There’s some crazy times outside my window, but it’s crazy times in here too

Last night I was here in my livingroom, pacing back & forth (I’ll get to this) while watching history unfold on my tv.  Those protests for George Floyd and racial inequality, spilling out from this country and across the globe… so inspiring, so humbling.

Around 9pm when Rachel Maddow came on, I was feeling angry & hungry (I was angry because I WAS hungry) and decided to chance things and open that box of Life cereal I bought last week.  Poured a small bowl, soaked it in milk, let it sit for a couple minutes….

Do you remember those balsa wood toy airplanes we played with as kids?   With the propeller connected to a long rubber band?   You wound up the plane to go by turning the propeller with your finger.  That’s what my face was doing as I slowly chewed the first bite, then the second… my masseters begin to tighten until I thought my head was going to pop off.   After 4 bites I tossed the rest of the bowl into the garbage.  

I went back to the livingroom, paced in front of my tv for another 15 minutes, then went to bed.   (Around a month ago, it began to get too uncomfortable on my jaw, eyes & neck if I sat longer than 15 minutes on my chair or couch.  It “stretches things out” if I’m on my feet, or flat on my back in bed.  I don’t want to spend my days in bed, so I wind up doing a lot of pacing.  At least it’s good for my circulation.)

After going to bed and holding my small tablet above my face (thank God for that tablet), I tapped in Google Search “TMJ + NECK PAIN + REDDIT” and was surprised what I found; a 40 year old man had described my last 18 months in eerie detail.   A whiplash injury gave him crazy jaw & facial pain for a year, a month-long lull where he believed he was on the mend, than a return of the pain—which blossomed into his head, neck & shoulder blades.

He had an IT job and worked at his computer standing up, “sitting seems to really magnify things”.   He was then forced to take a 6 month leave of absence.

What was even crazier was the response he received from a 30 year old young woman who wrote that he just laid out her story, and it had gotten so bad she wound up quitting her job, giving up her apartment and moving back in with her parents.  She said she felt like a 90 year old lady.

I did follow-up searches on both of these people, as their stories were 3-4 years old.  It seems that for both, they began to see real improvements a little after the 2 year mark.  (Both still get the occasional ‘flare up’, but for the most part they’re better.) 

I really thought mine was going to be better now (based on the hearsay of one doctor who claimed the disorder resolves itself for many within 18 months).  A few months ago, in mid-February, mine did subside from real pain to discomfort more than anything.  For a couple months, until mid-April, I began eating like my old self again.  I was starting to believe I’d be splint-free and back to my old self by June.

The good news is, I AM splint-free.  (I didn’t have a choice, it was beginning to cause a lot of head & neck spasms.  I stopped wearing it 24-7 the morning of my 6 month anniversary with it.)   The bad news is, like those 2 unfortunate sufferers above, mine also returned with a nasty vengeance, flowering into the top of my head and back of my neck.  For some reason, the pain in the mornings has been so brutal I usually wake up gasping.  This has been the craziest experience in my life.

Believe it or not, there IS a bright spot from all this!  But I think I’m going to hold off sharing it until my next post.   As always, thank you for visiting my blog and putting up with my umpteenth ramble about TMJD.  I think my 18 month sentence has been extended to 2 years, but I have to believe I’m going to beat it.