Reality Check: This should probably be going to a therapist, not a blog

A couple days ago I put on my slippers to head to the lobby and check my mail.  My left eye was pretty swollen and my temples hurt too much to put on my eyeglasses, so that eye was really on display.  I was hoping nobody would be downstairs, but there was one person--Jim the Mailman.  

I love Jim, I really do.  He's 59 years old and excited to retire in a couple years.  He goes out of his way to know everyone here by name, always asks how you're doing, loves to talk about his 2 grandchildren.  Anyway, he said "Hello Doug!  Whoa, where'd you get that shiner??"  I told him it wasn't really a shiner, just a recent symptom of this chronic inflammation thing I have going on.  

He said "Yeah, Lida told me all about that--said it's something called long covid?"  I didn't want to talk about it, I just said yes I guess so.  Jim said "Doug I see and talk to a LOT of people in my line of work, doctors and nurses too.  I have to tell ya pal, no one's ever heard of that!  Do you maybe think a quack diagnosed you?  I just wonder if it's a real thing, don't you?"

I didn't have it in me to argue, I wouldn't want to anyway--Jim meant well.  I just shrugged my shoulders.  Frankly, I don't care what it is.  All I know for certain is, I have something that I can't get rid of.  I know people don't want to hear me drone on about it, but I still have to live with this.  It's every day.  When it lightens up for a half hour or so, my mood immediately lightens as well.  I suddenly feel happy and hopeful.  Then the pain and pressure build on the side of my head again and I feel worried, defeated.

A little over a month ago, my friend Robin (who lives in Canada) told me about a widely known Canadian journalist & author who got long covid, Gill Deacon.  Robin said that when listening to her, Gill reminded her of me.  She had many of the same symptoms.  I began looking for interviews and such with this Gill Deacon, and was surprised at how similar her story was to mine.   Severe fatigue, pain in her limbs, constant intense headaches.  

Gill said it took her 8 months just to be diagnosed with long covid, only to be told there was little they could do.  She said you're essentially handed a sentence of sitting on your couch and being miserable for the next 3 years.  The unfairness of it made her feel defeated and angry, she said she'd gone thru two bouts of breast cancer before the long covid, and as bad as the cancer was, it was nothing like the hell that long covid put her through.   

I went thru something similar.  In 2018 I developed a series of medical problems in my pancreas, both kidneys, bladder.  (In one year alone I went to the Emergency Room 17 times.)   I was operated on 4 different times, spent Thanksgiving or Christmas in the hospital two years in a row.  It sucked!

What really sucked, after the final operation (which involved a 3 hour oral intubation) I developed a serious jaw disorder that lasted two years.  It prevented me from eating solid foods, and got so bad I wound up overmedicating and getting in serious trouble.  But the thing is, by January 2021 I was finally well.  I thought I earned the right to live happily ever after... well, for 10-15 years at least.   

But then 3 years later... January 2024.  Long covid.  So yes, like Gill Deacon and her breast cancers, I've had my share of crap before this too.   

I try to remind myself that I'm fortunate.  What if I was younger, had a family to support and needed to work?   Recently a friend said "Well, you're still able to go out and buy groceries on your own".  They're right, but what they don't know is, for every grocery trip I make there were 2 times where I wanted to go but couldn't.   So yes, I can still make it to the store and back a couple times a week.  But I've only spent time with friends once in 4 months.

Anyway, I just needed to rant, vent, type.  When I share it here and not with a live person, no one is obligated to listen or respond.  It just amazes me, the resiliency of this thing.  This time a year ago, I was finally getting real signs of recovery and was able to meet up with friends from the senior center 3-4 times from January thru May, before the recovery became a lasting thing by summer.   In September I thought I was fully recovered.   And then on Sept 12... kaboom.

I am getting hopeful signs again, just not "full days", not yet.  I'm trying my best to stay optimistic and keep a sense of humor, it's either that or head upstairs to the roof and see if I flap my arms hard enough I can fly.  Just kidding!   If you made it all the way to the end, thanks for listening and being here.  

Send me your bill and I'll get that check in the mail.

When there's so much to choose from, it makes it hard to decide

See that blank wall on the left?  For the last 5-6 years, I've made a New Years resolution to find a piece of art (or picture) for this accent wall in my dining room before next Christmas rolls around.  And every Christmas, I let myself down--how'd I let another year pass?  What's my excuse this time?   

