No Dee, I don't.  I'm fairly new to texting myself, around 2 years now.  But I hardly use it, I'm not a fan.

7.  I can't believe Catherine O' Hara is gone.  So sharp, so wicked funny.  She was only 71 years old.  I'm still adjusting to Olivia Newton John's demise, and she's been gone since 2022.  She was only 73.

Rest in peace, Catherine.  Gosh I loved you so much.

My Life (right now) in numbers

Yesterday I woke up around 6am with my teeth chattering.  It was really cold in here.  I got out of bed, stumbled into the living room and turned on my tv to the local news & weather.  They were reporting it was zero degrees, with a -15 degree windchill.  Brrr!  I hopped over to my thermostat to turn on the heat and--waitaminute--it was already running.

But it was only the unit's fan.  When I put my hand over the main vent, I just felt cool air.  Uh-oh!  I looked at my handy digital thermometer on my bookshelf (right).  The temperature in here was 48F.

A few years ago I would've stressed.  But I've been living in this building for 7 years now, and this happens once or twice a year at least.  (We have a weird central heating system where only random apartments on random floors are affected.)   

I fished out my little electric heater I bought last year for such emergencies, and waited for an email from Steiner that said they were aware of the situation and were on it.  I got the email an hour or so later, and my heat was back on later in the day.

At lunch I was telling a friend on the phone about it, and she said I should look for a new place.  A little later I was talking to my sister who said "I love your apartment".  I don't love it, but I DO like it very much.  I wasn't even upset when they announced my rent was going up to $920.00 effective April.  Want to know why?   

1. Studios in my building are renting for $925 and one bedrooms (like mine) are going for $1020.  
2. My old apartment is renting for $925.00 but isn't as nice as this one.  And the rent there doesn't include any utilities.  My current place includes heat, water & trash in the rent.

So, it doesn't look like I'll be moving anytime soon.  This temperamental place is my home.

I'll be turning 65 this year, on October 31 to be exact.  I'll be switching over from Obamacare to Medicare.  Since Trump and his nefarious administration ended those extended ACA subsidies, my insurance premiums went from $121.22 a month to $281.52.   That's a 233% increase.

I actually felt guilty for paying such a low amount in 2025.  Does the higher amount make me feel better?  No, that's an awfully big jump!  But I know Medicare (Parts A & B) are around $202.00, so if I can find a good Medicare Advantage plan that doesn't charge extra... 

I just got my 1099-INT & 1099-DIV forms for my personal investments.  In 2025, I earned $10,872.00 in interest & dividends.  (It gets deposited automatically in my bank account.)  

That may not sound like a lot, but I live pretty comfortably on $30,000 a year.  And now, starting in February, I'll be receiving Social Security.    

Y'know, the dumbest thing I did in my life was take up smoking the summer before I turned 19.  (I didn't quit until my mid forties.)  The smartest thing I did was take the money I'd been saving for a house and put it in the stock market in 2003 when my girlfriend at the time dumped me for another guy.  

I don't think there's anyone out there reading my blog under the age of 50, but if there was, I would tell them to get their money into the stock market as soon as possible.  Just call up Schwab or Fidelity or Vanguard and ask what the minimum amount is for their S&P or Total Stock Market Fund.  It's a lot easier than you think.

Finally, after umpteen years I decided to retire my old banner below.  The older I get, the less I looked liked that photo of myself from 2011.  

I'm still not sure how I feel about my new one, it's not a great photo (I have a 2 day growth of stubble and my eyes have dark circles) but I'm just keeping it real, folks.  Thank you for letting me share, and I hope everybody is staying warm out there!  

Snowy Days and Sundays never get me down (well, not since I retired anyway)

Here we are, Pittsburgh's biggest 1-2 day snowfall in 15 years.  We were dry as a bone (and 0 degrees Fahrenheit) when I went to bed Saturday night, but as of 4:49 PM today (Sunday) we've gotten 10.5 inches of the white stuff with a couple more inches headed our way tonight and another couple more Monday morning.  

This morning after I got up and made my coffee, I was sitting here watching the local news when I heard a really loud engine outside--I figured someone in my neighborhood got a new snowblower.  I looked out my kitchen window (above) that looks up California Avenue and saw a snowmobile slowly buzzing it's way up the center of the avenue--with an Avalon Police SUV right on it's tail, lights flashing.  Neither one was going faster than 10-15 mph.

