I’m ready to join the Bloggers Club… oh dagnabbit, now the bug’s bitten me too

A couple weeks ago, I was on Google’s Blogger forum looking for a solution to why the ‘Contact Me’ gadget in my sidebar had stopped working.  I was reading other blogger’s issues, and one asked “What happened to the ‘Next’ button in the toolbar, that took you to a blog similar to the one you were on?  I really miss finding new blogs to read.”

Good question, I’d been wondering the same thing for a couple months now—I used to click on that ‘Next blog’ button a lot.

Blogger’s response was they had removed that feature, as it wasn’t popular.  What a shame, I used to come across some real zingers in the blogosphere.

Plus it’s removal reduced the odds of your own blog being randomly ‘discovered’ as well.  Forget my gadget issue, I suddenly had the urge to find some new blogs to read.  I discovered it’s easier said than done. 

It’s simple enough to google ‘food blog’ or ‘tv blog’ or ‘travel blog’, there’s dozens—no hundreds of homegrown themed sites out there.  I wanted to find PERSONAL blogs, like mine.  People just sharing their own life stories.  How do you google that? 

On a whim, I googled “baby boomer blogs”  (people born between 1944 & 1964) and got a link to “The Top 100 Baby Boomer Blogs of 2019”.   I believe every blog listed had a variation of the word “Boomer” in the title, each with similar topics on how to be one.  (Not exactly what I was looking for.) 

But one stood out, “Time Goes By – What it’s really like to get old”.  I clicked on it.

I must’ve spent 3-4 hours reading (that first day, I’ve been back several times since).  It’s basically the life story of a 78 year old woman named Ronni, diagnosed in 2017 with pancreatic cancer.  It’s her own life’s journey, her mother’s battle with cancer, book recommendations, thoughts on everything from ageism to politics to pop culture.  She’s a remarkable writer and it was just a joy to read. 

Recently, one of her pieces was on Old Age & Loneliness.   Unsure if I was regarded as an old man (I’m sure my 15 year old niece would think so) but still relating to this piece in a big way, I posted this response:

Ronni, this topic is precisely how I found your wonderful blog just a week or so ago. I don’t know if 58 is considered old age, but this is a problem I wrestle with. If it wasn’t for a couple of my sisters (who live far from me but we connect thru email) I’d be in real trouble. I never married or had kids, so they’re the only family I’ve got.

I was able to save & invest thru the years, managed an early retirement a few years ago. I guess I didn’t realize all of my physical relationships were work-related ones. I was naïve at the time to think I’d maintain friendships I had there. Anyway, was just coming to my senses that I needed to be more proactive about this a year or so ago, when I developed chronic TMD after a kidney operation (a jaw disorder which limits my speaking & diet).  So… reading others blogs (and writing my own) has been a real help.

I didn’t expect or receive a respone (no one does, or she’d be spending most of her waking hours just doing that—her site’s very popular) but a couple hours later I received a personal message from someone who’d seen my comment—and then another, and another.  

Hmm… there’s some pretty nice people out there.   I later go on my own blog, click on the Visitors Map to see if anyone’s been there since morning and—what the—I’d gotten 29 visits in the space of a couple hours??

(What I soon discovered is that Ronni isn’t your typical blogger; she’s a professional writer, a world traveler & was Barbara Walters’ long-time producer.  My comment on her site had included a link to my own blog as well.)

I also received a few very nice comments on some of my own recent posts, from like-minded blggers.  When I visited their sites, I was surprised to find just what I’d been looking for—some warm, personal (and often funny) blogs.  The New Sixty, Cranky Old Man, Musings, Rants & Scribbles… written by older folks, and blogging the type of stuff I enjoy and appreciate most.

I was also surprised to discover a couple of them had chosen to ‘follow’ me.  For real?  They weren’t just one-time visitors?  I pulled my “Followers” gadget out of mothballs and plunked it in the upper mid-right of my blog’s sidebar.   Sigh, only 15 followers… a fraction of what these other bloggers have.   I wish I had more followers… why?  Why is that suddenly so important to me?   I emailed my sister:  “Do you have a gmail account?”  She said yes.  I said “Would you please click the Follow button on my teepee?  If you’re not a blogger it’s not going to send you alerts or anything, but it will allow you to leave comments on my posts without jumping thru any security hoops… and will help me feel a little less embarrassed about having only 15 followers.”

