My niece Sophia & her date Jud: For everything there is a first time

I wanted to wait & share these pics next weekend (so I could also wish my lovely niece Sophia here a Happy 15th birthday), but it’s already been a week so…

Last Saturday was Sophia’s first high school formal, and here she is with her date Jud.  From what I hear, he sounds like a pretty fine young man.  My sister Shawn (Soph’s mom) told me that she was already discussing wedding plans with his mom!  

Relax Shawn, people know you were joking!  (More like half-joking…)   

During the dance, I called my sister & we talked for nearly 3 hours about our own memories at Sophia’s age, and frankly how little things have changed since then.  If anything, it seems kids today are more responsible, more respectful towards one another.  

(And thanks to Sophia’s iphone, my sister was pretty much kept in the loop the entire evening.)

Anyway, not much to say here; just thought I’d share a couple photos of this sweet couple and was happy to hear Sophia had a nice time.   

Am I the only one feeling some real battle fatigue here?

Friday morning I swallowed a couple ibuprofens, said a quick prayer (to whomever may be listening) and headed to the barbershop.  It was a week or so early for me, but my barber (Rose) is getting a thyroid operation this week and doesn’t know how long her shop will be closed.   I love her dearly, she’s a good friend and I hope she takes all the time off she needs. 

After I arrived and whispered I wouldn’t be doing any talking (as my TMJ muscles are slowly shifting to the far back on their way to healing, but making it difficult to talk) she said “No problem, Dougie Fresh—you just have to listen!”  As she began clipping my hair, she went on a rampage about Trump & the gall of his Ukraine shakedown.

I nodded my head up & down (well, when the scissors weren’t too close).  Meanwhile, a well dressed, older gentleman reading the newspaper (more like pretending to read) waited for a lull in Rose’s diatribe and said “Have you considered this is some elaborate hoax cooked up by the Democrats?  I wouldn’t put it past them, I’m 70 years old and remember when they tried to convince everyone to turn Communist in the 1950s.”   

Wha…??

Rose said “HEY PAL—ARE YOU HERE FOR A HAIRCUT?”  He said “That I am.” She said “THEN SPARE US THE BULLSHIT.  I’M A DEMOCRAT, SO IS DOUGIE FRESH HERE.”  She spun my chair around to face him (haha, I almost burst out laughing) but I gave him the angriest look I could muster.

He picked his paper back up and said “I was only offering a just suppose, it wasn’t intended to be taken personally.”   He seemed like a nice enough fellow, had an “educated air” about him.  But still… wow.  Rose cut the rest of my hair in angry silence.

After I got home, showered & changed and plopped on my couch to get on my laptop and check my email, I opened a message from my friend Danielle.  It included this early morning tweet from the Donald, I’m sure everyone has seen or heard about it by now.

I wanted to laugh, wanted to cry.  This oaf is as petty & simple-minded as he is deranged.   Is there a Trump supporter out there reading my blog?  Can you explain or justify this tweet?  You can?  Omigod, what’s wrong with you?

I sent it on to my sister Shawn (who responded with a reminder that she hated him) and turned on my tv.  More Trump stuff.  I even switched it over to Fox News, looking for a laugh.  I got one alright, but it was them laughing instead. “Will the Democrats stop at nothing??”  “The Democrats OWN this!”  “The Democrats have just handed President Trump his second term in office!”  

Well, I hope not.  I turned my tv off, put my shoes on to walk to Redbox and rent a movie to get away from Trump and all this impeachment mania, and when I got downstairs, saw (what appeared to be) a 108 year old Muslim woman in the lobby, spinning in place and shouting

    !!هل يمكن لشخص ساعدني شخص

A cluster of senior women sat there watching, shrugging their shoulders and nudging each other and wink-wink isn’t this hilarious.  I said “Ma’am, ma’am—can you understand me?   What’s wrong??”   She shoved an iphone into my hand and I heard a man’s voice “Hello?  Hello?”   When I put it to my ear & said hello back, he said “Yes sir, my name is Amir—we live on the sixth floor, I am not at home.  Are you the police?”   I said no, just a tenant.  He said his grandmother had left some groceries downstairs, but when she returned to get them, they were gone.

I told him I’d try & find out what was going on.  I asked the women in the lobby if they’d seen any bags of food.  They all shook their heads no, and one said “This is Avalon!  People don’t steal other people’s food here!”   I looked about, and there on the “Free to take” table was a small white note.  The woman in #112 had seen the bags, noticed they contained perishables and brought them into her apartment so the milk & meat wouldn’t spoil.  I asked Amir if he was still on the line (he was) and explained what happened, then took his grandmother by the arm and went to said apartment.  After we got the missing food back, Amir said “SIR WHAT IS YOUR NAME?  HOW CAN WE REPAY YOU SIR, THANK YOU SIR, THANK YOU!”  while his grandmother smiled and nodded and hugged me.