Funniest thing I ever saw--I ran back into the living room to grab my phone and take a picture, but they were out of sight when I returned.    

Apparently it won't be melting anytime soon either.  Temps will remain in the teens for the whole week, with wind chills of 15 to 20 below zero tomorrow & Tuesday.  I've got nowhere else to be, and have more than enough in the cupboards (food, coffee, toilet paper, pills) to sustain me for the duration.  In fact, this past Friday when they announced Saturday would be dry but too frigid to be outdoors, I huffed it to the store again and bought even more.

So how are things in your neck of the woods?  (If you're reading this from Hawaii, don't bother!  And if a certain someone from Australia is seeing this, I know you're roasting!) 

I wish I'd turned the television off after our local news--I saw the national headlines, and another killing by ICE agents in Minnesota.  I've seen various Trumpers online defending the recent slaughter, and I'm just sorry that Minnesota is under siege by Trump's minions.  I pray they don't make it to Pennsylvania, let alone Pittsburgh.    

Well, I actually have about a dozen other things I'd like to share but I think I'll save them for another day.  Here's something a little strange... it's now 5pm and after this morning's snowmobile incident, I haven't seen a SINGLE plow, car, bus, vehicle of ANY type on our street.  And I live on the main drag.  

I hope everyone out there is safe and warm, and as long as I'm blogging, here's my Sunday dinner.  I made real parsley mashed potatoes and my famous oven fried chicken.  I also baked a small pineapple butter cake, I wrote about it before on here.  You should make one, you won't be sorry. 😋

Silly but True Stories, Vol. 2: It's the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Ms. Worley

A couple days ago on the local news they announced that this May, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette will cease publication.  It's had one heck of a run, the newspaper has been in circulation over 200 years.  I still can't believe it myself, but it's been years since I read the morning paper, let alone bought one.  

Anyway, I've probably mentioned this here before but during my working years, I caught one of two buses to get to downtown Pittsburgh and home again.  The Bellevue Business Flyer & the 16B.  I much preferred the Flyer as it got you downtown twice as fast (no stops between) and also had various drop offs downtown, close to my office.  But it ran on a limited schedule, so I often wound up on the 16B, which had one stop downtown--across the street from the Benedum Center.

The Benedum Center is where Broadway comes to Pittsburgh--gorgeous inside, I've seen several shows there over the years.  (The picture below is my brother-in-law Jim and my niece Sophia at the Benedum to see The Nutcracker a couple years ago.)

One morning in the summer of 1997, I rode the 16B downtown to my job at the Allegheny County Dept of Aging.  I didn't always wear a suit in the summer, but I did wear a shirt & tie.  I had gotten off the bus, was heading up the street when I saw one of the brass doors of the center open, and a tallish woman sort of stumbled out, wearing a long flowery robe.  She had dark hair piled high on her head, with a big pink scarf tied around it.

She looked sleepy and confused, and I remember she was squinting.  She was looking to the right and left, then saw me across the street and said "Boy!  Boy, over here!"  Was she for real?  I was 35 years old!  I was carrying a briefcase!  I shouted back "Yes?"  She said "Where can I find a morning paper!"  I said "You mean the Post Gazette?  Up on Liberty, that's right up the street here--turn right, there's a big news stand on the next block!"

She shouted back "Get me a paper and bring it inside if I'm not out here!"  and wagged her thumb at the theater's doors behind her.  What the--?!  I shouted back "I'm going the other way, I have to go to work!  Sorry!"  She just stared at me, then turned around and went back inside.

When I got to the office, I told a couple of coworkers about the run-in with the strange woman in front of the Benedum, and I said "This is going to sound crazy, but the more I think about it, the more she looked like JoAnne Worley, that comedienne who used to be on Laugh-In."  

Around lunchtime, my boss came over to my desk and dropped a newspaper down, folded open to the Arts section--it said JOANNE WORLEY IS MAMA ROSE IN "GYPSY" AT THE BENEDUM.  What was she doing there at 7:30 in the morning?  Did she spend the night there after the opening of her show?  Was her name on the marquee?  