When you're younger and get your first place but have little money for decorating, pretty much any kind of wall hanging will do.  When I moved to Pittsburgh in the 1980s, my friend Theresa's parents owned a video store and supplied me with plenty of movie posters.

But when you finally have the time and money (and lots of options, thanks to the internet) it becomes much more difficult.  It does for me, at least.

I have it narrowed down to 113,079 choices—it just has to be these 3 things:

1. An unframed canvas
2. 30” square—no bigger or smaller
3. Something with an Asian, modern or industrial influence

I recently bought (what I thought) was a black & white canvas of the Great Wall of China online, but it wasn’t black & white.  It was a glum mix of gray, lavender & brown and just too dreary.  Couldn't bring myself to keep it.

Here’s some other pieces I’m drawn to, the first is fishing boats on an African river, the second is a very bold artwork, titled “Shanghai Scribble”.   I love big colors, I love modern, I love red.  I just worry it’s TOO red.

Here's two more I like, a rocky coastline and "A Busy Morning"...

The coastal one has a nice zen about it, and I don’t mind it being black & white; I’ve got plenty of colors in here already.   I really like that red piece though... I think I'll do some more browsing.

Finally, I wanted to share another piece I got recently and the power of the internet.  A month or so ago, I was watching a YouTube video showcasing “Heinz Lofts” in the former industrial part of the city.  Several years ago, the old Heinz ketchup factory was converted to upscale condos.

In one of the units, there was a “minimalist circle map” of Pittsburgh on the wall.  I really liked it, and began searching different art sites for it.  Couldn’t find it anywhere.

I paused the video and did a screen print, cut and pasted it in MS Paint, did a Tin Eye image search.  I found it on an Etsy site called Mapologist.  I wrote the owner, asked if he still sold it and if so, could I get a smaller sized print. 

After he said yes, I went on another site and ordered a sandalwood frame.  I’ve been wanting something modern & light to hang on the wall outside my bathroom door, nothing too dark or heavy.

Anyway, here it is and it worked out just right.  Happy New Year, everyone.

Dumb but True Stories, Volume 1: The Bionic Woman & The Man who drank Coffeemate

NOTE:  I've decided to start a new blog category, Dumb but True Stories.  It's for when I have something weird or dumb I want to share, but it's small and not really worthy of a "full blog post".  So if you'll indulge me, here we go...

If you visit my blog regularly, you know I'm always talking about my trips to Kuhn's, my local grocery store.  There's a cashier there I like greatly named Carol.  She's in her mid to late sixties, loves to chatter but is a little ditzy.  I'm not fond of that word, but that's what she calls herself.  "Ditzy Carol, that's me!"

In the last few years she's had several medical procedures done: she got a knee replacement 4-5 years ago, then a hip replacement, then another knee replacement.  Two years ago she got some kind of ball bearing inserted into one shoulder, then last year an operation on her collarbone.  She wears something now on her lower arm, for an upcoming wrist operation.  Awhile back I began calling her the Bionic Woman.  (You know... the woman from the 70's tv show with the replacement body parts.)

So one day recently, I went shopping and got into her checkout lane.  (I just aim for the first empty lane I see.)  When it was my turn and I began loading up the belt with my groceries, she smiled and said good morning, then held up my bottle of Hazelnut Coffeemate and said "Sir, is this the only one?"

I said yes, and she said "Ok but there's a sale on these right now--buy one get one half off!"  

I said that was okay, I only wanted the one.  I added "Besides, I'm pretty sure I got the last one on the shelf."

Carol said "Oh really?  Uh-oh!  That spells trouble!"  I asked why.  She said "We have a man that comes in here 2-3 times a week.  He never leaves without one or more of these bottles in his cart!  Personally I think he must drink the stuff!"

I laughed and said wow, that's a lot of Coffeemate.  She said "Well, I don't wanna be here if he shows up and that shelf is empty, that's for sure!"  I said "Is he an angry person?  Does he have a temper?"  

Carol said "Oh, he's nice enough.  I got a bunch of medical stuff done to my body and he likes to call me the Bionic Woman!  Isn't that a hoot?"

Yes Carol, it's a real hoot.

Like it or not, you usually DO get what you pay for (zzz...)

I've shared this on here a couple times before, but a couple years after I retired and moved into this new apartment, I got rid of my big clunky bookcases, big clunky sofa, big clunky dining table, big clunky bedroom furniture.