Hooray, 16 followers!   After 13 years, I’m starting to feel like a real blogger. 

The view from my kitchen window, people below and across, and other junk

This is the view from my kitchen window—from one angle.  If I stand at the center or center-right of my sink, I have a lovely view of California Avenue, Avalon’s “Main Street”.  It’s lined with tall trees and nice homes. 

When I get up in the morning I like to wash my face & brush my teeth, turn on my tv to ‘Morning Joe’ as I stumble thru the livingroom on my way to the kitchen.  And while Joe Scarborough & Mika rail about Trump’s latest in the other room, I slide open that window above my sink and enjoy a cup of coffee while watching the going-ons below.

I see joggers, male & female both.  There’s people walking their dogs (more like finding a spot for them to do their business), and even a couple moms with their baby strollers, getting some morning sun while the weather’s still warm. 

I think my favorite ones to watch are the sprinters, the people making a dash for the bus stop to get to their jobs downtown.  I was one of those sprinters once… I suppose watching them is a nice reminder I’m no longer on that hamster wheel.  Sometimes I miss it.

Early morning is definitely my favorite part of the day.

ANYWAY—from my kitchen’s entrance (the far left of this window), I can see my neighbor’s window at Chaize Place, the condo building next door (which is set back from the street a bit more than my own apartment building).

A few days ago I noticed that window had it’s vertical blinds open.  It’s been a long time since I’ve seen those blinds pulled back.  When I moved into this apartment in April 2017, an older gent used to park himself at that window.  We never made eye contact, for all I know he was looking at the person who lives below me.  But he was always at that window.

Then 7-8 months ago he disappeared.  His window went dark, and someone pulled his blinds shut.  They haven’t been opened since.  Until now.  Someone has moved in.

So yesterday morning, as I’m making my trek for coffee and I’m at the entrance to my kitchen, I see a woman (around my age) fiddling with a potted plant on her windowsill.  She looked up & saw me.

I’m at the perfect angle for her to see me head to toe—and all I’m wearing is the t-shirt and underwear I slept in.

Sorry lady!  I don’t get dressed until after I shower—and I don’t shower until after I have my morning cup of coffee

She didn’t hear my brain’s apology though, and just stood there.  I slunk into my kitchen the rest of the way and got my cuppa joe. 

Later on, I worried about it some—could she call the cops and report me for indecent exposure?  In my own apartment?  

It’s not like I was standing in my sink & giving her a “Magic Mike” routine.  And for the record, I was wearing boxers not briefs.  Okay they were boxer briefs, but that’s plenty of coverage.  Am I over-thinking this? 

I later googled the law and read this:

“So, if you were walking around your house nude and someone else sees you through the windows, could you be convicted of this crime?  It depends. Your intent is very important in cases involving lewd acts in public. If you forgot the curtains were open and your neighbor saw you naked, you are not likely to be convicted of any crime because you did not intend to expose yourself to them and your act involved no sexual gratification.”

Ah, okay.  Well, my only gratification in the mornings is coffee!  So I decided not to worry about it anymore, and go about my day.  I drink my coffee, watch some news, look at my computer, make a small list of stuff I need from the store, shower, head out (whew it’s hot), come back, put said stuff away, go into my bedroom to change into something I can flop around in, undress, but I’m a bit damp from the walk to the store so I head into my kitchen to grab a paper towel to pat myself dry…

And that lady across the way is back in her window again (replacing her potted plant with a little cactus) and looks up to see me in my kitchen’s doorway again—this time without pants OR a shirt.  Howdy neighbor, you’re just in time for the afternoon show!

I try to look embarrassed, grab a couple paper towels and head back into my bedroom.  Fully dressed now in my baggy lounge wear, I go back into my kitchen for a glass of iced tea (and to show this woman what I look like with clothes on). 

The only thing looking back at me is her cactus.  Lady, welcome to the neighborhood.  But I think you’re going to need a bigger plant.

It’s Tuesday, it’s chilly outside… just another day of living with this personal tug-o-war

It’s driving me crazy; I watched this video the other night of a beautiful woman slamming some guy, and at the end she “cricks” her head from side to side, making some pretty loud cracking sounds, all while smiling at the camera.   I can’t remember what it was.