I wish I had known who it was at the time, I might've gotten that paper for her after all--and maybe a free ticket to her show as well.  Oh well!  

Reality Check: This should probably be going to a therapist, not a blog

A couple days ago I put on my slippers to head to the lobby and check my mail.  My left eye was pretty swollen and my temples hurt too much to put on my eyeglasses, so that eye was really on display.  I was hoping nobody would be downstairs, but there was one person--Jim the Mailman.  

I love Jim, I really do.  He's 59 years old and excited to retire in a couple years.  He goes out of his way to know everyone here by name, always asks how you're doing, loves to talk about his 2 grandchildren.  Anyway, he said "Hello Doug!  Whoa, where'd you get that shiner??"  I told him it wasn't really a shiner, just a recent symptom of this chronic inflammation thing I have going on.  

He said "Yeah, Lida told me all about that--said it's something called long covid?"  I didn't want to talk about it, I just said yes I guess so.  Jim said "Doug I see and talk to a LOT of people in my line of work, doctors and nurses too.  I have to tell ya pal, no one's ever heard of that!  Do you maybe think a quack diagnosed you?  I just wonder if it's a real thing, don't you?"

I didn't have it in me to argue, I wouldn't want to anyway--Jim meant well.  I just shrugged my shoulders.  Frankly, I don't care what it is.  All I know for certain is, I have something that I can't get rid of.  I know people don't want to hear me drone on about it, but I still have to live with this.  It's every day.  When it lightens up for a half hour or so, my mood immediately lightens as well.  I suddenly feel happy and hopeful.  Then the pain and pressure build on the side of my head again and I feel worried, defeated.

A little over a month ago, my friend Robin (who lives in Canada) told me about a widely known Canadian journalist & author who got long covid, Gill Deacon.  Robin said that when listening to her, Gill reminded her of me.  She had many of the same symptoms.  I began looking for interviews and such with this Gill Deacon, and was surprised at how similar her story was to mine.   Severe fatigue, pain in her limbs, constant intense headaches.  

Gill said it took her 8 months just to be diagnosed with long covid, only to be told there was little they could do.  She said you're essentially handed a sentence of sitting on your couch and being miserable for the next 3 years.  The unfairness of it made her feel defeated and angry, she said she'd gone thru two bouts of breast cancer before the long covid, and as bad as the cancer was, it was nothing like the hell that long covid put her through.   

I went thru something similar.  In 2018 I developed a series of medical problems in my pancreas, both kidneys, bladder.  (In one year alone I went to the Emergency Room 17 times.)   I was operated on 4 different times, spent Thanksgiving or Christmas in the hospital two years in a row.  It sucked!

What really sucked, after the final operation (which involved a 3 hour oral intubation) I developed a serious jaw disorder that lasted two years.  It prevented me from eating solid foods, and got so bad I wound up overmedicating and getting in serious trouble.  But the thing is, by January 2021 I was finally well.  I thought I earned the right to live happily ever after... well, for 10-15 years at least.   

But then 3 years later... January 2024.  Long covid.  So yes, like Gill Deacon and her breast cancers, I've had my share of crap before this too.   

I try to remind myself that I'm fortunate.  What if I was younger, had a family to support and needed to work?   Recently a friend said "Well, you're still able to go out and buy groceries on your own".  They're right, but what they don't know is, for every grocery trip I make there were 2 times where I wanted to go but couldn't.   So yes, I can still make it to the store and back a couple times a week.  But I've only spent time with friends once in 4 months.

Anyway, I just needed to rant, vent, type.  When I share it here and not with a live person, no one is obligated to listen or respond.  It just amazes me, the resiliency of this thing.  This time a year ago, I was finally getting real signs of recovery and was able to meet up with friends from the senior center 3-4 times from January thru May, before the recovery became a lasting thing by summer.   In September I thought I was fully recovered.   And then on Sept 12... kaboom.

I am getting hopeful signs again, just not "full days", not yet.  I'm trying my best to stay optimistic and keep a sense of humor, it's either that or head upstairs to the roof and see if I flap my arms hard enough I can fly.  Just kidding!   If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for listening and being here.  

Send me your bill and I'll get that check in the mail.