I got a new bed from IKEA with a modern metal frame (above) that I just loved and still do--but the mattress sits on wood slats, not box springs so it's much lower to the floor.  I had some difficulty adjusting to it, until it occurred to me to buy a mattress topper.  I bought one from Bed Bath & Beyond for $119.00 and it was just right.  Well made, alternative down filling, a nice loft.  I rotated or flipped it every 2 weeks when I changed my sheets.

But it only lasted so long, and after 5 years it was time for a new one.  That particular one was no longer available, so I bought (what I assumed was) a comparable one from Amazon for only $55.00.  There's a reason why it was so much less in price--it was rough, scratchy, lumpy, uneven.  I complained about it to my neighbor who offered to take it off my hands.

I bought another one from Amazon that was a little better, but not much.  I grudgingly used it these past two years, then a few weeks ago decided to replace it with a good one like I had before.  This time I went to Wayfair.  I searched for "FULL SIZE ALTERNATIVE DOWN PREMIUM TOPPER" and then for one with the most positive reviews.

I wound up with a couple to choose from, but both cost under $65.00.  That worried me.  I wasn't looking to save money, I wanted quality more than anything and was willing to pay for it.  But I went ahead and bought one anyway.

Big mistake--in the days waiting for it, I was bombarded with emails from Wayfair, 19 emails in 3-4 days.  (In the days that followed, another 13.)  When it arrived, the package was so small it surprised me.  12"x 18", the size of a standard pillowcase folded in half.  It was encased in an inch of packing tape and Chinese symbols, and said "NO KNIVES!  YOU MUST CAREFULLY REMOVE!" and then in tiny print, to let it decompress for 72 hours.  I did as instructed, and wound up with a floppy, oversized (too big for a full size mattress, smaller than a queen) topper with puckered stitching, a funny burnt smell, a papery-feeling exterior and a cobwebby feeling interior.   I really got scammed.

Disgusted with Wayfair, disgusted with myself I bunched it up, took it downstairs and piled it into the dumpster behind the building.  I will never buy from Wayfair again.    

A few days later I'm on my laptop, did a google search for "higher end mattress topper", scrolled past all the sponsored links and came up to a few names I'd never heard of before.  Boll & Branch, Sferra, Parachute.  I went on the Parachute website and found a mattress topper that looked great, for $260.00.  That's a lot of money!  I decided I needed to think on this.

A couple days after Christmas I returned to the site and saw it was part of an After-Holiday sale for $180.00.  It also said "Number remaining in stock: 17".   When it suddenly dropped to 13, I decided to stop pussyfooting around and bought one.

For a company located in Culver City, California it came amazingly fast, in 2 days via UPS.  (Shipping was free.)  I was surprised when I went downstairs to the lobby and saw a 4 foot tall box down there.   It was HUGE.   Doesn't theirs come compressed like all the others?  Nope.

Brought it upstairs and lifted a very large white handled item from the box that looked like a piece of soft luggage, with PARACHUTE on the side.  Fancy.

Pulled out the topper--absolutely wonderful.  It's dense, very heavy, but in a good way.  The material felt luxurious, premium.  It has a 100% cotton shell, made in the USA  and doesn't mash down easily.  First rate construction and the exact same size as my mattress.  No smell whatsoever.   

Here's 2 photos of the new topper.  Just letting you know, I'm not getting paid to write about this or receiving a discount or anything for putting this on my blog.  This isn't one of those phony blog ads!  I'm just relieved & happy to find such a good quality topper.  

Maybe I could've found one of comparable quality at a lesser price if I had shopped around, but at this point I don't care.  I got EXACTLY what I was looking for.  And I wasn't deluged with thirty "Please take our survey" "You might also like" "Douglas check these out!" "Rate Your Experience" etc. emails either.  Sometimes you really do get what you pay for.

 

"We'll start here first, these Americans appear more than ready for a takeover..."

I admit it, I've been avoiding "World News Tonight" as much as humanly possible for awhile now.  I've got enough on my mind with this long covid condition, and to be very honest Donald Trump and his minions nearly gave me a nervous breakdown during his first reign of terror in 2017.

But something compelled me to watch the news tonight, so of course I saw Trump's gestapo I mean ICE agents shoot and kill that woman for getting in their way in Minneapolis, while the city's mayor Jacob Frey is telling them to get the fuck out of his city (good for him, for all the good it will do).  And then there's that whole crazy-ass notion of Trump wanting to own Greenland.  I think he saw that movie with the same name starring Gerard Butler (everyone flees to Greenland when Earth is attacked by comets).  And Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House is assuring Americans not to worry, we're not moving in on Denmark's territory.  Yes, Putin said that about Ukraine once too.  