After heading back into the lobby, those same women (who had enjoyed that worried Arabic woman’s Dance of the Seven Veils) asked if I got things squared away.  I said yes and one of them said “This is why we need Trump more than ever, to stop these people coming into our country!”  and another said “Can’t they go somewhere else?  This is Avalon!”  The other women nodded.  The smaller one (Sue) said “Doug, are you for or against Trump’s impeachment?  Or would you rather not tell us?”

Sue, I don’t want to get into it with you or your friends.  Truce.

Saturday nights at my new hangout—it’s a real head trip

For the past several weeks, I’ve been spending Saturday nights at my new hangout--“The TMJ Cafe”.   I wish I could say I was joking, but it’s (sadly) a real online site where people suffering with TMJD gather to swap stories, look for answers or even encouragement to keep hanging in there.  The truth is, I’m relying on it more & more too.

The other night, some poor woman wrote this:

I almost wish I had cancer instead.  Cancer can be treated.  It seems that TMD cannot.  I wake up, and begin to have a throbbing pain in my left jaw, traveling up into my head, and sometimes into my inner ear.

My left jaw bone is actually bone on bone, so even washing my face is painful and causes gravel sounds in my left jaw.  I cannot chew, I cannot eat, even drinking out of a straw is sometimes impossible.

I am told I am not getting enough nutrition and try to eat more things like chicken. AHA, if I could.  I have a physician who fortunately prescribes medication to calm me when I start shaking with the pain and the loneliness.

It seems like every other ad on TV is about food, restaurants, etc. I need the remote in my hand all the time because I lose my breath if I watch one.

I am in a black depression.  I can no longer go eat lunch with my friends or have dinner with relatives, or have anyone over for "dinner". Thus, I am losing friends since we don't do things anymore.  Go to a movie?  If only I could do things like that.

I cry every day, shake every day, wish I were dead often.

I have seen many "specialists", but no TMJ experts can be found in Florida. I have been seen by so many dentists I can't count. The problem is that insurance does NOT pay for this, no matter how horrible it is.

This is a daily pain, daily stressor, daily walk down a path to loneliness and no joy in life. What is life worth to me at this point?  Unless I find a miracle, nothing. We need a miracle.

Of course, she got sad emojis from others and promises to include her in their prayers.  Why do I want to read stuff like that?  I don’t know.  It makes me feel a little less alone about my own TMJD, and it helps me convince myself “mine isn’t as bad as hers… right?”   (Sometimes yes, sometimes no.)

At the same time, since last December I’ve met up with friends (Josh & Danielle) exactly once.  I love this pair, but after an hour or so I knew I had to get home.  You can only fake being well for so long.

Speaking of “faking it”, another member posted this meme recently.   Boy, could I relate!

I’m not looking for sympathy from anyone (I feel sorry for myself enough already) but when you’re dealing with something that isn’t apparent to others… it’s tough. 

Anyway, this woman DID get one helpful response.  As I approach 300 days of living with this awful disorder, I’ve read it several times over. 

I understand all of it!  Yes, at least with cancer the suffering ends, one way or another. 

In most cases, it’s not the bones that hurt but the muscles working in ways they’re not designed to, to support an unstable joint. Muscle spasm cause pain, and spastic muscles pinching nerves cause pain. These tight muscles affect the flow of the lymphatic system and cause pressure and pain.

Unfortunately, surgery is not necessarily the answer. Have you tried regular and max dose of anti inflammatories? Heat, Voltarin, Ensure, baby-food? Your aim is to calm the muscles down. If you’re shaking then you’ll have to work extra hard. Acupuncture, physiotherapy, sacral cranial therapy if done right should help over time.

There is no quick or easy fixes for you or the rest of us. Dentists aren’t trained to treat TMJ, neither are doctors...the specialty doesn’t really exist yet. It’s being looked on more now than ever before, but it will take years.

Start with the anti-inflammatories, in case there’s any swelling in the joint. Keep your strength up with meal supplement drinks, or baby food. If you can afford acupuncture or physiotherapy, try it. Get a heating pad or make a rice bag you can heat in the microwave.

If you have an understanding doctor, see if he’ll give you a prescription for Zanaflex. It’s an antispasmodic for your muscles. It will help you sleep. I wish I could tell you there’s a simple fix but there isn’t.  Please hang in there.