When there's so much to choose from, it makes it hard to decide

See that blank wall on the left?  For the last 5-6 years, I've made a New Years resolution to find a piece of art (or picture) for this accent wall in my dining room before next Christmas rolls around.  And every Christmas, I let myself down--how'd I let another year pass?  What's my excuse this time?   

When you're younger and get your first place but have little money for decorating, pretty much any kind of wall hanging will do.  When I moved to Pittsburgh in the 1980s, my friend Theresa's parents owned a video store and supplied me with plenty of movie posters.

But when you finally have the time and money (and lots of options, thanks to the internet) it becomes much more difficult.  It does for me, at least.

I have it narrowed down to 113,079 choices—it just has to be these 3 things:

1. An unframed canvas
2. 30” square—no bigger or smaller
3. Something with an Asian, modern or industrial influence

I recently bought (what I thought) was a black & white canvas of the Great Wall of China online, but it wasn’t black & white.  It was a glum mix of gray, lavender & brown and just too dreary.  Couldn't bring myself to keep it.

Here’s some other pieces I’m drawn to, the first is fishing boats on an African river, the second is a very bold artwork, titled “Shanghai Scribble”.   I love big colors, I love modern, I love red.  I just worry it’s TOO red.

Here's two more I like, a rocky coastline and "A Busy Morning"...

The coastal one has a nice zen about it, and I don’t mind it being black & white; I’ve got plenty of colors in here already.   I really like that red piece though... I think I'll do some more browsing.

Finally, I wanted to share another piece I got recently and the power of the internet.  A month or so ago, I was watching a YouTube video showcasing “Heinz Lofts” in the former industrial part of the city.  Several years ago, the old Heinz ketchup factory was converted to upscale condos.

In one of the units, there was a “minimalist circle map” of Pittsburgh on the wall.  I really liked it, and began searching different art sites for it.  Couldn’t find it anywhere.

I paused the video and did a screen print, cut and pasted it in MS Paint, did a Tin Eye image search.  I found it on an Etsy site called Mapologist.  I wrote the owner, asked if he still sold it and if so, could I get a smaller sized print. 

After he said yes, I went on another site and ordered a sandalwood frame.  I’ve been wanting something modern & light to hang on the wall outside my bathroom door, nothing too dark or heavy.

Anyway, here it is and it worked out just right.  Happy New Year, everyone.

Silly but True Stories, Volume 1: The Bionic Woman & The Man who drank Coffeemate

NOTE:  I've decided to start a new blog category, Silly but True Stories.  It's for when I have something weird or dumb I want to share, but it's small and not really worthy of a "full blog post".  So if you'll indulge me, here we go...

If you visit my blog regularly, you know I'm always talking about my trips to Kuhn's, my local grocery store.  There's a cashier there I like greatly named Carol.  She's in her mid to late sixties, loves to chatter but is a little ditzy.  I'm not fond of that word, but that's what she calls herself.  "Ditzy Carol, that's me!"

In the last few years she's had several medical procedures done: she got a knee replacement 4-5 years ago, then a hip replacement, then another knee replacement.  Two years ago she got some kind of ball bearing inserted into one shoulder, then last year an operation on her collarbone.  She wears something now on her lower arm, for an upcoming wrist operation.  Awhile back I began calling her the Bionic Woman.  (You know... the woman from the 70's tv show with the replacement body parts.)

So one day recently, I went shopping and got into her checkout lane.  (I just aim for the first empty lane I see.)  When it was my turn and I began loading up the belt with my groceries, she smiled and said good morning, then held up my bottle of Hazelnut Coffeemate and said "Sir, is this the only one?"

I said yes, and she said "Ok but there's a sale on these right now--buy one get one half off!"  

I said that was okay, I only wanted the one.  I added "Besides, I'm pretty sure I got the last one on the shelf."

Carol said "Oh really?  Uh-oh!  That spells trouble!"  I asked why.  She said "We have a man that comes in here 2-3 times a week.  He never leaves without one or more of these bottles in his cart!  Personally I think he must drink the stuff!"

I laughed and said wow, that's a lot of Coffeemate.  She said "Well, I don't wanna be here if he shows up and that shelf is empty, that's for sure!"  I said "Is he an angry person?  Does he have a temper?"  

