Under my bathroom sink is a blue plastic bag containing 9 prescription pill bottles. I’ve got 3 bottles of Oxycontin, 2 bottles of oxycodone, 2 bottles of Hydrocodone & 2 bottles labeled Vicodin. They were all prescribed for me at different times for kidney & tmj problems in the last couple years, but I was so afraid of becoming an opioid addict (after taking one) that I hid them away.
I’ve been told those pills are pretty valuable on the street, but here’s something else valuable I’ve got under there. Toilet paper, 11 rolls of the precious stuff! And I’d sooner part with the opioids.
Last night I’m sitting here on my couch, listening to Brian Williams & Rachel Maddow on MSNBC while looking at my laptop, when I hear a soft knock on my door. I go to answer it, it’s Michael who lives up the hall from me. He’s a young man, probably in his late twenties. He says “Hey… how are ya…” in a very soft voice, like he doesn’t want to wake anyone up. I say I’m great, what’s up.
He says “I don’t wanna put you out, but you got any spare rolls of toilet tissue? I was at the store… they’re all out.”
I stood there for a minute, then said “Well um… I might, but I only have so much myself.” An awkward silence hung between us. The phone he was carrying lit up & buzzed then, and he looked down at it & said “Hey I gotta answer this” and headed back down to his own apartment.
Saved by the bell! Was he planning on coming back? I shut my door, stood there and thought for a moment. Yes I have 11 rolls, but who knows how long it will be before our local market has TP in stock again? I knew he was telling the truth, I was at the store earlier and saw all the empty shelves for myself… I shook my head. Oh, Doug! What if YOU ran out? Give the poor man a damn roll!
Look at this: an Amazon seller has my favorite brand, $175.00 for a six pack. it says he only has 1 left in stock too (psst.. this is illegal)
So I grab a roll from under my sink (I honestly considered taking him 2) and walk down to his apartment. I knock on his door and hear him say “Yo, door’s open” so I open it, and see Mike pacing back & forth in front of his big window (we all have a 7 foot square big window), talking on his iphone.
He says (on the phone) “Hey, hold on” and looks at me, standing there with my roll of Charmin. “Hey yo, thanks for coming through.”
I DON’T SAY A WORD. I AM STARING AT THE 5 ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER SITTING ON HIS GLASS COFFEE TABLE. FIVE!
He sees me looking at his table and says “Yeah, I been asking everyone, that’s all I managed to get.” Gee Mike, are you sure you asked everyone? We have 102 apartments here!
I say “um… yeah, that’s how much I have too. Can’t help ya” and calmly shut his door. (Yes I know, I have more.) But of all the frigging nerve.
The next person who knocks on my door for something better be asking for a cup of sugar, because if it’s for toilet paper I’m going to demand an inspection of their apartment first. These don’t grow on trees, y’know!
Unbelievable, Doug! What did our ancestors use before commercial toilet paper? Those nuisance mailbox flyers may have a different 'recycling' use after all! Yesterday my small town grocery store was out of toilet paper as well. Seems a bit like displaced anxiety to me. What cheesed me off a bit was that a packet of frozen strawberries that normally sell for about six bucks was marked up to twelve. I left it there.
ReplyDeleteThanks Florence--I wondered if sharing this TP story was TMI, but I was just so incensed what my neighbor was doing, stockpiling based on the gullibility of others. Anyway, you're certainly right--we need to remember TP is a modern day convenience, more than anything. (But I do think stores should respect their customer base and limit sales to one per person for the time being.) The markup of those strawberries though.. for me that would be the last straw.
DeleteGoodness, he certainly has a pair of brass ones doesn't he. Kind of wish I had bought stock in toilet paper before this. Bet it is the only stock doing well. These times bring out the best in people but also the worst. Sad.
ReplyDeletePatti, I know we're going thru some scary times right now, but I sure enjoyed your comment--and the chuckle! As always, you have a great way of putting things, thank you :)
DeleteThat's just wrong.
ReplyDeleteAs long as we are sharing TMI, toilet paper is disgusting anyway. A bidet is the way. A squeeze ball type thing actually for ear cleaning or even a small squirt gun (a make shift portable bidet) used properly will clean faster and better than wiping ever will. Maybe just a small square to dry.
Well Joe, you sound like most of Europe & Asia--I didn't know this until recently (how they felt about TP and true cleanliness). I've seen some portable unitss on Amazon, it might be something to think about.
DeleteWow, asking everybody when he's already got five? That's cheeky. It's a dilemma though, do you help or do you not? I've seen people panic buying with carloads of TP and I bet they won't share. I have about a dozen rolls and they're all mine! If I run out I won't be asking anyone, I'll use washable alternatives.
ReplyDeleteRiver, couldn't have put it better myself--exactly how I feel. I just can't believe we're even discussing such a thing...
DeleteGood grief! That's pretty pathetic. Friend of mine said he went to Sam's Club this past Monday and actually got a big package. Amazing! So there's still some, but you have to go out to get it. Then again, I suspect the supply probably ran out because we were there too, saw the long line and left.
ReplyDeletePeople can be so self-centered. I almost clapped when you left with your TP.
ReplyDeleteThanks Court :)
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