Thursday, August 10, 2023

Love Thy Neighbor: What would you do?

I have a real dilemma here, in my apartment building.  My next door neighbor Lonnie, who has lived beside me for 6 1/2 years, is moving out August 31.

Is it his choice?  No.  A month or two ago, Steiner Realty (our landlord) threw down the gauntlet and informed Lonnie they wouldn’t be renewing his lease, which expires August 31. 

Do I want him to go?  No.  Lonnie is quiet, keeps to himself, goes to bed early, gets up and leaves at 5am everyday.  He’s a 40 year old black male, a custodian at Pitt University.  I’m lucky to have him as my “next door”, I know several tenants here who are miserable because of noisy or bothersome next-doors (the other side of their livingroom wall).  

I admit I’m thinking of myself here; God knows who could move in there next.  Ten years ago, my last apartment in the city, when my friend & next door Rich bought a townhome and moved out, a gay couple moved in and made life a living hell for a year until they were finally told to leave.  I blogged about it enough and am surprised I didn’t murder the pair.  (You think I’m kidding, don’t you…)

Anyway, Lonnie says Steiner didn’t give him a reason why, but I’m guessing I know.  For one, he doesn’t have his rent “auto-paid” from a bank account like the rest of us.  He doesn’t HAVE a bank account, so he puts an envelope filled with cash in the Steiner business box on the first floor every month. 

Sometimes he’s late with his rent and is fined $50.00 for it, but fights it half the time.  Also, he somehow wound up with bedbugs a couple times.  Steiner had to hire special exterminators to go after those terrible critters in his unit, at premium expense.  (I think it was around $860.00 for 3-4 visits.)

They tried to bill Lonnie for half of it, but he refused and said that was part of his rent.  (It’s difficult to reason with Lonnie, his thinking can be a bit off-kilter; he’s not quite a special needs person, but close.  Like one of those head injury cases.)

Here’s the thing:  Lonnie WANTS to move.  He’s talked about it since the day I met him, his one bedroom apartment wasn’t big enough, he wanted two.  He can’t AFFORD a two bedroom, at least in our neighborhood, but he still wants one nonetheless.

At the same time, he lives paycheck to paycheck and has no real savings.  Does he not get that his next landlord is going to expect first & last month’s rent, and a hefty security deposit?  He’s close to his mom (who lives in Georgia), maybe she would help with that.

But it’s already August 10 and he’s only seen ONE apartment.  He says he passed on it as it was on the third floor and the building had no elevator.  (At the same time, he told me he refuses to live on the ground floor.)  This guy is doomed.

I’m sharing all this here because something happened at the senior center recently.  A lawyer from Neighborhood Legal Services was there giving a talk, explaining senior’s rights and such.  When it was over, I approached her and told her Lonnie’s story.  She said “Your landlord has the right not to renew his lease—BUT UNLESS HE’S A DANGER TO OTHERS IN THE BUILDING, they can’t force him out on the street if he chooses to stay and fight it.  It could take months.”

She said that tenants have a lot of rights in Pennsylvania, and if Lonnie wanted her help it would take little effort on her part to keep him in his apartment.  She then added her services were free for most and gave me her business card.

What do I do?  Do I pass this card along to Lonnie and wish him luck?  I know one thing—if I swear Lonnie to secrecy, and to not tell Steiner this business card came from me, I AM 100% CERTAIN HE’S GOING TO TELL THEM IT CAME FROM ME.

And the last thing I want is Steiner telling ME next March they’ve decided not to renew my lease.  So… what do I do?  Should I mind my own business and hope for a happy ending for all?  Or let him know he has options and risk Steiner’s ire?  Hmm.

43 comments:

  1. Give Lonnie the card and see what happens. I don't think the landlords want to lose a tenant like you. But I agree it's a real dilemma. Poor guy, he's not quite right in the head but still. I can see why they would want to have him move out. But still.

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    1. Thank you DJan, and you summed it up very well.

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  2. can't you just put it in his mailbox? Or do you think he would not follow up without hand holding? I wonder if his employer has an employee assistance program that might help him with support and advice?

    ceci

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    1. Thanks Ceci--well, I can't put it in his mailbox but I can tape it to his front door. But I'm the only person he talks to here, so he would know it was from me. As for his job, no idea if he has any of that at Pitt...

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  3. I would suggest contacting (anonymously) your local department of human services and start the ball rolling and then stay out of it. If you explain why you do not want to find yourself in the middle of it, I believe that they would protect your identity. Your neighbor needs help. https://www.dhs.pa.gov/Services/Disabilities-Aging/Pages/Intellectual-Disabilities-Services.aspx

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    1. Thank you Debby, I'm going to ask him if he's already talked to someone (he's pretty resourceful) and then check this out. Much appreciated.