Carol said "Oh, he's nice enough.  I got a bunch of medical stuff done and he likes to call me the Bionic Woman!  Isn't that a hoot?"

Yes Carol, he sounds like a real hoot.

Like it or not, you usually DO get what you pay for (zzz...)

I've shared this on here a couple times before, but a couple years after I retired and moved into this new apartment, I got rid of my big clunky bookcases, big clunky sofa, big clunky dining table, big clunky bedroom furniture.

I got a new bed from IKEA with a modern metal frame (above) that I just loved and still do--but the mattress sits on wood slats, not box springs so it's much lower to the floor.  I had some difficulty adjusting to it, until it occurred to me to buy a mattress topper.  I bought one from Bed Bath & Beyond for $119.00 and it was just right.  Well made, alternative down filling, a nice loft.  I rotated or flipped it every 2 weeks when I changed my sheets.

But it only lasted so long, and after 5 years it was time for a new one.  That particular one was no longer available, so I bought (what I assumed was) a comparable one from Amazon for only $55.00.  There's a reason why it was so much less in price--it was rough, scratchy, lumpy, uneven.  I complained about it to my neighbor who offered to take it off my hands.

I bought another one from Amazon that was a little better, but not much.  I grudgingly used it these past two years, then a few weeks ago decided to replace it with a good one like I had before.  This time I went to Wayfair.  I searched for "FULL SIZE ALTERNATIVE DOWN PREMIUM TOPPER" and then for one with the most positive reviews.

I wound up with a couple to choose from, but both cost under $65.00.  That worried me.  I wasn't looking to save money, I wanted quality more than anything and was willing to pay for it.  But I went ahead and bought one anyway.

Big mistake--in the days waiting for it, I was bombarded with emails from Wayfair, 19 emails in 3-4 days.  (In the days that followed, another 13.)  When it arrived, the package was so small it surprised me.  12"x 18", the size of a standard pillowcase folded in half.  It was encased in an inch of packing tape and Chinese symbols, and said "NO KNIVES!  YOU MUST CAREFULLY REMOVE!" and then in tiny print, to let it decompress for 72 hours.  I did as instructed, and wound up with a floppy, oversized (too big for a full size mattress, smaller than a queen) topper with puckered stitching, a funny burnt smell, a papery-feeling exterior and a cobwebby feeling interior.   I really got scammed.

Disgusted with Wayfair, disgusted with myself I bunched it up, took it downstairs and piled it into the dumpster behind the building.  I will never buy from Wayfair again.    

A few days later I'm on my laptop, did a google search for "higher end mattress topper", scrolled past all the sponsored links and came up to a few names I'd never heard of before.  Boll & Branch, Sferra, Parachute.  I went on the Parachute website and found a mattress topper that looked great, for $260.00.  That's a lot of money!  I decided I needed to think on this.

A couple days after Christmas I returned to the site and saw it was part of an After-Holiday sale for $180.00.  It also said "Number remaining in stock: 17".   When it suddenly dropped to 13, I decided to stop pussyfooting around and bought one.

For a company located in Culver City, California it came amazingly fast, in 2 days via UPS.  (Shipping was free.)  I was surprised when I went downstairs to the lobby and saw a 4 foot tall box down there.   It was HUGE.   Doesn't theirs come compressed like all the others?  Nope.

Brought it upstairs and lifted a very large white handled item from the box that looked like a piece of soft luggage, with PARACHUTE on the side.  Fancy.

Pulled out the topper--absolutely wonderful.  It's dense, very heavy, but in a good way.  The material felt luxurious, premium.  It has a 100% cotton shell, made in the USA  and doesn't mash down easily.  First rate construction and the exact same size as my mattress.  No smell whatsoever.   

Here's 2 photos of the new topper.  Just letting you know, I'm not getting paid to write about this or receiving a discount or anything for putting this on my blog.  This isn't one of those phony blog ads!  I'm just relieved & happy to find such a good quality topper.  

Maybe I could've found one of comparable quality at a lesser price if I had shopped around, but at this point I don't care.  I got EXACTLY what I was looking for.  And I wasn't deluged with thirty "Please take our survey" "You might also like" "Douglas check these out!" "Rate Your Experience" etc. emails either.  Sometimes you really do get what you pay for.