Wait, what's this?  The United States of America has just taken two Venezuelan oil tankers.  Full of oil, of course.  China, are you watching?  

So we should remember what goes around comes around, and if we're visited by any beings from Neptune's moon Triton who have been studying us and like what they see...  I'm not crazy about the idea of having alien overlords but I'll take them over orange and MAGA ones any day of the week.  

The sooner the better.

When you have leftover hearth rolls... Meatball slammers to the rescue

A couple weeks ago I was at Kuhn's checking out, and Deb (my favorite cashier) asked "Do you have your Members card with you?  You should run back and grab some ground round, it's on sale members only."  

I said I had my card but didn't need the meat, and she said "But this is the good stuff.  It's $7.99 a pound for $2.99!" 

So I ran back and grabbed a pound, but wasn't sure what I'd do with it--it was 85% lean, too lean for hamburgers.  And then Sunday I was looking at the leftover hearth rolls from New Years in my bread drawer and it occurred to me, meatball slammers would work and I've got everything I need.

Doug's Meatballs

1 lb. extra lean ground round
1/2 cup milk with 1 beaten egg
1/2 cup seasoned breadcrumbs
1 small finely minced onion
1/4 cup shredded parmesan cheese
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon salt (careful...)
1/4 teaspoon pepper

Mix well, roll into golf ball sized meatballs, bake at 350F for 30 minutes.  Flip them halfway thru so you don't have scorched bottoms.

Don't these look tasty?  You can't tell from the photo but they're very juicy.  They're not perfectly round balls, but I didn't have an ice cream scoop so I had to hand-roll them.  I made 15 total.  

Once they cooled down, I put them in 2 large ziploc freezer bags for future meals.

I put a pan of broccoli in the oven next (I love roasted broccoli) and placed 4 of the meatballs in a saucepan with some Mid's Pizza Sauce.  I used 2 meatballs per hearth roll.  I also had some shredded mozzarella cheese to top the sandwiches with.

Dinner is served 😋

Happy New Year 2026

Yesterday (New Years Eve Day)  I managed to walk a half-mile in a snowstorm (and slipped & fell on my butt--twice) just to get a haircut and grab some grub for New Years Day.  Sour cream potato chips, baked beans, kielbassa & sauerkraut on Celloni hard rolls and of course a giant New Years Pretzel for good luck.

What, you never heard of the New Year's Pretzel?  It's an oversized pretzel made of cinnamon roll dough, covered in white icing and you eat it on New Years Day.  You're supposed to tear it off in pieces, not cut it with a knife.  Cutting it brings bad luck.  I always assumed this was a tradition everyone followed, but more & more I'm thinking it's just a Pittsburgh thing.  Let me know if this is a tradition with you too. 

With the New Year comes a crappy anniversary--it was the first of January 2024 that I developed this infernal long covid.  If you go back and read my blog from then (I don't recommend it) I thought it was the return of a jaw disorder I'd suffered with years earlier (lots of oral pain & inflammation).   When I was diagnosed with long covid, the initial estimate of duration was 3 months--which became 6--which became a year--which became two.  

This past September, I was informed 1 out of 3 people with the condition deal with it 3 years or longer.  Bah humbug!   I'm optimistic however, it was mostly gone for 3 months this past summer until it's return in September.   It's lessened up since then, but I've yet to have a single day without several hours in pain or discomfort.

This past Monday I walked to Kuhn's for some eggs and right when I was exiting the store, my friend Mary from the Senior Center (I haven't been there in 4 months) was coming in.  We both froze in front of the store and then just hugged one another.  I swear to God, I was so thankful and happy to see her I nearly proposed!  

She said "I am just running in for a bag of chips--go stand by my car!  I am giving you a lift home!"  I thanked her, but told her it was my first time out of my apartment in over a week and I really needed the fresh air and exercise--even if it was only 16F!  I'll be so glad when I start visiting the center regularly again.

Anyway, I can really smell that kielbassa and kraut simmering in the kitchen so I'm going to go grab myself a sandwich.  Thanks very much for listening to my ramble, to all my rambles this year, and I hope everyone out there has a healthy and Happy New Year.