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  4. PS: bedbugs are not a joke. We ended up with a case of them. They came in from my daughter's house via my grandson's visit. ("Oh, I must have forgotten to tell you...) We burned a sofa. We paid an exterminator over $1000 for two visits. They spread through apartment buildings very quickly and they are difficult and expensive to remove.

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    1. Good Lord! Debby, very sorry you went thru all that! And yes, Lonnie was required to get rid of his bed and sofa. He cleans the boys dorms at Pitt, so that's probably where they came from. Still, I think that's Steiner's primary reason.

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  5. If he WANTS to move, the social services lead listing by Debbie could help. Give him the card, as that person may be able to get him to a place he wants. Tell him not to tell your landlords where it's from. Custodians have kept lots of secrets over the years. Linda in Kansas

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    1. Thanks Linda! Well, he's a good guy but I'm telling you he is NO GOOD at secrets--he means well, but he'd be telling Steiner I am helping him the first chance he got. He's got a head thing and forgets easy..

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  6. I feel badly for Lonnie. He keeps a steady job and has an income which is very good given his disability. He does seem to also live a bit on the edge and making a move might just tip him over. He needs some help to navigate this transition. Social Services (or Legal Services?) might be able to provide an advocate to Lonnie. I believe, as a concerned neighbor, you can speak to Social Services.

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    1. Thank you Susan, you're very right that he does keep a steady job and he told me once that he's only missed a couple days in 5 years time. But like you said, he doesn't have a lot of leeway. I'm thinking more and more about giving him that link that Debby above supplied.

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  7. I was going to suggest you simply tuck the card under Lonnie's door, but I can understand your concern that he'll know you've given it to him. But on the other hand, it sounds like the landlord may be overstepping their bounds and at the very least Lonnie should get some advice from someone. It's almost the middle of the month so he's quickly running out of time.
    As for the Steiner coming back on you - I would suggest they wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Their grounds for evicting you is you provided a friend/neighbour with a business card? I'm sure the lawyer you spoke with would gladly take that case on.
    Good luck to Lonnie!

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    1. Thanks very much Maebeme--I feel like you're speaking my own thoughts out here very well. :^) Well, it's like I just told a friend--Lonnie wants out, Steiner wants him out--but like you pointed out, it is the middle of the month. He's going to have to talk to somebody. I'm going to ask him tonight or tomorrow if he is.

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  8. Good luck with this. I'm with Maebeme. Tuck the card under Lonnie's door. Seems cruel, on the landlord's part.

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    1. Thanks Celia, and maybe I don't know all the facts but it does seem cruel. I do want to say something to him first, though. See if he wants help.

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  9. I would just mind my own business, Doug, I really would. Let him do his own thing.

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    1. Thank you Gigi--I appreciate this advice too, I don't want to get myself into a jam. I hope you & your family are okay, been watching the news about the fires in Hawaii. :^(

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  10. Let it be, it he wants to move and they want him out. It is always better to let people manage their lives, unless they ask for help.

    I have experienced a co-worker (white) with severe depression and other issues deciding to be of use to the world by adopting two black babies. She also enticed two teenage gay guys to hang out at her home, so they could have a 'safe' space to have a 'judgement-free sexual relationship'. God in heaven!! Anyway, the poor babies inherited all kind of pre-natal drug based problems. She viewed herself as a savior but was completely unable to provide for these kids' special needs. I was so angry at her hubris and presumption. The years piled up and she grew weary of their unresolved problems. The boy ended up in jail (she refused to have him back in her home after his release) and the girl in prostitution. Anyone else would have served those kids better.

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    1. Good grief, this was awful and certainly says something about wanting to do the right thing and causing havoc instead. I am very sorry for those two kids, but this has given me something to think about. Thank you for sharing Anon.

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  11. The guy needs help. Are you the person to offer it? I don't think so. I know you want a quiet neighbor, but the whole thing may backfire on you. What's the expression, no good deed goes unpunished...

    We have a neighbor who has some serious issues, no room here to list them all, and she is a renter of the house next door and has been for 20 years. I've helped her out here and there, but things never change with her and her situation, mostly just getting worse. Recently she has turned to us for various difficulties that were not that bad and she could have solved herself.

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    1. My gosh, I am learning some real things here today. dkzody, I do appreciate your honesty and I am all too familiar with good deeds being punished. Thank you for sharing your own story, and I am definitely going to talk about this tomorrow with one of the counselors at the senior center I go to.

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  12. Dug, could the person who gave you the card make contact with Lonnie on her own? She could explain that she heard about his situation from an 'anonymous' source (doesn't have to give your name - although Lonnie might guess) - just a thought.

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    1. Rian guess what I did after I read this--I called her and asked! She said she wasn't at liberty to do that, she can't solicit when volunteering legal aid, he'd have to act on his own behalf). But it was a good thought, thank you. I'm a little worried to get involved here, but I AM going to ask him if someone is helping him.