(Darn it, I even saw it twice—was it a commercial?  I watch too much Youtube!)

I was reminded of it this morning when I awoke and sat up in bed, and heard the same “craaaaack” in the side of my face while stifling a yawn.  Good morning, TMD— could you let me know how long you plan on staying?

It’s an annoying, scary sound—I’m not even sure what it is.  The oral surgeon I saw recently told me it could be broken cartilage in my jaw’s joints or the breakdown of calcified muscle fibers (from the muscles surrounding my joints being in spasm for the last year). 

A couple weeks ago (against the advice of several other TMJ sufferers) I made an appointment with an oral surgeon in my neighborhood who shares a practice with his mother, a dentist.  I wanted to see about getting an arthrocentesis done on my TMJ.  They inject 2 long needles into your jaw’s joint, the first needle fills the joint with saline (and possibly an anti-inflammatory solution), while the other simultaneously rinses out tiny, broken pieces of cartilage and trapped fluid causing the inflammation. 

Repeat on the other side.  

It’s considered the least-invasive surgical procedure on your jaw, but doesn’t exactly come with a guarantee.  It’s estimated that it reduces pain in roughly 25% of people who have it done.  (For 50% it does nothing, and for the remaining 25% it can make things worse.)   Not exactly great odds—and I’ve read accounts from others who had it done, some good, most indifferent, some bad.

The surgeon listened to my joints as I opened & closed my mouth, and pulled my head to the left & right.  He did hear some crunching sounds, but said they weren’t consistent and didn’t think the procedure would help my own disorder.  From what he could tell, my TMJ issues are largely muscular, with a pulled ligament on the right side.

The muscles on the left try to overcompensate, and it LITERALLY becomes a tug-of-war in your face on a daily basis, as both sides try to level the playing field.  

He was willing to do the procedure if I insisted on it, for $750.00 (per joint).  He also said it would probably put me out of commission for a month.  Doc…  I’ve been out of commission since last December!   Still, I thanked & paid him for the examination and left.

When I got home, several TMJ members were quick to ask how the consult went, and one medical professional onsite reminded me that “even the least invasive procedure is STILL invasive and should be avoided if at all possible.”  I think I need to keep telling myself that.

The very next day, someone sent me a link to an article posted by the AMA (American Medical Association) in conjunction with the ADA (Dental) that was just published this summer, that said 2 out of 3 people who develop a TMJ disorder will suffer with the condition for 6 months or more.   This is finally being known now?

Another person sent me a link to “My 5 year battle with TMD”, a woman’s personal account of what she went through and the $15,000 she wasted on ineffective treatments.  Her first sentence hit too close to home.  “This began in 2010 with a trip to the dentist to repair a single cracked filling…”   Mine began in 2016, much the same way.  

This is from the TMJ website:  my 7 month bout in 2016 (and my current one) HAVE to be because of the reasons I highlighted in red below:

What Causes TMD?

Some known causes are the following:

• autoimmune diseases (in which the body's immune cells attack healthy tissue)
• infections
• injuries to the jaw area
• dental procedures (even prolonged mouth opening)
• insertion of a breathing tube before surgery
• various forms of arthritis

I’m just surprised how different mine is from the first time I had it.  Still the same dull, steady burning sensation in my face, but I wake up some mornings feeling like my head is in a vise (both temples feel pushed in) or my neck feels like it’s a rope being pulled at from two opposite directions. 

I recently got this “moist heat” heating pad from Thermophore, cost $40.00.  It does provide some relief, sometimes— but you have to hold the button down while you use it (so it doesn’t burn your face off if you fall asleep with it on!)

I’m sorry for sharing all this, I just need to vent.  But I HAVE been getting some glimmers of hope—an hour or two every several days where things calm down for awhile.  Every time—EVERYTIME—I tell myself “Oh it’s getting better now!  Well, it’s about time as it’s been a crazy 10 months” and then it starts back up again…  it’s a very defeating feeling.

One woman (Marion) wrote “Those good moments can be fleeting, but you gotta believe they’ll come more frequently as time goes on, and gradually become your norm.”

Gotta keep on believing.