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  13. I agree with Gigi, sort of. I'd give Lonnie the contact info if he wants it but if he really wants to leave he is the captain of his own ship. (His mom will help with guidance.) Also, your landlord may have reasons beyond what Lonnie fathoms. He may like his new digs better and your new neighbour might be just as quiet. By the way, did you snatch away your previous post which I never got to read? I assume you just changed your mind on posting it.

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    1. Thank you Florence, I always appreciate your honesty. I'm going to "casually" bring it up with him, just to see if he's headed in the right direction at least. But I like what you said here and who knows it might work out better for both of us. As for my last post, you're too kind--I had it up for a couple hours, but I wasn't very proud of it and took it back down. Maybe I'll put it up again after this one. :)

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  14. Dug, I’m the one who suggested your Senior Center, remember? My sincere advice, after many experiences, is mind your own business and let things take their course. “No good deed goes unpunished.” I know that sounds harsh but it’s true. Do not give him the card, do not talk about this to others. There could be more reasons than you know about for his lease not being renewed. Please, please do not get yourself involved. You’re not the “world’s keeper and fixer”. (All said as a caring reader.)

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    1. Don I was just wondering about you! It's good to hear from you my friend and thank you for your honesty, I needed to hear both sides here, which is why I shared this on here. Really, thank you again and I hope things are good with you.

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    2. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not against doing “good deeds”. There are times when we should all help each other. But my sense is that this is not one of those times. And, you could get with a wonderful new neighbor.

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    3. (Sorry, Dug, that was me above, not “Anonymous”.

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    4. Thank you Don, I mean it--I wanted to hear both sides here. :^)

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  15. Gosh, I'm torn. Like you, I'm a helper and a fixer and would be bothered by Lonnie's predicament. However, I also hesitate to get involved if it could bite me in the you-know-where. I wonder if his mother could help, both with a new place and with talking some sense into him. Perhaps you could encourage him to call her and discuss this all with her. You are a good person to care so much, Doug!

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    1. Thank you Margaret, I'm always reading so much on your own blog that I admit I was hoping you'd say something here. I do know he talks to him mom pretty regularly, I'm sure she knows what's going on. That's what is keeping me in check here, to be honest. I'm sure she's giving him some direction.

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  16. Hi Doug. I’m wondering if he would qualify for some extra benefits, such as rental assistance and/or food stamps. He can’t be making much money as a custodian, and maybe that is part of the problem with paying his rent on time.

    Perhaps you could encourage him to connect with social services in your area; they could evaluate his situation, and even help him with a connection with legal aide. That way the lawyer referral comes from them, not you.

    That’s my 2 cents; a simple referral to social services, and then they can pick up the ball. Good luck with whatever you decide!

    Carole

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    1. Thank you Carole, it's none of my business but I'd be curious what his pay is. He doesn't own a car, rides the bus everywhere like me. Well, he didn't come home tonight so I'm hoping that's a positive step for him. He also has a sister who lives in the city, so that's good. And I do seem to remember him having a caseworker a couple years ago (who asked me if I played checkers and if I'd say hi to him on occasion). Maybe he's further ahead with things than I know. :^)

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  17. Wipe your fingerprints off the card and slip it into Lonnie's mailbox with a short note explaining the options. I have neighbours who have been here a similar length of time and they DON'T want to move but I wish they would. Especially the cannabis and other drugs smoking ones. The stink! Ugh!
    Anyway, with Lonnie not seeming to understand money and having no savings, he doesn't really have many options, but I hope he finds a place

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    1. Thanks River! Well, even if I could get my fingerprints off the card (haha) he'd still know it came from me--Lonnie doesn't talk to anyone else in the building. As for your own druggie neighbors I sure am sorry...and this is just what I'm afraid of.

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  18. I hope we can count on you for updates of this saga!

    Ceci

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  19. Hi Doug, wow, great advice from everyone! This is quite a dilemma. Always worrisome when getting new neighbours. I would tend to do like many suggested and contact your local social services. Lonnie definitely needs some help. Take care Doug.❤️

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    1. Thanks Robin! And I agree, lots of good advice here--even it is from both sides of the coin. I wanted to try and find a compromise here, to stay out of things but let Lonnie know if he wants to talk... but he hasn't been home the last couple nights (so unlike him). I sure hope it's because he found something or close to it. Either case, I will miss him. Hope you have a good weekend Robin.

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  20. Kay of Musings: Oh gosh, Doug! This is a really hard one. I can’t even come up with any advice that someone else hasn’t already though of. I can see why you were in a quandary.

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    1. Thanks Kay, well I'm hoping Lonnie has figured something out as he hasn't been home for 3 days now. I still wish he wasn't moving though.

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